I'm jealous of people who get inheritances

[Barnabee]

Yeah I know you'll all pile on telling me I should expect nothing. But some people have lovely families who want to pass something forwards to help their children. I'll never have that.

I’d rather my mum spent her hard-earned money on making her own life better rather than pass it on to me. YABU.

I can understand feeling the way you do OP.

I'm in a good financial position myself but my parents have been unfortunate over the years and even in their 70's are still living in rented accommodation. There's no big pot of cash or assets that will pass to me. My DM got £100k from my DGM's estate but I fully expect her to spend it on herself and her life, rather than pass it to me.

The only reason I've got an inheritance is because my mum died unexpectedly whilst she was still young. She was an only child and I'm an only child so when her parents both died last year it came to me.

I'd give it back in a heartbeat for one last cuddle with my mum.

Funnily enough, my mum used to say "never wish for money, as someone will die"

OP, your post suggests to me that the issue is, that your family may be able to accumulate wealth, but they do nor care to share it with their family members who are not so lucky? That does not sound very nice.
I am sorry , are theybuncaring in other ways ?

I hope to have enough to support myself through old age, without burden to my family. In an ideal world there would be something left for the next generation.
I see nothing wrong in that hope - I work, pay taxes, mortgage , etc.

Not sure why I would pass any surplus to charity, government, or anyone else with whom I have no bond. It won’t be much either way.

@BelperLawnmower I understand what you are saying, but that's my take on it.

I don't feel upset/ jealous that someone is inheriting a large sum of money. Everyone's circumstances are different.

I just look at the other positives.

Can I say it louder for those at the back? If you lose a relative that you love the grief is the same whether they leave an inheritance or not?
So all of you saying you'd rather have your relative back do you not think that those who were left nothing don't want them back too?
Let's face it. An inheritance softens the blow of a bereavement.

My Mum inherited ££££ when my Dad died young.
His pension, life insurance, house, savings - the lot.
Yes, she would have much preferred to have lived her life with him and she grieved for him as much as anyone.
BUT… She is the first to say that he left her in a very comfortable position financially. She didn’t have to work and was financially secure.
She would consider herself fortunate (note I didn’t use the word ‘lucky’) compared to widows/widowers who are left with the added burden of not being able to pay the bills/support their children.

I understand where you are coming from OP.

I don’t really understand this being jealous of other people. Personally I’d love to have my health, and a secure job. But feeling jealous of people who do has never occurred to me. Inheritance is not on my wish list - it’s so random. Wherever you are there are always people better off than you.

This. I've had bad things happen to me, and good. Some people have had worse experiences, some better. C'est la vie. No one said it was going to be fair.

Let's face it. An inheritance softens the blow of a bereavement.

I agree. (See my post above!)

My dad died some years ago and I still miss him very much. The money he left me means my mortgage repayments now are relatively low and although my family are feeling the price rises we are not desperate. I am grateful for that every single day. Grief is awful. Inheritances can help people. These two truths can exist side by side.

But what's the alternative? Upon a person's death all their money goes straight into government coffers and be 'redistributed' according to the whims of a corrupt government? That would just be lining their pockets.

Also, if inheritance was scrapped, don't be fooled that it would magically even out inequality in our society. You can bet that rich people would find some other way to pass on assets - in trusts, offshore accounts, whatever. It's human nature, people want to keep what's theirs and ensure their offspring are protected.

Yes, it's shit that some people get handed large amounts of money they didn't earn, but truthfully OP, if you had children and some money to leave - wouldn't you want it to go to them?

YANBU, OP.

It's a reminder how, through sheer luck, some people just end up better off.

The luck of having family to inherit from at all, the luck of them being on good terms with one another, the luck of that relative not needing expensive longterm care, the luck of having a relative with anything to inherit from them etc.

Obviously it's not lucky to lose someone, but if you're losing them either way - it's luckier that they die and you inherit from them because they did have money/something to inherit, it didn't get taken up in care, they happen to be related to you... that IS luck, because you don't (generally) have any impact on those things.

