Page 10 | Control Your Kids

Time2ChangeName · 2022-05-16T16:34:05+00:00

Children running around in pubs. Personally I never let mine as you have people walking with drinks and food. The pub I’m in has a massive park opposite, take them there to burn off their excess energy after you’ve finished your meal instead of them zooming past me at 100mph. AIBU?

rainbowmilk · 17/05/2022 17:07

Brieandcamembert · 17/05/2022 16:41

The other thing people fail to realise is that sometimes adults really need to be away from children.

We went out for dinner a few days after our 5th failed IVF round. There were children shrieking and running laps around the pub (country pub serving food) that day.

It's one thing if they are quietly at a table where I don't need to pay attention to them and another when they are using my chair to hide from one another.

I'm really sorry to hear this - it resonated with me. I wrote to my local hospital suggesting that gynaecological oncology - where I discovered I'd never have kids - should really not share a waiting room with maternity. Both women's' issues, but having to wait to find out if I had infertility and uterine cancer amongst a sea of pregnant women and toddlers/children careening about was an experience I will never forget.

The only place I can think of that you can guarantee a child won't be at is a nightclub or an 18 certificate. Neither's great for peace and quiet or socialising with other adults. Everywhere else is now family-friendly which many parents take to mean akin to soft play - no supervision required. So for everyone saying that us intolerant people should go somewhere that's just for adults... any suggestions?

youdothemaths · 17/05/2022 17:08

LampLighter414 · 17/05/2022 15:06

YABU that's hard work on the parents. It might be their first time out in months or even years given covid and a rare luxury given the cost of living crisis. They deserve a break to relax, chat, eat, drink, other people there can pay attention to what their kids are up to in case it's anything dangerous. Whatever happened to it takes a village to raise a child?

The problem with 'it takes a village' is that many of those who purport it actually mean that they expect the village to share the childcare burden. In my experience, anyway.
If people have paid to come out and have a relaxing time and possibly get some peace from their own kids, why should they have to be subjected to other people's screeching children, much less - as 'it takes a village' seems to imply - take part in managing their behaviour?

Garagewonderings · 17/05/2022 17:08

I do think the "oh french/Japanese kids are so much better" posts are unfair. I've spent a lot of time in France and French kids can be little shits. There's quite a lot of behaviour where I'd say, on balance, the British kids have the edge. Also, considering the vast majority of people on this thread and voted for and stated that kids should be well behaved in pubs, it's quite a jump to start hand wringing about how terrible brit kids are. It's a small minority of kids, most kids are lovely.

Garagewonderings · 17/05/2022 17:10

Also, top tip, casinos often have quiet restaurants and there's no expectation to gamble. If you don't mind the casino sounds in the background!

Franklin12 · 17/05/2022 17:13

Slightly derailing the thread but when an airline asked whether people wanted to have a child free zone tons of people said yes. Being a bit of a traveller myself there is nothing more annoying then a child screaming and fussing around and the parents or party they are in spreading themselves out trying to get involved.

A few years ago I was coming back long haul and a family got on who claimed the check in agent said they could all sit together and people would move for them (I dont think so!). They then proceeded to approach people in the extra leg room seats to ask them to move. The FD did nothing until the people in the seats refused to move. In the end they were scattered around the cabin and one of the party kept coming and looming and stretching over me because lucky me I was sitting next to their toddler. It was a night flight and the child kept screaming and banging her fists on the seat. In the end I said could he sit down and stop jumping up and down. He also smelt of BO... He then blamed the airline for not allowing them to sit together.

People with children (and I have some grown up ones) often think they can behave how they like. Rules are for the plebs and I have certainly seem people kick off when they arent allowed in certain parts of a pub.

Franklin12 · 17/05/2022 17:15

Lamb - you cannot be serious with your comments!

Original poster

Time2ChangeName · 17/05/2022 17:18

LampLighter414 · 17/05/2022 15:06

YABU that's hard work on the parents. It might be their first time out in months or even years given covid and a rare luxury given the cost of living crisis. They deserve a break to relax, chat, eat, drink, other people there can pay attention to what their kids are up to in case it's anything dangerous. Whatever happened to it takes a village to raise a child?

It takes a village to raise a child

I’m hoping you are being ironic @LampLighter414

if not, you’re happy for complete strangers to take your child by the hand and bring them back to your table repeatedly, telling your DC to sit down and stop running around?

OP posts:

Roastonsun8 · 17/05/2022 17:31

@LampLighter414 I'm shocked to read this are you from UK? Sorry but that culture doesn't exist here unfortunately anymore. Them days are long gone people are so sensitive you can't really expect others to disapline your kids whilst you just chat away in the pub. Let them play by all means but once your kids are getting a bit noisy you need to rein them in and if they don't listen you need to warn them they will be consequences. Its a pub not a ball pool!

whumpthereitis · 17/05/2022 17:33

Bold assumption that ‘the village’ want to.

