To think my mothers entitlement is astonishing

[Worryinglyworried73]

My parents divorced and both remarried when I was a teen (I am now in my late 40’s). My dad is ill and about to pass away and I stand to inherit a chunk of money. I live in a rented flat & have never owned a home so will likely try to buy somewhere using my inheritance as a deposit.

Cue my mother who somehow thinks she has a stake in that money. She basically said that she hopes I will give her some money as my father didn’t give her enough when when they separated for me in terms of maintenance. it’s like she can see pound signs.

Aibu to think WTF? She had an inheritance from my grandparents & didn’t give me a penny of that - her & my stepfather bought a new car & had some nice holidays. They own their home outright.

I feel so outraged to be honest.

I hope you're going to tell her to get stuffed.

Ignore her, don’t explain or defend yourself and use the money for your deposit. You’ll be grieving enough for your father, you don’t need her crap.

Never talk about how much you inherit. Not a topic that’s for discussion. If she brings it up, ask her what she spent her inheritance from her parents on (even if you know pretend you forgot) just to not do subtly remind her she didn’t she are it.

You are not being unreasonable and I am sorry about your Dad.
Your Dad's wishes are your Dad's wishes, and without knowing the details, I'm almost certain he would in no way want any of his inheritance money/assets going to your Mum, when they were intended for you.
If she brings it up again or tries to have a conversation about it, I would just ignore or just laugh it of and say, 'As if!" If she pushes then you can say that your Dad absolutely, under no circumstances, did not want her to get a penny of it.
The cheek of her even suggesting it, out loud, is outrageous to be fair.

My late mother was cut from the same cloth I think. When my FIL passed and left his house to his 5 children, they each inherited around £25k.

My own mother had the nerve to let it be known that she expected a "decent" Christmas present from myself and my husband, after she'd helped us out with buying second hand nursery furniture, over 3 decades ago. She decided she wanted new white goods. My husband was very understanding and I'm afraid to say I gave in and we bought her what she wanted. Not that she was happy, she constantly complained about it right up until she died.

How awful OP. I'm Sure you don't need this stress with everything that's going on with your dad.
Take care of yourself 💐
Don't give her a penny, unless you want to.

Sorry to hear of your impending loss ,it’s sad ,most girls are close to their dads .as for your mum !!!! CF a doesn’t come close -she needs to get herself a life.
Please set yourself up with the money it’s yours to do with as you wish I’m sure it’s what your dad would want, his daughters financial security .
Please don’t be guilted into giving anything to your mum and I speak as a mum of grown kids.

Im sorry about your DF. It is awful that your DM is robbing headspace and time with him to talk about this.

My DM felt robbed even though she wanted the divorce. For years afterwards she would quiz me on what my DF had taken. She was mad about money but never wanted to work for any. She too tried to make my DF's last moments and his funeral about her.

I would tell her straight.

No wonder your Dad divorced her. Greed, and trying to guilt you into believing you're somehow responsible for the long ago behaviour of two adults - her and your Dad.

(I think EmotionBot9to5's reply was a very strange one! "dismissing her desire to see the sacrifices of parenting equalised retrospectively" - my giddy aunt, what planet did that come from!)

Tell her politely that she's not getting a penny because your Dad doesn't want her to: if he had done, he'd have said so in his Will. And it's his to leave where he chooses. Also tell her calmly that for her to be asking to grab your inheritance while your Dad's still alive is in extremely bad taste.

I'm sorry you have such a pants mother, and sorrier still that you're losing your Dad. Sending a big hug.

I divorced DS1’s dad 30 years ago. I can’t imagine staking a claim in his (rather large) fortune now, despite his pitiful maintenance contributions at the time 😂. As far as I’m concerned, anything DS inherits belongs to him!

just tell her you will leave it to her in your will 🫢

Buy her a box of chocolates and tell her it is more than she gave you...

Money brings out the very worst in some people.
Enjoy your new home.

I am so sorry for your pain of soon losing your Dad. My heart goes out to you. Do you have siblings or friends IRL you can talk to, and get a hand hold?

Spend whatever precious time you have left. Refuse to talk about that with your Mum for now.

Remind her that you are deeply upset about and your Dad and that you will be soon be mourning and that you need her support, now AND then, not her trying to get her hands on money.

Most parents shouldn’t have to have that pointed out to them, so it shows her selfishness. I hope she is good to you in other ways in your life, because you deserve more.

Stay strong. Sending love

Parents can be incredibly unreasonable and hurtful. I am sorry you are having to deal with this whilst your DF is so ill. Try to focus on the positive, don't let her make it all about her; your dad clearly loves you very much and want you to have your own home where you will be happy. His will, his wishes, for your happiness. Big hug

I think you are not being unreasonable at all. I would strongly recommend communicating the reasons why what your mother is asking is totally unacceptable. I am a therapist and unfortunately I see so many clients suffering for feelings they did not share, needs they did not get met and anger they did not express...especially towards their own parents! It does not have to be confrontational, it can be a moment of calm assertion and boundary setting.
I wonder if there may be other issues in the relationship which follow the same pattern and if that is the case, this is an opportunity to change the pattern.

Yup. Or ask some pointed questions. Like
"That's interesting mother. You think I should give you the money dad left me, is that right? So I should continue renting, & not buy my own house? Because you own a house outright, have a pension, but need this money more than I do?"

My Dad died & left more than my mum would automatically inherit, (no will) the rest should have come to my sis & I, but we told the solicitor, no, Dad wanted it to go to Mum, & signed it over. YEARS of foreign holidays with the new man in her life.. she felt utterly entitled, which legally she then was, but my sis & I remembered how hard Dad had worked..
All his much loved antiques went to auction. I got a three piece suite that she didn't want any more, and whatever I could find that reminded me of my Dad.. hankies with 'S' embroidered on & the like!
My paternal Grandad then died & had left a will, leaving everything to my sister & I. Mum went through his goods, looking for things she could keep.. :-0

Dad was open handed, very generous if sis or I needed anything.
I nearly lost my house at one point when I'd got behind with the mortgage (not my fault) mum offered me about £300. I told her to forget it because it would be a drop in the ocean of what I owed. She's in a nursing home now, (needless to say, the best & most expensive we could find - we're not all the same!) my sis handles mum's money now & we were shocked to find she'd still got THOUSANDS & THOUSANDS.. it's obviously paying for her care now so she's still enjoying it! ;-)

Fucking hell, does she want you to repay her for the nappies and food you had as a baby aswell? Tell her to jog on.

Just tell her you'll give her the same % of cash, she gave you when her divorce settlement came through

On the logic that she's somehow entitled, just say you'll match what she passed over to him when she received her inheritance. Fairs fair.

No! I'd never be able to sleep at night and would be constantly looking around for assassins!