To think my mothers entitlement is astonishing

[Worryinglyworried73]

My parents divorced and both remarried when I was a teen (I am now in my late 40’s). My dad is ill and about to pass away and I stand to inherit a chunk of money. I live in a rented flat & have never owned a home so will likely try to buy somewhere using my inheritance as a deposit.

Cue my mother who somehow thinks she has a stake in that money. She basically said that she hopes I will give her some money as my father didn’t give her enough when when they separated for me in terms of maintenance. it’s like she can see pound signs.

Aibu to think WTF? She had an inheritance from my grandparents & didn’t give me a penny of that - her & my stepfather bought a new car & had some nice holidays. They own their home outright.

I feel so outraged to be honest.

This sounds remarkably what my ex MIL would have done, had I still been with her son when I received an inheritance. Incidentally when I did receive it, my ex DP who was struggling with debt/bills had the audacity to ask if I could help him out

Your DM is being entitled, and you are in no way being unreasonable. I would grey rock any request that comes in for money, or indeed any financial conversation. She isn't entitled to any money from your father's estate, it sounds as if she was paid handsomely when they split and the fact that she has herself inherited money recently and not seen it appropriate to help you or your siblings out speaks volumes. Ignore!

Your father is going to pass away and instead of supporting you….

your mother asks you to pay her back for the money she spent raising you?

I've been estranged from my father for over 30 years...since my mother emotionally blackmailed me into dropping contact with him when he left her for another woman when I was 21.

My father has since remarried, and my mother stalks his wife's social media...in the last few years she's been 'encouraging' me to get back in contact with him. She's openly admitted it's purely because she thinks he should leave money to me and my brothers instead of his wife when he dies. She also never fails to mention that he still 'owes' her money from when they divorced...

No way on Earth will I even be telling her if I'm left anything by my father. It's none of her business.

Your dad has left the money to you. They were separated she isn't entitled to anything. So Sorry about your dad x

The fact that you have yet to purchase your first home and she is living mortgage free, quite comfortably and has already blown one inheritance and is expecting you to hand over (who knows how much) to her is incredible.

They are apart for over 30 years - how does this even enter her head. She may have had it tough for 2 years over 30 years ago and if she hasn't managed to get over that - then that is her issue and TBH no money is going to sort that. Don't even discuss this with her .

Probate can take a long time to go through - she certainly doesn't need to be kept up to date on what is happening on a week to week or even month to month basis.

This happened to a friend of mine and ended up with her being totally NC with her mother for years now.

Her mum had an affair and left her dad, did fine out of the divorce, but when her father died some 30 years later, she genuinely thought her DC would give her "her share!"

Totally unreasonable OP.

Don’t give your mother the money. Selfish woman.

I would literally just say “mum you chose how you spent your inheritance, please allow me to do the same with mine”

Don’t rely on this as your legal advice but I saw a TikTok in which a lawyer (or so she claims) covers just this… so please seek actual legal advice to confirm

basically if they divorced but DIDNT get a finance order to separate their finances, then she might still be linked to him and therefore could make a claim on your inheritance- even if the law doesn’t side with her it’ll still be a shitty experience for you on top of a huge loss

I’d see if you can get a probate lawyers thoughts on this so that your dad might be able to adjust things if he needs to
while he’s still around - or at the very least, so you can brace yourself
Legal stuff aside , I hope you reminded your mum how she gifted you (absolutely nothing) when she inherited and tell her to F off

Don’t give her a penny. You didn’t ask to be born and you didn’t ask your parents to divorce.

If you find the subject tricky, you could say that after all the fees and tax you don’t have anything to give.

So she's had one inheritance and now she wants another?

She didn't help you so why should you help her.

She's in a much better place than you now.
Take your inheritance and put yourself in her financial position.
Then tell her that you're now equal.

This in spades. This boomer handed 25% of her inheritance to her son for a house deposit. Please stop tarring us all with the same brush. The ageism on MN is appalling.

She has a very comfortable life already. You owe her nothing. She’s probably bitching about you on Gransnet right now.

It's nothing of the sort.
Any parent who expects their own child to repay them for cash they didn't receive from the other parent post-divorce is ... wrongheaded.
Sure - maybe the mother still feels bitter. But bitter enought to try to extract cash from her daughter? Who is still renting, while the mother owns her house outright? & bitching about it before her child's father has even died?

FFS indeed.

OP - I am sorry about your dad

its really not ok especially given this must be a stressful and emotional time for you anywau

I have a mother that would do exactly this. She took my dad for everything he had when I was 11 (he didn't have much) cohearsed me into moving in her with her rather then staying with my dad. I'm a daddy's girl always have been and even at 36 always will.

My nan and grandad had a lot of money for me when I turned 21 she took it all.

Stay strong and say no is the only advice I can give. She decided to end her marriage. She got what was given at that time. She is not entitled to anything.

I may sound harsh but I'm expecting to be in the same position as you one day.

Nope.
If she asks again, just say he can heed his mind and left it to the donkey sanctuary. Sorry you are facing this at a painful time

The key part you have missed though is YOU yourself haven't inherited from your own parents... and not shared that with your own DD.

Key word share! So OPS mum has utter cheek and greed she owns a house outright! It works both ways!

He’s still alive and there’s almost 200 posts talking about his money. If I was OPs dad, I’d be sickened by this.

I am blown away at your mothers nerve!!! It’s all yours, if your father had wanted her to have anything he would have made provision. He didn’t because she is the EX!!! Enjoy your new home when it happens.

Sorry to hear about your Dad. This sounds like something my DM would do though. 😳

She is bang out of order. If your dad wanted to leave her anything he would have & he hasn’t. The money is yours not hers.
If your mum decides to get funny with you it is her choice & you do not have to pander to her.
Hugs & stand your ground 😘

Sorry to hear your DF is coming to the end of his life.
However I think any discussion of what MIGHT be inherited from a will is distasteful on your DMs part. Just be mindful you could both be in for a shock if he's remarried and updated his will to include his wife (unless of course you've already seen a copy of his current will). If he dies intestate then that's another can of worms

Very sorry about your father OP.

Your mother is off the charts. Dig in. Ignore. Grey Rock. The choice of who gets what is down to your DD and his will.

Your mother is not entitled to anything.

Maybe see how much you get and use what you need as a deposit and if any left over