Control Your Kids

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Children running around in pubs. Personally I never let mine as you have people walking with drinks and food. The pub I’m in has a massive park opposite, take them there to burn off their excess energy after you’ve finished your meal instead of them zooming past me at 100mph. AIBU?

What a horrible comment to make to someone struggling with infertility.

you are entitled to your opinion, if you choose to find it offensive when it is factual that’s up to you.

That’s also in shockingly bad taste.

And it’s also not a fucking factual statement, is it, because you’re not the arbitrator of how people feel. Here’s one way you could feel bad in that situation: “oh my God, if I had kids I’d want to do much better by them than those people are, and I’m sad I wont have the chance to.”

Honestly, this site is awful about involuntary childlessness.

Again your opinion, everyone who hasn’t had kids for whatever reason thinks that too re doing a better job. I didn’t say I was an arbitrator but I can have an opinion and you can read offence into it as is your wont.

Please explain how "Surely kids running around being badly behaved wouldn’t make you feel more upset you couldn’t have kids?" is factual in any way?

The onus should be on you as the person taking offence to explain why you feel it isn’t 🤷‍♀️ It makes no sense in the context of thread, if you are spoiling for an argument (which it feels like you are) you won’t get it here.

It's not factual because it's your (shitty) opinion. I don't understand the original comment anyway, it essentially is that you shouldn't care about your infertility because some kids are brats.

Well not really but I’m sorry you feel offended.

"I'm sorry you feel offended" is hardly worth saying, it's meaningless.

But I'll leave it here as MNHQ has apparently deleted your original comment.

This does not make you a cow. 💐

YANBU - i like to take dd to the pub with me. If other people can't control their children, it will not be possible as all children will be banned.

Why are a few posters seemingly ok with strangers having to watch their child? I don't like this assumption that other people will be happy to do this.

Absolutely the parents should control their kid. It’s dangerous and the staff should tell them to sit down

Wow, that's the HEIGHT of entitlement - "I deserve a night out and other people can worry about how my feral offspring behave [or don't] because I am SO IMPORTANT"

Nah. Parent your own fecking sprogs.

Or if you truly can't be arsed to parent your children because you are relaxing and enjoying yourself, you should get a babysitter, don't expect strangers to look after your feral children ffs

this is absolute madness the poor owners of this pub !

the parents of this kid are dreadful shame on them seriously

I blame all this new generation of gentle parenting crap. Kids need boundaries the same way adults do hence why we have laws and of you break them you find your self doing a stretch at her majesty’s pleasure

a large majority of the youth of today are vile and I blame no one but the parents.

I have travelled many times alone between Australia and the Netherlands with my three kids since they were two years old (twins) and four years old. I could see the looks on people’s faces as they thought “Oh fuck, don’t sit near me….” Guaranteed those same people would comment either during or after the flight that this was exactly what they were thinking, but how pleasantly surprised they were with a) my commitment to parenting and b) my kids’ manners. My kids have always been taught to think about other people’s right to peaceful enjoyment, and at least one of them has ASD, and one has ADHD. I realise that ASD is a spectrum, but it is also used as a cop out by SOME people (as is ADHD) who want to justify why their kids are being feral. I know of one family who claim this when confronted by angry patrons of restaurants when these kids have stuck their fingers in their meals, etc. They are proud that they have an excuse on hand despite none of them ever having been diagnosed. (Or a diagnosis ever having been sought.)

@Fraaahnces I agree that some do use ASD/ADHD as an excuse even if their kids have no formal diagnosis - had one father whose child was obnoxious jumping around shouting persistently say “He’s got that ADHD thing so I can’t do anything about it!”
— yes you can!!!

That sort of thing is really unhelpful as is NT children running amok.

From our point of view DS was tougher to deal with when younger but we have disciplined him the same as any other child and used strategies suggested to us.

To be able to learn how to cope/behave in a restaurant he needed to be there!! He is now very well behaved/managed, but what I found difficult in the beginning - when he was about 2-4yrs was the lack of understanding/tolerance and the glares you’d get from the odd person. He used to get quite irate in one restaurant, then we realised it was because of a green security light on the ceiling - we now sit away from this and no problem!

Can’t believe people are letting their kids close enough to be sticking fingers in others food that’s disgusting!! How can autism be an excuse for that - yuk!!

@Robinni Now that my kids ate in their mid-late teens, they are still being complimented on their manners. As with the “Positive Parenting” approach, this reinforces their desire to behave in a manner that involves basic, common courtesy. The family I mentioned (whose kids are the same ages as mine) are still known to be feral. It’s a pity because the kids are quite intelligent, but the way they communicate and behave has impacted their ability to get part-time work already. (Their parents have mentioned it many times to me.) All of mine have p/t jobs which are few and far between for kids their age. I know that their demeanor is what got them over the line when they were being considered for these positions. Their parents still claim to “not understand” why their kids are being passed over, and of course, claim that “It’s not fair!!!!” (While still doing nothing to help them.)

@Fraaahnces my DS is 6 now, it has taken a while, a lot of Jo Frost books (!) and hard over lockdown but he is very much calmer, settled and well behaved; we didn’t give him a by ball… still spins and bounces about a bit but plenty of sport has really helped him. I hope we can continue to positively improve things for him, and obviously those around too.

I think all you can do is mind your own and be grateful when it works out. Parenting styles are very varied…

That 'it takes a village' trope is wheeled out too often. Parenting used to be different. When I was a child it wouldn't be frowned on for a teacher to reprimand me or for an adult to stop me from doing things that impacted them.

We're now in an age when teachers are hamstrung from any sort of disciplining of unruly children and any person who would dare to look sideways at a child's bad behaviour would likely be set upon by a certain type of parent. Ugh.

It may 'take a village' but some parents pay lip service to that when it suits or when they can get something out of it. They're the sort with zero consideration for other people yet extremely sensitive to their rights.

No. Not at all. CorpseReviver has given you a list to illustrate that your posts are full of self-absorbed nonsense. You just want to talk about your son and you're pretty much hijacking the thread to do that.

It's not about your son. The OP wasn't about your son. You are choosing to conflate issues which are not relevant - or about your son.

Restaurants are not places where ANYBODY should be running about, NT or not. It is completely unfair to staff and to other diners. I would have thought it was obvious really but it doesn't seem to be. Hospitality industry is struggling enough without entitled parents happy to disregard people's livelihoods.

OMG the cheek of them. I hope the waitress is suing the parents for the injury.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe my intention was not to hijack the thread, nor to find myself insulted.

I posted as kids running about in restaurants/pubs creates/d two issues for me beyond general annoyance. 1) my son tends to be drawn and mimics others behaviour so they set a bad example 2) whenever he was younger and would dart off the odd time we were sometimes tarred with the same brush and greeted with disapproving glances when I went after him. I found this frustrating that others didn’t have understanding.

He would never have learnt to behave properly without the experience of being brought to heel and getting used to the sensory experience of being out. I felt annoyed to have instructions dictated to me about where a person with a disability can/can’t go. We were advised by medical professionals to take him out everywhere as much as possible.

I hardly think my child’s presence will be the ruination of the hospitality industry - we eat out regularly and have nipped any bad behaviour in the bud. I think I’ve made it clear I wouldn’t let him behave like a hooligan.

Apologies if my exchanges with @Fraaahnces were problematic for you. It was helpful for me to hear positive experiences from another parent with older children and how they manage out and about, but I accept a bit OT.

Please by all means continue giving off.