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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Control Your Kids

300 replies

Time2ChangeName · 16/05/2022 17:34

Children running around in pubs. Personally I never let mine as you have people walking with drinks and food. The pub I’m in has a massive park opposite, take them there to burn off their excess energy after you’ve finished your meal instead of them zooming past me at 100mph. AIBU?

OP posts:
PeekAtYou · 17/05/2022 15:19

LampLighter414 · 17/05/2022 15:06

YABU that's hard work on the parents. It might be their first time out in months or even years given covid and a rare luxury given the cost of living crisis. They deserve a break to relax, chat, eat, drink, other people there can pay attention to what their kids are up to in case it's anything dangerous. Whatever happened to it takes a village to raise a child?

This is a joke right?

What about people who are going out for some special child free time and relaxation?

You've clearly not followed your advice very much because ime a good proportion will interpret that as being judgemental about the parents and be furious

LampLighter414 · 17/05/2022 15:19

Purplebunnie · 17/05/2022 15:14

And what if it's everybody else in the pub/restaurant's first time out in months or years because of covid?

Show quote history

I don't see how keeping an eye out to make sure kids aren't about to electrocute themselves or something in an area their parents can't see is hard work

slashlover · 17/05/2022 15:19

LampLighter414 · 17/05/2022 15:06

YABU that's hard work on the parents. It might be their first time out in months or even years given covid and a rare luxury given the cost of living crisis. They deserve a break to relax, chat, eat, drink, other people there can pay attention to what their kids are up to in case it's anything dangerous. Whatever happened to it takes a village to raise a child?

So if I disciplined your kid then you'd be fine with it? For some reason the "it takes a village" people never seem fine if a reprimand their kid no matter how gently.

Robinni · 17/05/2022 15:21

@CorpseReviver my son has sensory issues - if I didn’t bring him out and give him exposure of different environments he would continue to be highly sensitised. As it stands he has improved hugely and enjoys being out with us as a family. We also have been able to find certain places that work better for him than others.

I am not going to keep him at home because of intolerant people! He is allowed movement breaks in his classroom for goodness sake!! It’s normal for children with his disability.

CorpseReviver · 17/05/2022 15:24

Robinni · 17/05/2022 15:21

@CorpseReviver my son has sensory issues - if I didn’t bring him out and give him exposure of different environments he would continue to be highly sensitised. As it stands he has improved hugely and enjoys being out with us as a family. We also have been able to find certain places that work better for him than others.

I am not going to keep him at home because of intolerant people! He is allowed movement breaks in his classroom for goodness sake!! It’s normal for children with his disability.

Pub =/= classroom

Not going to the pub =/= keeping him at home

Not wanting a child running around in a pub repeatedly and shouting =/= being intolerant

CorpseReviver · 17/05/2022 15:24

LampLighter414 · 17/05/2022 15:06

YABU that's hard work on the parents. It might be their first time out in months or even years given covid and a rare luxury given the cost of living crisis. They deserve a break to relax, chat, eat, drink, other people there can pay attention to what their kids are up to in case it's anything dangerous. Whatever happened to it takes a village to raise a child?

You forgot the /s

Because that was a (slightly crap) joke, wasn't it.

CorpseReviver · 17/05/2022 15:31

Robinni · 17/05/2022 15:21

@CorpseReviver my son has sensory issues - if I didn’t bring him out and give him exposure of different environments he would continue to be highly sensitised. As it stands he has improved hugely and enjoys being out with us as a family. We also have been able to find certain places that work better for him than others.

I am not going to keep him at home because of intolerant people! He is allowed movement breaks in his classroom for goodness sake!! It’s normal for children with his disability.

Here are some ideas for places you can take your son that aren't hugely inconvenient, annoying, dangerous and unsuitable for him and those around him:

Park
Playground
Woods
Beach
Zoo
Relaxed performance at theatre or cinema
Child-friendly museum
Library
Theme park
Country park
Nature reserve
Friends/family homes

Here are some places you should not be taking your child who cannot sit at a table without running around repeatedly and shouting, risking his own and others' physical safety:

Pub
Restaurant
Non-relaxed performance at theatre or cinema
Non-child-friendly museum/art gallery
Shops full of breakable objects
Funerals

The entire world doesn't revolve around what you want. Other people exist and it's not OK to trample all over everyone else, literally or metaphorically.

Robinni · 17/05/2022 15:33

@CorpseReviver you’re unreal.

