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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm jealous of people who get inheritances

496 replies

Barnabee · 15/05/2022 20:42

Yeah I know you'll all pile on telling me I should expect nothing. But some people have lovely families who want to pass something forwards to help their children. I'll never have that.

OP posts:
Youseethethingis1 · 15/05/2022 21:37

My grandparents were old before they died and left me and my brother with what I consider to be a life-changing amount of money. Small change to lots of people I'm sure, but what they provided us with was security and choices in life.
Even now, sitting in a house with a small mortgage and a large amount of equity heading into the financial shit storm that the next few years looks likely to bring, I am grateful every day for what they did for me, and for the security it now provides my own children in turn.
Out family motto, if we have one, is "pay forward what you can't pay back". And I will. My children can stand on my shoulders just as I stood on my parents and grandparents. Each generation looking after the next as best they can. I hope my children are able to do the same in turn.
As far as I am concerned I have alot to be jealous of, so anyone jealous is not being unreasonable at all.

Pluvia · 15/05/2022 21:37

DownToTheSeaAgain · 15/05/2022 21:20

The premise behind this is that inheritance is somehow easy money. The reality is that it generally means that you've lost someone very dear.

YANBU to want free money. Who doesn't. YABTotallyU to present inheritance as a pain free way of obtaining it.

You only have to watch Heir Hunters to know that many people inherit money, sometimes lots of it, from people they never knew. One of my friends turned out to be the last surviving relative of someone she'd never heard of, and ended up with a house in St Ives.

Millions more inherit money from people they don't care much about, or people who have been so ill, or so frail and miserable, that death has come as a relief for all. I speak as someone who felt that way when my mum finally died from a particularly horrible form of cancer and when death brought my aunt relief from MND.

missypissy · 15/05/2022 21:37

All this “they would rather their parent still be here”.

Well I’m sorry but when said parent has died aged 98 and you get left 500k you’re hardly going to say no and start crying about all this money you’ve been left.

OP I have inheritance coming my way but I can appreciate it must be hard if you know you haven’t got anything coming to you whilst everyone around you dips in to some degree.

HarrietteNightingale · 15/05/2022 21:37

It meant losing my dad at the age of 64. While the financial security is very much appreciated I would rather have him alive.

SisterAgatha · 15/05/2022 21:38

I lost my dad aged 12 with no inheritance as he was early 30’s and had no time to garner anything to pass on. So there isn’t just I’d rather have my relative over the money, some people get no relative and no money. It’s just the way of the world.

all I wanted was his record collection, which I didn’t get either. Is it unfair? Massively. The world is unfair. But people don’t like you to say it outloud.

ChanceNorman · 15/05/2022 21:38

I'll have my mum back. Couldn't care less about the money

So you donated it to charity I assume? How lovely of you.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 15/05/2022 21:38

@Applegreenb you’ve said exactly what I was going to say.

MN can be very holier-than-thou about inheritances, OP - of course it’s nice to get something to make life a bit easier, and I wouldn’t blame anyone who knows they’ll never get anything, for feeling jealous of those who have, or who will.

katienana · 15/05/2022 21:39

I'd rather my parents enjoyed their money and used their house to fund good quality care if they need to than fret about passing down a lump sum.
OP it must be really tough if you're feeling alone which is what I got from your post but its never too late to build your own family whatever shape that might take x

Weirdlynormal · 15/05/2022 21:39

BelperLawnmower · 15/05/2022 21:35

I mean you could donate it to charity?

Show quote history

Exactly

Kendodd · 15/05/2022 21:39

Michellexxx · 15/05/2022 21:31

But whoever made the money worked hard for it, and perhaps made specific decisions to ensure this would happen. So it may not be ‘easy’ money..
it’s a bit like the free speech argument- everyone’s for it when it’s what you agree with. I’m fairly sure absolutely no one who has posted on this would refuse an inheritance.
And everyone dies. With it without money.

Show quote history

But whoever made the money worked hard for it
No they didn't.

Most of it comes from the sale of a house. People who work and pay a mortgage don't work any harder than people who work and pay rent. In fact I'd bet people who rent all their lives spend more on housing costs over their lifetime than owners.

TabithaTittlemouse · 15/05/2022 21:40

Barnabee · 15/05/2022 21:28

I don't have any parents to inherit from, I grew up in care.

Just quoting in case people missed this as it is important.

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 15/05/2022 21:40

Either way it’s pretty grim for people to tell others who have lost parents young that they are lucky

Bunnycat101 · 15/05/2022 21:41

There are such massive variations in circumstances though. If I died tomorrow, my husband would get a massive pay-off but he and my children would go through some massive trauma for that. My friend has just lost her mum at an early age and inheritance is not on her mind at all, just huge sadness and grief. One day she might get an inheritance from her dad but that could be 30 years away and totally irrelevant to her experiences now.

