To think I have to drop out now

[Elhona]

I regularly play a card game with a group of friends aged 25-55. I’ve known one person for years, they invited me to play and that’s how I met the others. We’ve played on and off for a couple of years as permitted by Covid. It’s a lifeline for me because I’m usually stuck at home with my kids and never get out.

One person has approached the organiser (whose house we play at) to ask if their 16yo cousin could play with us. Organiser has said yes. I’m really upset. This is my only time away from the kids and I don’t want to hang out with another kid. We use rude words and occasional sexual comments and adult conversations. Those who aren’t driving drink alcohol. I just don’t think it’s appropriate.

I pointed this out and the person said it’s fine, I’ve told his mum we’re a bit rude sometimes and we drink, and she’s fine with it. Well she might be fine with it but I don’t feel comfortable at all! I feel like I can’t relax any more, I have to watch what I say because there’s a child present. Also very upset that the rest of us weren’t asked if we felt comfortable with a child joining in, we were just told that’s what was happening. Nobody else has said they feel uncomfortable.

I have to drop out of the group and find a new hobby don’t I? Gutted.. 😩

Maybe this 16yr old really needs this activity too.... Don't jump to conclusions just wait and see. The likelihood is that they will drop out after a or 2 evenings.

Well he may be mature for his age ,or he may come the once and decide its boring and not for him .Who knows? TBH unless you are playing Strip poker then time to relax ! I would imagine most 16 year olds will have heard swear words before! A game or two of whist will be enough for him I expect,

Think you're being really precious. Carry on as you normally would and if whoever's looking out for this teenager decides it's inappropriate then that's their problem.

Agree with PPs, you've got to wait and see. It almost certainly won't last long.

When he was 16 my DS would rather have eaten his own vomit than spend an evening playing cards with a bunch of oldies!

The 16 yr old likely knows mores swear words than you!

I'd go once, and see what the reality is before making a decision.

And you may find that others raise questions too.

you are being ridiculous. 16 year olds can be good company and they know plenty of swear words themselves and have been around booze.

I think it depends on the teenager and you won’t know till you try. My nephew left school and went to technical college at 16 and now at 17 works with a team of men age 20-50 and fits in fine. He’s always been older than his years.
Hes attending with a cousin not a parent or parental figure so should be treated as a young adult and behave as one.

I’d give it a go. My neighbour’s 16/17 yo has hung out with us on nights at their house and she’s really fab to chat to. I forgot her age to be honest. It really depends on the dc.

You ARE being mean. You’ve not even tried it. Leave the group and find another; try not to strop off and make the poor teenager feel incredibly awkward.

I'm with you, OP. A 16 year old (who is legally a child) will change the dynamic. But I would go to a couple of evenings, not change my behaviour and see how it goes. You might find others are not happy with it either. If people leave the group it will be pretty obvious he wasn't welcome.

@SpaceFarce I think you'll find you're the one being mean.

It's not OPs job to manage a teenagers feelings. It's clear this is a sticking point.

I do think it will be ok OP. Try not to build it up too much in your mind.

I think YANBU OP. I would feel the same. We have a regular games night and I wouldn't be happy with this. It does change the dynamics.

Come on now - people of all ages play mtg especially teens and it’s pretty much a given that any adult playing it is probably slightly socially awkward - I played competitively and at tons of different gaming stores for 3 years and it really was a rare occasion when I met someone who wasn’t.

give him a chance, or cut your nose off to spite your face and quit. If he’s super annoying then you might have a reason to whinge but you haven’t even met him. Or if his cousin gives him a really good deck to play with and he crushes you.

This should have been a group decision, not a unilateral one forced upon the group. You may find others unhappy about it, also.

Must admit I chuckled when I realised it was Magic The Gathering - a game aimed at children!

I would find it annoying but crack on as usual. I have a 16-year old and swearing front of them all the time (never yet heard him swear but I'm sure he does in front of his mates). Carry on with the innuendos as well he will soon die of embarrassment and stop coming!

Is it MYG? Then you are being unreasonable. If it was Bridge then you’ve got more reason but if you play a kids game then you have to suck it up

A 16 year old really isn't a child and probably know more rude words than you do.

It’s a sticking point only for the OP. The rest of the group is fine with it, unless I’ve missed something?

It's not a teenager’s job to manage an adult’s feelings. He’s been invited, is excited to join and is at that awkward age where it’s easy to feel like you don’t belong. OP doesn't even want to give it a go! I think that is really mean (and I think OP knows it is too) - you don’t have to agree. If she flounces off from the group without even trying it, she will make the poor guy feel really bad.

It's not about rude words, it's about not being around a teenager.
OP I get what you're saying and also worked with young people... like its ingrained in you to be a certain way around young people.
All the training you have around boundaries...it can't be forgotten.
I really feel for you and know I would feel the same.

Except not really. That’s your perspective but if you’ve ever been in a service job or whatever, you will have worked around people this young who are treated as adults, and people don’t regulate around them at all. It is for them to adjust.

You think of him as a kid but think, he could be working on building sites with 30 and 40 year old men who swear and talk sexually a lot more than your group.

If he’s 16 won’t he be doing exams , then it will be the summer so really it may just turn out to be a short lived thing . Also may be a bit of humouring his older cousin.

I agree with you OP.