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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm jealous of people who get inheritances

496 replies

Barnabee · 15/05/2022 20:42

Yeah I know you'll all pile on telling me I should expect nothing. But some people have lovely families who want to pass something forwards to help their children. I'll never have that.

OP posts:
lameasahorse · 15/05/2022 21:48

This reply has been withdrawn

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Lindy2 · 15/05/2022 21:48

Yes an inheritance can make a huge financial difference but it generally means someone who was loved has died.

I inherited from my Grandparents. It was enough to pay off our mortgage. I cried at the appointment with my mortgage provider when we dealt with all the paperwork.

LazyJayne · 15/05/2022 21:48

Are people purposefully missing the point?

It’s not a case of ‘I’d rather have the person’.

Obviously you’d rather have the person. Everyone who isn’t a massive arsehole would rather have the person.

But some people inherit £250,000 when their loved ones die, while others inherit nothing.

Both would rather have the person.

But one is a hell of a lot better off.

Feelingoktoday · 15/05/2022 21:49

All of my friends have inherited. It has enabled them to clear mortgages, buy their kids cars, help their kids with deposits and extend their houses. My dad died a few years ago and a friend expressed surprise that I was getting nothing. Some people are clueless.

PeachPizza · 15/05/2022 21:49

I've got £500k but had to watch my parent die 30 years too young.

Can you guess what my preference would be?

lameasahorse · 15/05/2022 21:49

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

NeverDropYourMooncup · 15/05/2022 21:49

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 15/05/2022 21:40

Either way it’s pretty grim for people to tell others who have lost parents young that they are lucky

As the OP grew up in Care, I think she is still perfectly within her rights to feel that those who had parents for some point of their life that presumably cared for them enough to leave an inheritance are pretty bloody lucky.

I think it's less about the money for the OP and more that the money is the physical sign of having been a loved child of caring and functional parents.

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 15/05/2022 21:49

I have never been given anything by either parent. All of my friends had significant financial help to buy their first homes. It is hard not to have negative feelings about that - I dont hate my friends of course, but t is hard not to hate being in such a different situation.

tinx · 15/05/2022 21:51

DingDongBingBong · 15/05/2022 20:43

Then make sure any children you have now or in the future do

This 👆

myself and my husband have worked our socks off to give our children what we never received from our parents. We have clawed away through life because we had nothing. Everything we have we worked damn hard for it, I can now say our children are privileged and will never know how we felt and struggled but we also make sure they work hard too at school so they can stand on their own two feet as we never know what the future holds

GayParis · 15/05/2022 21:51

PeachPizza · 15/05/2022 21:49

I've got £500k but had to watch my parent die 30 years too young.

Can you guess what my preference would be?

This isn't the point tho.

OP may well have lost parents, in fact millions have lost parents but have absolutely nothing to fall back on to make living with grief that little bit easier.

You have half a million behind you to ensure that you can live comfortably while you process the loss of a parent. That is the point... I don't think anyone is arguing the preference of having living parents Hmm

toconclude · 15/05/2022 21:51

Kendodd · 15/05/2022 21:39

But whoever made the money worked hard for it
No they didn't.

Most of it comes from the sale of a house. People who work and pay a mortgage don't work any harder than people who work and pay rent. In fact I'd bet people who rent all their lives spend more on housing costs over their lifetime than owners.

Show quote history

They don't necessarily work any less hard. How much money you have and have to pay out have relatively little relationship to how hard you worked for it. The idea that if you have a house via mortgage you "didn't work hard" for it is frankly offensive and ignorant. I know people who used to work two jobs, skip meals and lived in secondhand clothes when interest rates were 15%. Note I say "I know" - I'm not trolling for personal sympathy here.
Yes, house price inflation has been crazy and inheritances in some places likewise. But the idea that if you have a mortgage not rent you don't work for it is bollocks.

GayParis · 15/05/2022 21:52

LazyJayne · 15/05/2022 21:48

Are people purposefully missing the point?

It’s not a case of ‘I’d rather have the person’.

Obviously you’d rather have the person. Everyone who isn’t a massive arsehole would rather have the person.

But some people inherit £250,000 when their loved ones die, while others inherit nothing.

Both would rather have the person.

But one is a hell of a lot better off.

Yes! This in spades!

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 15/05/2022 21:52

NeverDropYourMooncup · 15/05/2022 21:49

As the OP grew up in Care, I think she is still perfectly within her rights to feel that those who had parents for some point of their life that presumably cared for them enough to leave an inheritance are pretty bloody lucky.

