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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm jealous of people who get inheritances

496 replies

Barnabee · 15/05/2022 20:42

Yeah I know you'll all pile on telling me I should expect nothing. But some people have lovely families who want to pass something forwards to help their children. I'll never have that.

OP posts:
dangermouseisace · 15/05/2022 20:59

It's hard as those of us without have more difficult time achieving what is seen as “normal” by many. However, I've got a plus side of having a family with nothing.
My ex’s family were an “inheritance” family. I know many aren't like this, but they can't have been unique. I found it so horrible that they were talking and arguing about who would get what and how unfair it was, before a person had even died! If someone cared for an elderly relative, or not, or had a characteristic that made them undesirable...this was all debated. They would go to the not-even-dying person requesting that their will was changed!
WTAF????!!!! I found it so offensive!

EvenStrangerThings03 · 15/05/2022 21:00

I do know what you mean OP. We won’t be inheriting anything, neither mine or DH parents have any money to leave. I see it as at least we know where we stand, some people have inheritance dangled over them, or drained away in care costs. We have planned our finances to expect no windfalls. We will be doing everything in our power to leave something for our DC.

BelperLawnmower · 15/05/2022 21:00

you wouldn't wish anyone ill.

She's not wishing anyone I'll!

ssd · 15/05/2022 21:01

I hate the posts saying I'd rather have my relative/friend than my inheritance. Do these people not realise people who got no inheritance would rather have their relative/friend too??

ItsAnOvaryAction · 15/05/2022 21:01

You are not being unreasonable but I think the people saying “I would rather have my relative alive instead” are being unreasonable and have missed the point I think. The deep grief of losing my parents is forever with me, but some of the sting of grief would be dampened if I didn’t also have to pay their funeral costs out of the last of my maternity pay. They would have loved to be able to leave me something so that something good could have come out of their passing, but they had a very hard life and so it wasn’t possible. Sadly their deaths and the lack of any inheritance were just another reminder of the unfairness of the hardships that they faced. There is a silver lining in that our relationship was never manipulated for the sake of inheritance, but I do feel for you OP. It’s hard when you realise that in the current financial/property climate, hard work and even a great income don’t advance you much further than where you came from without an inheritance.

Life isn’t fair. I hope that you’re ok. It gets easier when you accept it but it’s ok to have a rant every now and then to the right people who understand you and won’t feel personally attacked (as if you’ve just told them you’re jealous that their loved one has died as a pp did above, obviously that isn’t what you even implied!).

buttercuplizzy · 15/05/2022 21:03

I do find this position unsavoury. We get comments quite often about how 'lucky' we are that my husband inherited money- but this was because his Mum died when he was 23. How is that 'lucky'? He didn't have a Mum with him to see him get married, or to see him become a Dad. Our children effectively have no grandmother (i am no contact with my own Mum) Everyday situations are upsetting, like seeing a grandma pick up their grandchild from school. We will never have those experiences.

He would give anything to have one more day with his Mum. Yes, our life is financially easier than many- but in other ways its harder. We have little family support and the grief of his Mums loss will stay with our family.

A580Hojas · 15/05/2022 21:04

I'm not going to pile on - but literally millions if not billions of people will never have that. And the vast majority who get an inheritance - it's just a small/middling amount.

Honestly. Let it go. We can all be envious of other people for every single thing.

I'll maybe inherit £100,000 from my Mum (although no guarantees depending on care home requirements). I'd gladly swap that for not being fat most of my life.

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 15/05/2022 21:05

ssd · 15/05/2022 21:01

I hate the posts saying I'd rather have my relative/friend than my inheritance. Do these people not realise people who got no inheritance would rather have their relative/friend too??

Well obviously 🙄

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 15/05/2022 21:06

It’s just a little lazy, unimaginative and tasteless in my opinion

whynotwhatknot · 15/05/2022 21:06

I know what you mean op

my dmum passed away had nothing really thats fine id rather be here-my father has given everyhing to his new wife and me and my dsis will get nothing she doesnt like us much either

ssd · 15/05/2022 21:06

Plenty people lose their parents young and get nothing.

soupmaker · 15/05/2022 21:07

Well said @ssd.

