Control Your Kids

[Time2ChangeName]

Children running around in pubs. Personally I never let mine as you have people walking with drinks and food. The pub I’m in has a massive park opposite, take them there to burn off their excess energy after you’ve finished your meal instead of them zooming past me at 100mph. AIBU?

When your child runs into a waiter's legs and gets covered in scalding liquid, or broken glass, why do you think it matters if he's well behaved 'the majority of the time'?

Has anybody actually said this? No. The focus has been on running around, causing chaos. How is that even comparable?

The Equalities Act wasn't established as an 'Entitlement Act', and it's this hands-off parenting-after-a-fashion behaviour that people are taking exception to, not co-existing with everybody in society and making reasonable adjustments to do that.

Has anybody actually said this? No.

Quite (and thanks). When people have weak arguments, they resort to strawmen.

It's parents allowing their children to run round dangerously that is the real issue here, stop making it into an issue to suit your own agenda

there is a difference between that and little John and Jane running around like lunatics for half an hour

Well, quite @Robinni, which is probably why @Time2ChangeName started the thread about children running around in pubs. It doesn't do you any favours to start trying to make excuses for situations no one is talking about.

So autistics, those with Tourette’s, ADHD, Cerebral palsy… any other loud vocalisations etc they should just stay locked at home because they are disruptive to you?

My hearing impaired (due to age) parents had to stop going out for meals in some places and to some other public places because of the high-pitched screaming of some children (SEN status unknown).

I was told by parents of children with disabilities on a thread about noise that I, a person with a sensory issue that is also a disability, should stay home if I didn't want to listen to Peppa Pig on a loop for an hour. People like to use 'discrimination' as a gotcha, even against those who also have disabilities (but different needs).

@CorpseReviver I am beside my child 100% of the time and do not condone him running around. We will take him outside to run or even a hotel corridor back and forth or to do star jumps!

@ChiefWiggumsBoy What I was pointing out is that in the event my child steps out of line even slightly or we need so walk quickly past people a number of times through a meal to get to an outside space to run he can be met with intolerant, unsupportive people. As I said thankfully few and far between.

People are often intolerant to children broadly.

The Equalities Act wasn't established as an 'Entitlement Act', and it's this hands-off parenting-after-a-fashion behaviour that people are taking exception to, not co-existing with everybody in society and making reasonable adjustments to do that.

Exactly!

My point was there is little differentiation - people can jump on the judgemental bandwagon instantly. And this makes things harder for families who have kids with disabilities.

Again I don’t condone kids running around unattended. But if the parents are making an effort and there is an issue people could do with being understanding.

At the point where you've had to get up and leave the restaurant so many times that other people are getting really annoyed by it, I think most reasonable parents would consider that it's time to finish up, pay the bill and leave.

I don't think people are intolerant at all to children that behave well (or have parents who deal with it when they don't).

I've been in a nice gastropub in London not too long ago where there were small children actually standing on the tables while their (pissed, posh, idiot, entitled) parents twatted about drinking prosecco. If you don't allow your children to behave like wankers, then this thread doesn't apply to you.

I've never seen people not being understanding when it's clear the parent is actually dealing with the situation.

If you have a child who cannot sit through a meal in a restaurant, then it's not fair on either your child or on the other diners or the staff to take them there. You are literally the only person who's benefiting from that situation. Everyone else is getting the shitty end of the stick.

@CorpseReviver
Gastropub with children on tables sounds horrendous. Absolutely unacceptable.

Perhaps we have just had some bad experiences - I’m talking about people tutting and rolling eyes because I’ve walked quickly calmly past their table with my child a few times and maybe one more for toilet break. Admittedly he talks loud with his hearing issue, but I don’t think he should be banned for it.

I will continue to go to restaurants with him as this is a normal experience for a family and excluding him will be detrimental to his development. We aren’t in a restaurant after 8pm and the places we chose are family friendly. Plenty of adult only spaces free from running children.

On topic article with opinions here www.deliciousmagazine.co.uk/restaurants-are-for-eating-not-playing-your-thoughts/amp/

Agree with @CorpseReviver . When the parent is supervising the child and doing SOMETHING to manage their behaviour (something sensible, anyway…), and removing them if necessary, then that parent is generally met with gratitude and smiles of understanding. It is those that look on adoringly while their kids entertain themselves at everyone else’s expense that get the glares.

You get some incredibly judgmental threads on here about people who allow their kids to watch phones or iPads in restaurants in pubs!

Because that is lazy parenting. Instead of teaching them to behave in public, socially interact, even cope with being a bit bored, which are all important social skills, it's just giving them something to shut them up.

In other cultures, or even in UK society where children are expected to behave to a high standard, they aren't stuffed onto iPads.

I’ve had an ocassion where my asd child has shouted at small children that were running around our table shouting, parents oblivious, then when their kids start crying you get told your child (who was sitting nicely at the table previously ) shouldn’t be allowed out in public.

Unsurprisingly yes, given that restaurants and pubs are not play centres. People generally don’t expect to go to them and encounter kids being loud and running around, especially if they’ve arranged childcare so they can enjoy their own childfree time.

I've never seen people not being understanding when it's clear the parent is actually dealing with the situation.

While I agree this is broadly the case there's always some arseholes out there who still will.

However I still think this kind of running around in inappropriate places increases the general intolerance towards all children being out in public places and makes it harder for all families with children.

So....not your child running around then?

People being intolerant of you removing your child from the situation and doing your best not to disturb them doesn't mean that what OP is saying is wrong. Even completely NT kids will step out of line sometimes - it's when parents don't do anything that OP (and me, and many other people) have an issue!

@ChiefWiggumsBoy never said OP was wrong. I voted YANBU.

I’m with @MercurialMonday

I still think this kind of running around in inappropriate places increases the general intolerance towards all children being out in public places and makes it harder for all families with children.

I feel that my son - who has a valid reason for running about at points - is unfairly treated due to poorly patented NT children who should not be running around.

It appears my DS is automatically tarred with the same brush when he and we need support. Which is frustrating.

Don't take kids to the pub. It's not fun for them or any adults

There is never a valid reason for a child to be 'running about' in a restaurant or pub (leaving aside the place being on fire or whatever). It doesn't matter that your child has additional needs - if those needs mean he can't sit down and have a meal without having to get up and run about multiple times (which is what you described), then you shouldn't take him to those places.

The fact that you think (as you said earlier) that this would be "detrimental to his development" is not only silly but really not the point. I don't think his behaviour is anywhere near as well managed as you are suggesting.

YABU that's hard work on the parents. It might be their first time out in months or even years given covid and a rare luxury given the cost of living crisis. They deserve a break to relax, chat, eat, drink, other people there can pay attention to what their kids are up to in case it's anything dangerous. Whatever happened to it takes a village to raise a child?

And what if it's everybody else in the pub/restaurant's first time out in months or years because of covid?