XenoBitch · 17/05/2022 17:37

LampLighter414 · 17/05/2022 15:06

YABU that's hard work on the parents. It might be their first time out in months or even years given covid and a rare luxury given the cost of living crisis. They deserve a break to relax, chat, eat, drink, other people there can pay attention to what their kids are up to in case it's anything dangerous. Whatever happened to it takes a village to raise a child?

Yes, those parents deserve to eat and relax. If they can't watch their own kids then they should leave them at home with a childminder.... you know, someone who is paid to watch kids. Strangers in a restaurant are not that.

chocolatemademefat · 17/05/2022 17:45

Do parents not notice that their kids are being a pain in the arse. They’re entertaining no one with their bad behaviour. If they can’t behave keep them at home when other people are spending money and trying to enjoy themselves. Since we seem to have to consult kids with every decision made nowadays the lunatics are running the asylum.
what kind of adults are they going to be if they have no manners as kids.

Ringo11 · 17/05/2022 18:00

CorpseReviver · 17/05/2022 15:31

Here are some ideas for places you can take your son that aren't hugely inconvenient, annoying, dangerous and unsuitable for him and those around him:

Park
Playground
Woods
Beach
Zoo
Relaxed performance at theatre or cinema
Child-friendly museum
Library
Theme park
Country park
Nature reserve
Friends/family homes

Here are some places you should not be taking your child who cannot sit at a table without running around repeatedly and shouting, risking his own and others' physical safety:

Pub
Restaurant
Non-relaxed performance at theatre or cinema
Non-child-friendly museum/art gallery
Shops full of breakable objects
Funerals

The entire world doesn't revolve around what you want. Other people exist and it's not OK to trample all over everyone else, literally or metaphorically.

Show quote history

I think it's fine to have child friendly places as that helps parents and children to feel more comfortable for sure. However, unless businesses actually stipulate, no children allowed (do some Wetherspoons perhaps?), I don't know how you can create these child free zones you speak of.
Some behaviour like running around isn't acceptable because it's ultimately dangerous. That's one thing. But being intolerant of children in all the places you've listed doesn't seem fair. We've been to 'child friendly' pubs and restaurants where people have been smoking around the entrance or near a play area. Or having been repeatedly swearing loudly for all to hear. Now I really don't like those things around my children but those people aren't breaking any rules, it's just not being respectful to others.

It's really about using your best judgement as a parent, being prepared and teaching children about respect for others. But the same should work for adults too.

Ringo11 · 17/05/2022 18:09

Robinni · 17/05/2022 12:13

@CorpseReviver I am beside my child 100% of the time and do not condone him running around. We will take him outside to run or even a hotel corridor back and forth or to do star jumps!

@ChiefWiggumsBoy What I was pointing out is that in the event my child steps out of line even slightly or we need so walk quickly past people a number of times through a meal to get to an outside space to run he can be met with intolerant, unsupportive people. As I said thankfully few and far between.

People are often intolerant to children broadly.

Absolutely this!

As a parent, I've been in that position where you just want the ground to open up because you feel like you're being judged by everyone around you, despite doing everything you can to support your child's behaviour.

My ds is only 3.5 but also awaiting assessment for adhd. We're sensible about places we go to but I feel that the more places we take him to, like restaurants, the more he'll learn how to behave in different settings and we are guiding him to do that. The thought that people around us don't want you there just because you have children is pretty horrid.

Original poster

Time2ChangeName · 17/05/2022 18:14

Franklin12 · 17/05/2022 17:13

Slightly derailing the thread but when an airline asked whether people wanted to have a child free zone tons of people said yes. Being a bit of a traveller myself there is nothing more annoying then a child screaming and fussing around and the parents or party they are in spreading themselves out trying to get involved.

A few years ago I was coming back long haul and a family got on who claimed the check in agent said they could all sit together and people would move for them (I dont think so!). They then proceeded to approach people in the extra leg room seats to ask them to move. The FD did nothing until the people in the seats refused to move. In the end they were scattered around the cabin and one of the party kept coming and looming and stretching over me because lucky me I was sitting next to their toddler. It was a night flight and the child kept screaming and banging her fists on the seat. In the end I said could he sit down and stop jumping up and down. He also smelt of BO... He then blamed the airline for not allowing them to sit together.

People with children (and I have some grown up ones) often think they can behave how they like. Rules are for the plebs and I have certainly seem people kick off when they arent allowed in certain parts of a pub.

Urgh you’ve just reminded me @Franklin12 of the flight where the family of mum, dad & DS had the seat next to me and the two seats behind. Ma & pa sat together leaving DS beside me and he proceeded to fall asleep on me. I kept pushing him away (I don’t want some random child drooling on me) mum and dad were asleep behind and I remained awake for the whole long haul flight. The child wasn’t noisy or running around, really well behaved you could say but it was an ordeal for me.