I won't be inheriting anything. DF died and quite rightly left everything to DM. Our family home was tied to DFs job so they never owned property. DM rents her granny flat now. Me and DB want DM to spend and enjoy every penny she has.

I always feel ick when hearing people talk about what's coming to them before people have even died and buying their property on the basis they will be able to pay it off with an inheritance.

My best pal inherited lots, but the sadness of her family situation makes me feel so much luckier than her.

VestaTilley · 15/05/2022 21:08

YABU. A friend of mine inherited a lot - her Dad died when she was 12, then her Mum in her early 30s.

She’d much rather still have her parents.

Sunnierdays · 15/05/2022 21:09

My parents had money all it’s caused is family arguments, I have been bullied much of my adult life by older brothers because I am close to my mum. They are now trying her to persuade her to leave her house purely to them and because she’s said no they constantly abuse her and are now ghosting her !! I hate to think of the arguments after she’s gone . Hoping she leave it to her grand children equally.

vickibee · 15/05/2022 21:10

I just got a big life insurance payout after my DH died and it feels like blood money. I hate having it and would give every penny back for more time with him.

Comedycook · 15/05/2022 21:11

I got an inheritance. My mum died when I was a child and my dad died when I was in my early twenties. I have lost the security of having parents...if I lost everything tomorrow, I can't run back to mummy and daddy. My kids don't know their grandparents. I have none of the practical and emotional support that my friends still get from their parents despite the fact they're adults.

It's shit. To be fair, it would be even more shit if they had left me with no money.

Lougle · 15/05/2022 21:11

I get it. We won't inherit. My children will inherit if both DH & I die young, but not if just one of us dies. If just one dies, the other will get a payout which will be spent on living costs or buying the house we rent.

Canyouengineerfreespeech · 15/05/2022 21:14

Focus on supporting your family and friends in the here and now. The best thing that parents can do for their children is to provide them with a stable, loving environment while they are growing up. It is this that will give them the foundation they need to build a happy life - self esteem, resilience, confidence etc.

FiveShelties · 15/05/2022 21:14

Jealous of people who have lost relatives?

This has to be a wind up.

ReadyToMoveIt · 15/05/2022 21:15

I have no idea if I’ll get an inheritance or not… what with the cost of living and potential care home fees it will probably all be swallowed up.
Ive always told my parents that I’d rather they spend their money on enjoying their retirement than worrying about there being any left for me!

Michellexxx · 15/05/2022 21:17

I understand what you’re saying here. It’s not about the money, Per sé, it’s the fact that some parents work hard to leave something for their kids, that they wanted to create something, that they wanted to make a nice life and leave them something.

I will not get any inheritance- my parents did all they could to not have to work.. my sister and I had to help with paying for a car after getting pt jobs whilst still at school..my husband will get something, probably quite a bit. But he didn’t have a brilliant home life, but does, at least, still have lovely family memories from holidays etc- we never had that.

so I think it’s a bit unfair on the op, because it’s a bit more nuanced .

EthelsAuntie · 15/05/2022 21:17

I have inherited from my parents but I am jealous of folk who can still give their dad a hug or phone their mum and have her making things all better.

Halfarsedjingler · 15/05/2022 21:18

My mum is about to inherit a substantial amount. We talked many times about how this would be shared with her children, sadly she has dementia and none of us will see any of it as she lacks capacity to gift money. I don't begrudge her a penny and what her to have all the care she needs when that comes vut she would be so annoyed about this if she understood.

WonderingWanda · 15/05/2022 21:18

I won't be inheriting anything but I feel proud of all that I have achieved on my own merits.

We can always find things to be jealous of in life. In my experience when jealousy becomes all consuming it is usually because we are unhappy or unfullfilled and no amount of money can fix that. Of course the exception is when people are really at financial rock bottom and that is the reason for their unhappiness.

Applegreenb · 15/05/2022 21:18

I don’t think your being unreasonable. Why wouldn’t you be jealous of someone who has that part of life slightly easier, it’s only natural. Loosing a family member is hard for anyone but having inheritance that means your more financially stable / can get out of debt / set yourself up better and be less anxious about money…anyone can see that is a privilege.

MN will typically jump on you for topics like this.