Judged for *Only having one child

[Sameasitwas]

Was at the playground yesterday with Dd, almost 4, she was playing with all the kids and I got chatting to a mum with a younger girl and two teenage boys. Chatting away quite happily until she asked if I had anymore children and I said only Dd…her face changed and she looked almost shocked, like a bad smell was under her nose 😬She drifted away after that and went to talk to someone else.
I've never encountered that before, do people really judge people with only one child?
Not that it would have been any of her business, but I had Dd late due to infertility and years of waiting, we would have loved more…but even if we hadn’t, so what?! What’s the issue?

This.👏

Is ‘I’m being honest. I know I’ll get flamed for it’ the new ‘I’m not racist, but…’

add to that “I judge behind their back, like normal people”.

Unreal.

hastings MAJOR cunt fuck. Bet you are the type who is guilty of saying insensitive comments and criticises people with one child. Arse wipe 😃

I had no idea people judged families with only one child tbh. I really wanted to have more than one as I appreciate having my brother and his family. My brother is a lot older than me and I was sometimes a bit lonely as a child. These are all very subjective and personal feelings. I know a few only children and only one is happy being an only and she has chosen herself to only have one. The others I know wish they had support in later life particularly to deal with elderly parents and to feel supported generally. I'd imagine there's way more judgement for larger families. My partner is from a large family and I have to admit I do have snotty thoughts about that sometimes!

You had no idea people judged them, but, you just judged them. Honestly!

When younger I thought I'll have lots of kids (influenced by tv shows etc, no doubt) but at the same time families with one child always seemed much cooler! I was also jealous of my friends who were an only.

Surprised to hear there's judging, as I never did.

Anyway, I have one now after two full term pregnancies. I will always miss my first born who didn't make it and the last thing I need to worry about how it looks, what others think, wether they judge.
For those on the fence, there's a lovely book called 'One and Only, The Freedom of having one child and the Joy of being an only' by Lauren Sandler, which is very well researched and very helpful.

That's nice for you. I have two older siblings who I have no real relationship with, one still lives with our parent so I have to see them when I visit, and the other one lives abroad and we speak maybe a couple of times a year, again usually when I happen to be visiting home and they are on facetime with my parent.

I do wish that we had a better relationship, but we are very different people. And to be honest, neither of them are particularly nice. There is a lot of stuff from the past that has bred resentment.

They fell other with each other and went no contact for a few years, and have ruined quite a few Christmases with a blazing rows. I think that they are both jealous of each other.

I'm lucky that I have three very close female friends who I would count as sisters. Funnily enough, none of us are only children. One has a brother who she is no contact with. One has a brother and a sister, and is close to her brother but has a difficult relationship with her sister. One has a sister and three brothers, close to her sister, not at all with her brothers.

Having siblings does not guarantee that children won't technically be an only child. In fact I'd say having siblings guarantees that there will be some complicated dynamics or resentment of some kind!

I’m an only child. I have two DDs. My DH is one of three.

I am very lucky that my DDs get on really well; watching their relationship has been one of the highlights of motherhood for me and I really wish I had had a sister myself along similar lines, especially now all the crap of sorting out elderly parents etc falls to me.

BUT my DH has two brothers. To whom he is utterly indifferent; I think we’ve seen them once in 5 years at a party my MIL had. All the caring for elderly parents falls to DH because his brothers are useless, but they still stick their beak in. My DH really wishes that he had been an only child.

In conclusion - yes, having a loving, affirmative relationship with a sibling that lasts a lifetime must be amazing thing and must be better than being an only child. But being an only child must be better than having a fractious, difficult relationship with a sibling. So it’s swings and roundabouts, really - and nobody can guarantee what will happen. My friend has two kids who fight constantly; my kids are best mates. I can’t see that’s down to anything more than luck.

I get this judgement a lot (sometimes in front of my daughter) and it really upsets me. Complete strangers who know nothing about our struggle with secondary infertility and the heartbreak I feel. Only last week a mum I met through a friend holding a one year old baby whilst her older daughter okayed telling me huw important it is to give your child a sibling! Or that look of pity when I say I’ve got one.
Ive had 8 failed ivf transfers and often feel very low about it all but manage to pick myself up for her and take her somewhere nice (often lots of kids there as she’s 5 and likes to interact with other kids) only to be met by this. The ignorance out there is terrible, I really hope it changes in the future.

Ugh. It’s unbelievable that people have the nerve to say negative things directly about this subject. Imagine being that bloody self absorbed and ill mannered to think anyone gives a toss about your opinion on the number of children someone else has. Piss Off! is the best possible response to such sanctimonious crap.

Feel free to judge my perfectly lovely life. Having 1 dd has enabled me to have a great balance in life and she's one of the best people I know and prefers having a dog to a sibling. Life is great and I really don't give a shit what people think.