Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my mothers entitlement is astonishing

197 replies

Worryinglyworried73 · 15/05/2022 20:32

My parents divorced and both remarried when I was a teen (I am now in my late 40’s). My dad is ill and about to pass away and I stand to inherit a chunk of money. I live in a rented flat & have never owned a home so will likely try to buy somewhere using my inheritance as a deposit.

Cue my mother who somehow thinks she has a stake in that money. She basically said that she hopes I will give her some money as my father didn’t give her enough when when they separated for me in terms of maintenance. it’s like she can see pound signs.

Aibu to think WTF? She had an inheritance from my grandparents & didn’t give me a penny of that - her & my stepfather bought a new car & had some nice holidays. They own their home outright.

I feel so outraged to be honest.

OP posts:
Whisp3r · 15/05/2022 21:01

She had half the marital home as a payout when they separated and both remarried.@EmotionBot9to5 I actually think she’s being wildly entitled. She left my dad & they divorced & she got half the house & bought another one. She remarried 2 years later.

It is strange that she should ask for any of his money then. Maybe you could ask her if she would give you half of her money and half of her house. She may realise how odd a request it is then.

HeartsOnScreens · 15/05/2022 21:04

MollyRover · 15/05/2022 20:55

YABU imo. I find a lot of women your mother's age are entitled so it's not astonishing, god bless the babyboomers Hmm. Don't give her a brass farthing nonetheless.

😁

I agree although my won mum is luckily not at all like that although she was born in 45 so not officially a boomer.

OP, do not give your mother a penny. She is finally secure and what kind of mother would want take money form their child who's trying to buy a house? It's so selfish. Tell her 'not in a million trillion years mother'.

GreekGod · 15/05/2022 21:04

So sorry to hear about your dad. Yes, I do think her entitlement is astonishing. Just ignore her and do what you want to do. Good luck OP

JustLyra · 15/05/2022 21:04

dismissing her desire to see the sacrifices of parenting equalised retrospectively with a dismissive ''fucks sake'' is really lacking in empathy.

Well, if the OP was lacking empathy then it would be clear that the woman hassling her daughter about an inheritance from her currently dying father would be where said daughter got her empathy skills from…

Organictangerine · 15/05/2022 21:07

Haha she can fuck right off!

Hutchy16 · 15/05/2022 21:08

I’m baffled - what parent asks their child for some of their inheritance when they’ve already remarried (and very quickly afterward) and bought a home.

It doesn’t sound at all like she has been badly done to in life, she got half of everything from the divorce (fair) and then went on to have another, more successful marriage which also afforded her the ability to buy a new home.

I am already saving for my son’s house deposit (even though I don’t have much spare at all) and there is no way I would ask him for money…I would rather go without.

Organictangerine · 15/05/2022 21:11

EmotionBot9to5 · 15/05/2022 20:48

''Fucks sake''

Seriously?

It sounds like the financial sacrifices of raising her / your father's child (ren) were not equal and no doubt the free time was not equal either. So she had most of the child care I'm guessing? And the lion's share of the financial sacrifices? During ''the best years'' of her life. It can be very difficult to get back in to the work place as a ''mum returner'' (somebody did call me that, a recruitment agent).

Even if you give her nothing which is your absolute prerogative, dismissing her desire to see the sacrifices of parenting equalised retrospectively with a dismissive ''fucks sake'' is really lacking in empathy.

Show quote history

I don’t think it matters. OP’s mum has no mortgage and has feathered her own nest very nicely while watching her daughter struggle in today’s atrocious financial climate. Even if OP’s dad left her mum penniless she shouldn’t be asking for the money - OP is the one who needs it, not her.

BreakorMake · 15/05/2022 21:11

I'd be inclined to give her a voucher for say £100 for a nice restaurant. If she ever said anything after that I would say well it's more than you gave me when Gran and Grandad died and left you everything!

I am saddened that she is not delighted (sorry about your Dad having to die for this) that you will be set up now. If she was in dire straits I am sure you would have a more conciliatory approach. But she is not and is full on grabby.