I think it's less about the money for the OP and more that the money is the physical sign of having been a loved child of caring and functional parents.

Show quote history

Someone said further up the thread that they lost their parents at 21 and people actually approached them to tell them they were lucky, that is what I was referring to not the OP.

lollipoprainbow · 15/05/2022 21:53

@PeachPizza I lost my dad at 14 and was left nothing. Half a million would have been a comfort believe me.

IrisVersicolor · 15/05/2022 21:53

EleonorBronte · 15/05/2022 21:45

this thread is oozing with self righteousness Grin

it is my late dad's birthday today. I have a dark sense of humour so I choose to see my inheritance as "Look dad, if you'd bought that farm in the 80's like you wanted to, both my sister and I would probably be millionaires today".

The UK's obsession with inheritance always strikes me as a symptom of wealth inequality and class stagnation - similar to our poisonous penchant for expensive home ownership. The playing field isn't fair, so we live in dreams and bitterness.

Not in the OP’s case but I think it’s more symptomatic of living in a wealthy country with a fair degree of entitlement. S’not fair.

StageRage · 15/05/2022 21:53

GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 20:47

Lots of them would rather still have their relative so yabu

All of us eventually lose our loved elders: we’re mortal.

However much any of us miss our parents the fact is some end up with an inheritance, some don’t.

Pointless guilt trip.

Wintersgirl · 15/05/2022 21:53

FiveShelties · 15/05/2022 21:14

Jealous of people who have lost relatives?

This has to be a wind up.

I don't think for one minute the OP is suggesting that, I've read many threads where the inheritance has been given early while everyone is still alive..

Feelingoktoday · 15/05/2022 21:54

I’ve lost both of my parents. My mum when I was early 20s. I got nothing. Of course I would rather have my parents than money. But money helps - I don’t care what people say. It helps. It clears debts, it pays living costs etc. It gives choices. Inheritance is just another inequality in this world.

IrisVersicolor · 15/05/2022 21:55

As the OP grew up in Care, I think she is still perfectly within her rights to feel that those who had parents for some point of their life that presumably cared for them enough to leave an inheritance are pretty bloody lucky.

Leaving an inheritance is f all to do with how much your parents care for you. In many cases it’s down to fluke of circumstance.

Allusernamesalreadyused · 15/05/2022 21:55

Not always true that people would prefer to have the relative alive. My brother and sis in law got massive inheritance from her two elderly aunts who never married. Nice old dears but they are definitely enjoying the money.
Only thing thats irritating is they pretend they got nothing really but have built new house, holidays etc etc and they pretend it's from working. One wage coming into house and have best of everything. 4 kids who want for nothing. Good for them but don't bullshit about where money came from🤑

ReadyToMoveIt · 15/05/2022 21:56

Lindy2 · 15/05/2022 21:48

Yes an inheritance can make a huge financial difference but it generally means someone who was loved has died.

I inherited from my Grandparents. It was enough to pay off our mortgage. I cried at the appointment with my mortgage provider when we dealt with all the paperwork.

Well yeah… but my grandparents are also all dead, and there was no inheritance.
People who don’t inherit don’t have all their loved ones still around them. Their relatives have also died. They just haven’t inherited anything.

Weirdlynormal · 15/05/2022 21:56

lollipoprainbow · 15/05/2022 21:53

@PeachPizza I lost my dad at 14 and was left nothing. Half a million would have been a comfort believe me.

Yes indeed.

people are so virtuous on here.

my DH and I have inherited a life changing amount. Of course it makes a difference, to deny that would be ridiculous.

i think inheritances are bad for society. Yes I’d give up the money.

Comedycook · 15/05/2022 21:57

Shit situation
Or
Same shit situation plus money

pick one

Kendodd · 15/05/2022 21:58

The UK's obsession with inheritance always strikes me as a symptom of wealth inequality and class stagnation - similar to our poisonous penchant for expensive home ownership. The playing field isn't fair, so we live in dreams and bitterness.
Very well put.

Poopootatty · 15/05/2022 21:58

I hear you @Barnabee and I agree. I will get nothing from my parents and it sucks to be that person on the receiving end of selfish decisions.

I am working hard to make sure that my children have security during and after my life. They will have so much more than I ever did - I never want them to doubt our support. Not just financially, but to have what I imagine is an amazing feeling of knowing that mum and dad have your back. I never had that. To me the inheritance issue is an extension of that. If you have it, why wouldn’t you want to give it?