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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm jealous of people who get inheritances

496 replies

Barnabee · 15/05/2022 20:42

Yeah I know you'll all pile on telling me I should expect nothing. But some people have lovely families who want to pass something forwards to help their children. I'll never have that.

OP posts:
DingDongBingBong · 15/05/2022 20:43

Then make sure any children you have now or in the future do

BelperLawnmower · 15/05/2022 20:44

Much the same as a scratch card win, clearly not unreasonable, not sure what the point of the post is!

Cervinia · 15/05/2022 20:46

But not every family can pass on an inheritance. For many people the savings get swallowed up with care costs or they never had any money, it isn’t about not wanting to pass something down. YABU.

Anonnnnnnm · 15/05/2022 20:47

Focus on making sure your kids have a good inheritance then.

GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 20:47

Lots of them would rather still have their relative so yabu

LeeMucklowesCurtains · 15/05/2022 20:47

Ah, I was in line for one. It was held over me all my life by my dad.

Then he got dementia and had to go into a care home and it will all soon be gone on care fees.

Unless people have very rich parents, you can never bank on anything.

dogsandcoffee · 15/05/2022 20:49

My husband inherited over £300k when his dad died.

he would give it all up in a second to have him back.

Egghead68 · 15/05/2022 20:49

I inherited from a friend. I would rather have the friend.
But I know what you mean. Inheritances just perpetuate inequalities in society.

TankFlyBoss · 15/05/2022 20:49

I had an inheritance. I had to lose my mum at age 21 to get it though.

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 15/05/2022 20:50

I want to keep all the relatives I have thanks

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2022 20:51

Feel jealous of a lottery win.

But don't feel jealous that someone died.

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 15/05/2022 20:52

GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 20:47

Lots of them would rather still have their relative so yabu

Some of us have the deceased parents AND no inheritance, which I am guessing is where the OP is coming from.

I will say YABU, as envy is just a really pointless emotion. My parents died when I was really young and only left debts. I occasionally grit my teeth when people bang on about getting to where they've got on hard work alone, because they forget that even small inheritances create security. However I try to remember that have had my share of good fortune in other (non-material) ways.

HikingforScenery · 15/05/2022 20:52

DingDongBingBong · 15/05/2022 20:43

Then make sure any children you have now or in the future do

This!

We’re sort of in the same boat as you, OP but we’re doing our best to make sure our children stand on our shoulders.

Maëlys · 15/05/2022 20:52

I hear you OP. It’s the only way a lot of people will ever be able to afford to buy their own home. It makes a hell of a difference.

yaboreme · 15/05/2022 20:54

Although I believe that inheritance must be nice...

I prefer that I've inherited the traits of my family. Caring, loving, understanding etc... so have my children. That costs nothing and sets you up better in my eyes.

BananaSpanner · 15/05/2022 20:54

Another who is watching any inheritance swallowed up by care home fees. My mum isn’t that old but has dementia and other health conditions. So it’s going on that. The thing that upsets me most is that I don’t have more time with my mum who isn’t even 80.

Nobody should have any expectations around inheritance.

Seymour5 · 15/05/2022 20:54

I lost my dad in my teens. No inheritance. Very small inheritance from FIL. But I hope the house DH and I scrimped to pay for will go to our DC. It won’t be a big inheritance, they don’t need it, but it will help the DGC.

123ROLO · 15/05/2022 20:54

It's not unreasonable to be jealous.

We are all going to lose loved ones. Obviously we would prefer that loved one stay with us, but if it's a choice between losing a loved one and getting nothing, or losing a loved one and being provided with financial security, Obviously the latter is better.

MadMadMadamMim · 15/05/2022 20:55

I'm fortunate, I suppose, in that I don't actually know anyone who received an inheritance from their parents and I'm almost 60. Myself and most of my friends came from very ordinary backgrounds where parents had nothing really to leave. It's not a question of having a lovely family who wanted to pass money on - they were just working class and had nothing to give.

luckylavender · 15/05/2022 20:55

Anonnnnnnm · 15/05/2022 20:47

Focus on making sure your kids have a good inheritance then.

There's no guarantee. Care Home fees can soon wipe out any intended inheritance.

BelperLawnmower · 15/05/2022 20:56

yaboreme · 15/05/2022 20:54

Although I believe that inheritance must be nice...

I prefer that I've inherited the traits of my family. Caring, loving, understanding etc... so have my children. That costs nothing and sets you up better in my eyes.

You do realise that you'd have still got all of that if there was a £4m legacy in a will! Not mutually exclusive.

BrokenWing · 15/05/2022 20:57

There are lots of things you can be jealous of whether it is financial, material, relationships, family, health etc.

If it is something you cant change, it is healthier to focus on the things you can. Very few people have it all.

PurpleSky300 · 15/05/2022 20:58

It is difficult not to have these kind of thoughts when you're struggling. Just push them away - you wouldn't wish anyone ill. Things change with time.

Fuuuuuckit · 15/05/2022 20:58

YANBU OP. And that's coming from a place where I'm about to inherit a small sum. My relative was looking at a long, drawn out old age, likely in very expensive care, unfortunately she passed very suddenly and unexpectedly at the start of the year, so there is a small 'estate' as such, to be shared amongst her family.

My BFF lost her mum before Xmas, and it is looking like her dad is going to need care now. A lifetime of hard work to buy, maintain and provide a family home, now about to be swallowed up in care fees.

BelperLawnmower · 15/05/2022 20:59

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2022 20:51

Feel jealous of a lottery win.

But don't feel jealous that someone died.

Whether they leave an inheritance or not does not stop them from dying!