At the other end of the scale, my granny died in her late 80s and was able to leave enough to make my parents’ retirement much more comfortable and pay for my wedding. She had a full and high quality old age. It made a massive difference to their lives that she passed quickly and didn’t spend anything on care costs. That is the way I think a lot of people would want to go out (or would like older relatives to go). in contrast, My husband’s grandparents had high care costs due to dementia, poor quality of life near the end and had nothing to leave. its a bit of a roll of the dice which way health goes and I can see why people would find that unfair.

IrisVersicolor · 15/05/2022 21:41

Barnabee · 15/05/2022 20:42

Yeah I know you'll all pile on telling me I should expect nothing. But some people have lovely families who want to pass something forwards to help their children. I'll never have that.

Isn’t that more the issue here than the money? Growing up in care is tough, not having a secure family unit. I’d understand if you said you envied people who’d had families. It sounds like your sense of lack is that rather than the money.

Oysterbabe · 15/05/2022 21:43

HairyToity · 15/05/2022 21:32

My cousin inherited 250k in her mid 20s. She bought a home, sold a home, travelled around the world, got married, got divorced, did a second degree, and at 40 every penny of it has gone, and she has nothing to show for it. And is not due any further inheritance.

Occasionally money that is easy come, is also easily gone, and not always a blessing.

Travelling around the world and a degree is not nothing.

SoupDragon · 15/05/2022 21:43

BelperLawnmower · 15/05/2022 21:35

I mean you could donate it to charity?

Show quote history

Would that being her mum back then or are you ignoring that bit?

this thread is horrible and full of nastiness.

Tagliatellme · 15/05/2022 21:44

Barnabee · 15/05/2022 20:42

Yeah I know you'll all pile on telling me I should expect nothing. But some people have lovely families who want to pass something forwards to help their children. I'll never have that.

Yeah, my dad died in my twenties, then my mum and mother in law died within a few weeks of easy other. In between the two of them dying, my FiL had cancer surgery, then he died. DH's sister had died in her early 40s.

We inherited. Lucky fucking us eh?

Whelmed · 15/05/2022 21:44

Yanbu.

Pegasaurus · 15/05/2022 21:44

YANBU, the comparativley modest sum I inherited has given me security and a little more freedom of choice, after having lived on a very tight budget for all my adult life I really appreciate it and I know it's what my parents would have wanted and that brings some comfort too.

Comedycook · 15/05/2022 21:44

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 15/05/2022 21:40

Either way it’s pretty grim for people to tell others who have lost parents young that they are lucky

I lost my parents young...to be fair, the inheritance made the whole ordeal a lot easier. I was living with my remaining parent when they died and the money meant I could buy my own property and be secure.

The op grew up in care. That must be really tough.

harriethoyle · 15/05/2022 21:45

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2022 20:51

Feel jealous of a lottery win.

But don't feel jealous that someone died.

This. What is the matter with you? Jealous of people who've lost, in the main, their parents for cash? I would give anything to have my mum back and my dad in sound mind. Ten times anything monetary I'll ever get. Shame on you.

IrisVersicolor · 15/05/2022 21:45

So you donated it to charity I assume? How lovely of you.

Ah hypothetically generous with someone else’s money. How easy for you.

EleonorBronte · 15/05/2022 21:45

this thread is oozing with self righteousness Grin

it is my late dad's birthday today. I have a dark sense of humour so I choose to see my inheritance as "Look dad, if you'd bought that farm in the 80's like you wanted to, both my sister and I would probably be millionaires today".

The UK's obsession with inheritance always strikes me as a symptom of wealth inequality and class stagnation - similar to our poisonous penchant for expensive home ownership. The playing field isn't fair, so we live in dreams and bitterness.

FruitToast · 15/05/2022 21:46

YANBU. When my grandparents died I got nothing from one set and a very respectable £10k from the other. DH got well over £100k (I have no idea of the full extent of it). We both grieved, we've both lost grandparents and would give anything to have them back, but life is a hell of a lot easier when you receive an instant house deposit!

venusandmars · 15/05/2022 21:48

I received a small inheritance when my parents died (both in their lates 80s). It was nice but there were times in my earlier life when I really, really struggled financially. £200 then would have been more valuable than £20,000 when I was 57. But they believed you made your own bed and you had to lie on it, so I got not a penny of help when it was desperately needed.

I gave all of the inheritance to my dc. It made a big difference to their lives in their 20s.