I've got a friend who just inherited a lot of money from grandparents she was estranged from and didn't know were going to leave her anything/had anything to leave, and she's bought a house outright (a small house! Not a mansion, but a house mortgage free). We grew up on the same council estate, making the same jokes about hiding from the Provident woman and not being able to afford having the heating on and getting jobs at 14 to help out our single mums. We've both similarly done okay for ourselves - but we've talked about both being very conscious that our upbringing meant we always had to make the sensible choice and there was no safety net, no back up, we both experienced very shit or even dangerous living conditions in our 20s because going home wasn't an option, we both know we will be helping our mums out financially for life. And now through sheer luck - and it is luck, she's said so herself - she owns a house with no mortgage. She suddenly has that safety net, and it has completely altered her life. She can now take on more risk in her career, because she could always mortgage her house if she needed to free up cash. She won't ever need to worry that her landlord is kicking her out, or have to work as I did a few years ago through a period of severe mental ill health because the other option was to become homeless, because I had no financial safety net. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous of that level of security, much as I'm also delighted for her.

It doesn’t perpetuate anything.

It allows wealth (whatever value) to be passed on to the next generation. It’s always happened and will continue happening.

You should never count on it, if you get something it’s a lottery win.

I get what you're saying op. Everyone's parents die so it's not about wishing the parent was still here rather than having an inheritance it's about feeling envious that some people will inherit a lot of money when the parent dies pass.

Many people who have substantial inheritances come from families who have money, meaning you’d feel less desire for the cash in that sense as you’d likely be otherwise supported. IME anyway. The arguement that they’d rather have their relative around is sadly rather pointless. We all die.

OP, there will always be people richer or luckier than you. And you can make yourself miserable, eaten up with envy of them, spoiling the life that you do have.
Why not think instead of the much greater number of people who have considerably less than you? People starving in the third world, without even a clean water supply or health care - people who envy your relative wealth and luxury!
Compare down, not up, if you want to be happy, and see how you can help those less fortunate.

Wholly inaccurate.

It depends on what kind of individual you are and where you are in your life.

This. I would do anything to get my mum back and not have my inheritance

Absolutely agree…or to have not lost my mum to Alzheimer’s in her 50s

Say it at loud as you want, but an inheritance didn't 'soften the blow' for us.

The people with no inheritance would like their mum’s back, too.

It depends on your parents circumstances.
My dm and df made a will stating db and myself would inherit 50/50, if I popped my clogs, then dds would inherit mine (thank god not dh, so dds get something). Dm knows anything inherited by me won’t be wasted and dds won’t lose out.
If your dp die and you’re young, you’ll unfortunately not have much of a chance to inherit sadly.

My MIL start from 0. she isn't from rich family. She is an orphan. She is single mum and My husband is her only child. She is working a lot and manage to buy a 2 flat for us in england and 1 flat in spain which she will inherit to my husband. My husband also hard working man. We have 2 properties and we make sure our 2 boys have home in the future. And i will pass this to my boy aswell. Hopefully they can provide for their loved ones later on.

It's human nature, people want to keep what's theirs and ensure their offspring are protected. Yes, it's shit that some people get handed large amounts of money they didn't earn

It's no shitter than people who had the opportunity to buy a house when prices were low and can now sell it for a massive profit and buy an extra buy to let property pricing first time buyers out. I don't see why people who've benefited financially from their own family's money when they die should feel especially guilty or apologetic about that, any more than anyone else who has received a profit from selling property or assets. It's just really tasteless and pointless to be angry that other people's families had money to pass on or imply that their loss wasn't as bad as your bereavement because of said money. It's got fuck all to do with anyone else.

I never inherited anything from my parents, they had a council house, and not a lot in the bank. I got £500 in premium bonds and by the time funeral costs were covered, just a few hundred left in the bank.

DH will get a reasonable one in the not too distant future, but we are planning on giving it all to dd so she can get on the property ladder.