IvorCutler · 15/05/2022 21:11

My mil did this. For the same reasons. It meant we were not able to spend it on a deposit for a house. Nearly 15 years on now and we’re still saving.

whynotwhatknot · 15/05/2022 21:11

Some parnts are like that im afriad all comes down to money

my father would have done this its all about the money-"how much have i spent on you in your life

did i ask him to-no

TankFlyBossW4lk · 15/05/2022 21:14

Please totally ignore her. Do not be guilted into giving her anything.

Summerholidayorcovidagain · 15/05/2022 21:14

My df never gave my dm a penny for me. When I was early 20's my df won Big Money. Afaik dm never asked /got any.
Neither did I .

ToffeepopsandRaindrops · 15/05/2022 21:14

I suspect this will be my DM too. When my father dies he will leave me and siblings a house to sell and split as well as probably a few quid in the bank. My DM will leave us nothing. My father has a relatively decent income and my mothers is very poor. This is genuinely down to idleness and poor work ethic. My dm had ever chance to succeed in the work place as my DF as she had probably the best support network regarding childcare etc that I’ve ever known. She now regularly pleads poverty when in reality it’s her own doing she has little money. So if DF goes before her I suspect she’ll be expecting a few £££. Very cheeky-fuckery imo!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 15/05/2022 21:15

Astonishing. Most parents of adult children that I know, have passed on to dcs some or most of their legacies from their own parents, not tried to grab any of theirs!

It’s especially grabby since the Dm and stepdad own their home outright, while the OP is renting!

Scianel · 15/05/2022 21:16

@IvorCutler what made you guys decide to give her money?

Aquamarine1029 · 15/05/2022 21:17

I certainly hope you're strong enough to ignore her. She's absurd.

Ribb · 15/05/2022 21:18

I clicked on your post as I was intrigued because I could write this every day about my own DM. Agree with all the pp and feel comforted that it isn't just me who goes through this crap.

Hope it works out without you being guilt tripped too much. 🙏🏽

IvorCutler · 15/05/2022 21:20

@Scianel it was my husband’s decision. He was guilted into it… or emotionally blackmailed. She has mental health issues.

Yellowhase · 15/05/2022 21:21

I think I would say I’m not sure dad would be to impressed with that idea and leave it there. I’m sorry you are going through this x

Bunnycat101 · 15/05/2022 21:22

I would personally never want to take money from a child unless there were very unusual circs or real financial difficulty.

i can have some sympathy with some of the posters saying they were shafted financially on divorce, no maintenance etc while the other side accumulated wealth but it doesn’t sound like that was particularly the case here. The key for me is that the mother is talking about this inheritance when the father has not yet died. That suggests to me she is in the CF mode rather than the wronged spouse one.

Scianel · 15/05/2022 21:22

@IvorCutler I'm sorry that you guys were put in that situation and are still battling to buy a house. I hope its achievable for you soon. Its very unfair.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 15/05/2022 21:22

Speaking as someone who has lost both parents my only concern in your situation would be spending time with my dad
Anything else can wait

Horst · 15/05/2022 21:22

If it’s her and the one poster also longing for her ex’s money once his dead.

you where a teen when they split so hardly needing 9-5 childcare. She got half the house and whatever else. She didn’t share her inheritance either. She’s just grabby for whatever she can get. It’s not like she doesn’t have a pot to piss in and is destitute.

Any parent trying to do their own child out of money isn’t a nice person. The mum owns a house the op rents she’s retired op works. She made her bed.

Darbs76 · 15/05/2022 21:23

She’s cheeky to ask but she might be right in that she took on the financial burden of the majority of it whilst he has minimal responsibility and made the money. I think you are being unreasonably being so dismissive of her feelings. If you ever marry and divorce and bear the majority of the financial burden you might see her point. By then it will be too late anyway.

howtomoveforwards · 15/05/2022 21:24

did your dad pay maintenance and how do you know?

I ask because my ex hasn't paid a penny in nearly 15 years now but I am pretty sure my kids don't know about that. I've never spoken about it because it's something I consider is between us as adults but honestly, I wish there was a way that money could be recovered from him if he died. It's really not fair that I have had to do everything alone from a financial perspective.