OP posts:

JorisBonson · 17/05/2022 18:22

Ringo11 · 17/05/2022 18:09

Absolutely this!

As a parent, I've been in that position where you just want the ground to open up because you feel like you're being judged by everyone around you, despite doing everything you can to support your child's behaviour.

My ds is only 3.5 but also awaiting assessment for adhd. We're sensible about places we go to but I feel that the more places we take him to, like restaurants, the more he'll learn how to behave in different settings and we are guiding him to do that. The thought that people around us don't want you there just because you have children is pretty horrid.

Show quote history

But it's a PUB, for ADULTS! Child friendly doesn't mean it's for children. If someone was puffing away outside a soft play that would be out of order.

JorisBonson · 17/05/2022 18:24

Ringo11 · 17/05/2022 18:00

I think it's fine to have child friendly places as that helps parents and children to feel more comfortable for sure. However, unless businesses actually stipulate, no children allowed (do some Wetherspoons perhaps?), I don't know how you can create these child free zones you speak of.
Some behaviour like running around isn't acceptable because it's ultimately dangerous. That's one thing. But being intolerant of children in all the places you've listed doesn't seem fair. We've been to 'child friendly' pubs and restaurants where people have been smoking around the entrance or near a play area. Or having been repeatedly swearing loudly for all to hear. Now I really don't like those things around my children but those people aren't breaking any rules, it's just not being respectful to others.

It's really about using your best judgement as a parent, being prepared and teaching children about respect for others. But the same should work for adults too.

Show quote history

Quoted the wrong post previously 🤦🏻‍♀️

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 17/05/2022 18:30

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Nanny0gg · 17/05/2022 18:32

LampLighter414 · 17/05/2022 15:06

YABU that's hard work on the parents. It might be their first time out in months or even years given covid and a rare luxury given the cost of living crisis. They deserve a break to relax, chat, eat, drink, other people there can pay attention to what their kids are up to in case it's anything dangerous. Whatever happened to it takes a village to raise a child?

Am I reading this right?

If you want me to parent your child for you I will. But be warned, they'll be no simpering 'aren't they adorable' smiles from me.

They'll be told very firmly to sit down and behave. And they will know that I mean it.

Nanny0gg · 17/05/2022 18:34

Robinni · 17/05/2022 15:21

@CorpseReviver my son has sensory issues - if I didn’t bring him out and give him exposure of different environments he would continue to be highly sensitised. As it stands he has improved hugely and enjoys being out with us as a family. We also have been able to find certain places that work better for him than others.

I am not going to keep him at home because of intolerant people! He is allowed movement breaks in his classroom for goodness sake!! It’s normal for children with his disability.

I think this is arguing for no reason.

If your child has to stand up next to your table and move a little no one should object.

If he starts racing around the restaurant no-one will be happy.

But that's not what you let him do.

dumdumduuuummmmm · 17/05/2022 19:45

ProclivityForPyrotechnics · 16/05/2022 17:48

There's a pub near us that does amazing food. Last year a child ran into a waitress and she poured hot gravy all over him. She was also burned and she broke her leg in the fall. There are signs everywhere saying 'control your kids we serve hot food'

The family are suing the pub for injuring their child. It's a massive thing in the village. No one is in support of them.

It was their fault their kid got hurt

I'm surprised the waitress isn't dying the family

Dauncets · 17/05/2022 19:50

She is tho. One jug of gravy at a time. Eventually she'll kill them all.

rainbowmilk · 17/05/2022 19:53

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Was this in response to my experience of being in a cancer waiting room, inexplicably shared with the maternity unit, and struggling to cope as I’d just been through surgical infertility? If so it’s in shockingly bad taste, even for MN.

mushypeasontoast · 17/05/2022 20:01

I was a cow a few months ago. We were in a restaurant, late in the evening and a family were letting their dc run around the restaurant, hide behind tables, shout for each other etc.

I walked over to the parents and asked them if it was at all possible to stop them being disruptive as the reason we were having a late dinner was because dmil had passed away earlier that day. This was true, we were grieving and the dc were not helping.

I've never seen someone lose the colour from their face so quickly. They then started to parent.

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 17/05/2022 20:19

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Goldijobsandthe3bears · 17/05/2022 20:20

mushypeasontoast · 17/05/2022 20:01

I was a cow a few months ago. We were in a restaurant, late in the evening and a family were letting their dc run around the restaurant, hide behind tables, shout for each other etc.

I walked over to the parents and asked them if it was at all possible to stop them being disruptive as the reason we were having a late dinner was because dmil had passed away earlier that day. This was true, we were grieving and the dc were not helping.

I've never seen someone lose the colour from their face so quickly. They then started to parent.

That doesn’t sound cowish to me, sounds reasonable.