Sirzy · 17/05/2022 15:33

Of course it is essential to take children out but even then it sometimes gets to a point where you have to accept it’s not working. Having to take them out multiple times to the point it’s disruptive to other diners is probably the point to think “not today. Maybe next time”

Robinni · 17/05/2022 15:35

How dare you itemise where I can and can’t take my child he is perfectly considerate and a joy. If he is seriously disturbing the peace we leave! He is entitled to have a meal with his family the same as any other child. and to attend family funerals oh my gosh I cannot beliiieeevee your attitude!!!

JorisBonson · 17/05/2022 15:46

@CorpseReviver I couldn't agree more. In fact, there are fewer and fewer places that cater exclusively for adults these days.

@LampLighter414 I chose not to have children, I don't want to be in this village. I want to have a drink in peace.

CorpseReviver · 17/05/2022 16:15

Robinni · 17/05/2022 15:35

How dare you itemise where I can and can’t take my child he is perfectly considerate and a joy. If he is seriously disturbing the peace we leave! He is entitled to have a meal with his family the same as any other child. and to attend family funerals oh my gosh I cannot beliiieeevee your attitude!!!

By your own account, he is clearly not 'considerate' or 'a joy' to the other people whose day/evening is being ruined by him.

The fact that you think it's appalling and rude and 'unreal' to suggest that it's not appropriate to take your shouting, running child to theatre performances, shops full of breakable objects, or quiet pubs/restaurants, really shows how little you care about the impact on other people.

The purpose of my list was to show that there are many, many, many places you can take your child where he is welcome to be himself and to enjoy and expand his experiences - including dedicated 'relaxed' performances in the theatre and cinema.

But you seem to think it's a huge affront to be told that there are some places where it is just not OK to take your shouting, running child.

MaudieandMe · 17/05/2022 16:22

Ringo11 · 16/05/2022 20:04

I think pp's who are suggesting that children shouldn't go to pubs or restaurants until they can behave is unfair. Or the children should be seen and not heard attitude. I totally understand that parents need to pay attention to their children at all times and running around where it puts themselves and others in danger isn't acceptable. However, it's equally unfair to judge parents for their children not sitting at the table the whole time or being a bit loud at times. But how about children with SEN who may need to move around. Are we saying that they shouldn't be in pubs?!

When I was a child, my parents often took us to Brewers Fayre pubs as they had great children's play areas - indoor and outdoor. I don't know if they exist now but they were ideal. Maybe if more pubs and restaurants were family friendly with play areas etc, that would help.

Bloody hell. Of course children shouldn’t be in pubs!
When I was a kid you sat outside with your bottle of pop and bag of crisps whilst the grown ups were inside drinking.

Cafes and restaurants that cater for children is fine but for fuck’s sake, leave the pubs to adults only.

Robinni · 17/05/2022 16:23

@CorpseReviver

My child has hearing loss so can’t hear how loud he is - we tell him and he uses a quieter voice. The exercise breaks we use as described are no different than what other parents on this thread have outlined.

Your attitude about kids with disabilities is appalling.

CorpseReviver · 17/05/2022 16:29

Robinni · 17/05/2022 16:23

@CorpseReviver

My child has hearing loss so can’t hear how loud he is - we tell him and he uses a quieter voice. The exercise breaks we use as described are no different than what other parents on this thread have outlined.

Your attitude about kids with disabilities is appalling.

It's not an 'attitude about kids with disabilities'. It's about acknowledging that not everywhere is suitable for everyone. An 18-certificate film or a nightclub are not suitable places for my children. It's worrying that you don't seem to understand that. It's also sad that you have so little regard for other people around you. And it's sad that you are subjecting your child to the disapproval and annoyance of people who are understandably disrupted by his behaviour. It's not fair on him either.

CorpseReviver · 17/05/2022 16:31

@MaudieandMe

Bloody hell. Of course children shouldn’t be in pubs! When I was a kid you sat outside with your bottle of pop and bag of crisps whilst the grown ups were inside drinking. Cafes and restaurants that cater for children is fine but for fuck’s sake, leave the pubs to adults only.

My kids (genuinely) behave as well as any adult in the pub. They order food and drinks, they stay in their seats and they don't shout or run around. But I understand why you'd have this attitude when there are people like @Robinni on this thread who genuinely believe their child shouting and running around is a source of 'joy' to others 🙄

Robinni · 17/05/2022 16:39

@CorpseReviver you clearly have zero experience with autistic children.

If I do not try and increase his flexibility and exposure to different experiences - and experiences he will encounter as an adult no less, he will grow up maladjusted. We have been encouraged by medical professionals to live life as normal. For the most part there are no issues and if he has a meltdown for whatever reason people are largely very supportive and lovely. Then there are a small number of people who are complete wankers who have no empathy or consideration.

I will be relying on medical advice as to where I can and can’t take him and not your silly list!

Brieandcamembert · 17/05/2022 16:41

The other thing people fail to realise is that sometimes adults really need to be away from children.

We went out for dinner a few days after our 5th failed IVF round. There were children shrieking and running laps around the pub (country pub serving food) that day.

It's one thing if they are quietly at a table where I don't need to pay attention to them and another when they are using my chair to hide from one another.

Robinni · 17/05/2022 16:47

CorpseReviver · 17/05/2022 16:31

@MaudieandMe

Bloody hell. Of course children shouldn’t be in pubs! When I was a kid you sat outside with your bottle of pop and bag of crisps whilst the grown ups were inside drinking. Cafes and restaurants that cater for children is fine but for fuck’s sake, leave the pubs to adults only.

My kids (genuinely) behave as well as any adult in the pub. They order food and drinks, they stay in their seats and they don't shout or run around. But I understand why you'd have this attitude when there are people like @Robinni on this thread who genuinely believe their child shouting and running around is a source of 'joy' to others 🙄

@CorpseReviver I haven’t attacked you or your children so please do not speak ill of mine. He is a human being entitled to a normal life. My child is absolutely a source of joy to others, very loved and enjoys being a part of family experiences.

We can agree that children should not be running around in pubs unsupervised or at all if possible, besides this our tolerance levels and attitudes towards others clearly differ.

CorpseReviver · 17/05/2022 16:48

Robinni · 17/05/2022 16:39

@CorpseReviver you clearly have zero experience with autistic children.

If I do not try and increase his flexibility and exposure to different experiences - and experiences he will encounter as an adult no less, he will grow up maladjusted. We have been encouraged by medical professionals to live life as normal. For the most part there are no issues and if he has a meltdown for whatever reason people are largely very supportive and lovely. Then there are a small number of people who are complete wankers who have no empathy or consideration.

I will be relying on medical advice as to where I can and can’t take him and not your silly list!

You couldn't be more wrong. Hence me recommending relaxed performances, an ideal way to introduce children with ASD to theatre and cinema without causing problems for them or for other audience members. I've had extensive experience of producing and managing these, and delivering workshops and wraparound programmes for both children and adults with ASD, as well as having several close friends with autistic children.

However, your posts on this thread show that you have no interest or empathy for other people, and that you just want to do whatever suits you and screw everyone else. It's sad ,you are doing your son no favours, and you are making life difficult for other parents too. Including parents of autistic children.

CorpseReviver · 17/05/2022 16:50

This reply has been deleted

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moomintrolls · 17/05/2022 16:52

I find it really rude. I found it rude before I had kids, things like families with yelping kids on trains. I find it rude now. In a pub or restaurant I have taught my daughter, who is 6, that she must respect other customers as they are out spending money and don't want to hear screaming children. It's just rude. I can't get my head round it, very self-absorbed people.

What about when they let a child make a huge mess around the table of all chewed up food? Ew!

moomintrolls · 17/05/2022 16:54

ProclivityForPyrotechnics · 16/05/2022 17:48

There's a pub near us that does amazing food. Last year a child ran into a waitress and she poured hot gravy all over him. She was also burned and she broke her leg in the fall. There are signs everywhere saying 'control your kids we serve hot food'

The family are suing the pub for injuring their child. It's a massive thing in the village. No one is in support of them.

It was their fault their kid got hurt

I hope they lose and are liable for court costs.

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 17/05/2022 16:57

I don’t see how anyone could think you were being unreasonable, no, kids should not be running around a pub/restaurant and if you can’t stop them, leave.

Robinni · 17/05/2022 17:04

CorpseReviver · 17/05/2022 16:48

You couldn't be more wrong. Hence me recommending relaxed performances, an ideal way to introduce children with ASD to theatre and cinema without causing problems for them or for other audience members. I've had extensive experience of producing and managing these, and delivering workshops and wraparound programmes for both children and adults with ASD, as well as having several close friends with autistic children.

However, your posts on this thread show that you have no interest or empathy for other people, and that you just want to do whatever suits you and screw everyone else. It's sad ,you are doing your son no favours, and you are making life difficult for other parents too. Including parents of autistic children.

Show quote history

However you are not a mother of an autistic child nor have you had extensive conversations with doctors regarding management of specific behaviours and what is or isn’t appropriate.

Just because you set up ASD performances does not make you an expert! Nor does it give you the right to dictate to me where I can or can’t go with my family! And to make proclamations that I am making life difficult for my son and other people - if there is a major issue we leave! I would not dream of having him run around like a hooligan as some NT children do.

I’m sorry but your attitude to exclude asd people from many common experiences of life or to have them solely mixing with each other is not workable or fair.

Calling me a problem is a personal attack.