To think my mothers entitlement is astonishing

[Worryinglyworried73]

My parents divorced and both remarried when I was a teen (I am now in my late 40’s). My dad is ill and about to pass away and I stand to inherit a chunk of money. I live in a rented flat & have never owned a home so will likely try to buy somewhere using my inheritance as a deposit.

Cue my mother who somehow thinks she has a stake in that money. She basically said that she hopes I will give her some money as my father didn’t give her enough when when they separated for me in terms of maintenance. it’s like she can see pound signs.

Aibu to think WTF? She had an inheritance from my grandparents & didn’t give me a penny of that - her & my stepfather bought a new car & had some nice holidays. They own their home outright.

I feel so outraged to be honest.

Don't give her a penny. Get yourself a house and when you've moved in, drink a toast to your dad.

Well mum you should have stayed married to him and looked after him when he was I’ll. I will be using the money to buy a home as dad would have wanted me to.

🙄

@Darbs76 OP needs a deposit for a house and her mother owns hers outright, and has benefited from her own inheritance that wasn't shared with OP.

Had a similar scenario. My parents had been divorced for 30 years. We paid off her debts, paid for a cruise for 3 weeks for her and my stepdad and she still felt hard done by.

Who's going to get all her money when she dies ? Did your stepfather have children too?

Sorry your dad is so poorly OP. I think this is more common than people realise. My parents divorced 40 + years ago. My mother wanted us (me and siblings) to 'top up' her income as she no longer received maintenance from my father. She has already told us that she expects money from us all when my father dies...he is very much still alive! One of my sister's paid off my mother's mortgage several years ago. I think it is desperately sad and I think it signifies how stuck people can become when they are unable to move past the end of their marriage. Please keep the money OP. It is for you and your children. Take care.

You are right very entitled. Get on that property ladder and pay her no heed.

Surely if she has enough already then she’d want you to have it! Who doesn’t want to know their kids are okay??

Is this a thing... aunty is a boomer and her cheeky fuckery is next level!

Sorry OP your mum can feck off with herself!

Please don’t give her a penny!

They haven’t been married for thirty years, and have both since remarried, and she feels she is entitled to the money!

if she needed more when you were growing up, she should have negotiated that beforehand. To bring it up in conversation when your poor dad is nearing the end of his life, is in such poor taste.

Don’t give her anything. Is she jealous that new wife will be inheriting?

She sounds insufferable

Massively entitled - most parents in her position would be pleased to see their children getting an inheritance. Thank goodness you can see how ridiculous she is.

No that’s awful. If he’d left her bringing you all up with little financial help and made a success of himself being basically a ‘single man’ whilst she did the daily grind for years whilst struggling then I could understand. But this just comes across as very entitled. Some people will never have enough money!

l am so sorry to hear your poor Dad is dying OP. l don't know how your Mother has the afrontery to say something to you like that especially when you are losing your Dad, it's sheer greed and absolutely heartless of your Mum.

I know my dad took the piss out of my mum when it came to their divorce, he was well off and only begrudgingly had us 1 night a fortnight. He didn't give her anywhere near enough CM payments as we were growing up. She had to work her ass off, we barely got to see her. When he died, I told her I thought she was owed some of the money from his estate that was entirely left to me and my brother. She rejected the idea completely and said she wanted us to have every last penny of it. She even worked tooth and nail to get his property up to scratch so it would sell for as much as possible, and didn't ask for any kind of payment for her hard work.

So I help her out when she needs it, instead. If something breaks down and it's more than she can afford, I will cover it.

I think if your dad disadvantaged her financially, even if it was just for a few years before she got remarried, maybe treating her to a decent holiday would be a kind thing to do?

It depends on your relationship with her, though. I think it's a bit brazen that she outright asked for money (before your father has even passed), but I don't think it's that unreasonable to be honest.

Thank you! Hopefully one day. I really hope op doesn’t do the same.

So sorry about your dad.
I’d tell my mum to piss off and not contact her again if she did this to me.

My daughter will likely be in your position eventually, she's her father's only child so will likely inherit a decent amount. There's no fucking way I'd want so much as a penny of it!

Give her a pound and tell her it's all she is worth.

@DonnyBurrito you sound v emotionally mature, your mum's experience was more like my own than the OP 's mother. I never met anybody new. my house is small, I work ft. I've found the money for everything I thought my DC really had to have and I never begrudged it obviously, their Dad really capitalised on the fact that they were in good hands with me ykwim.

I know that my DC know that the sacrifices of parenting weren't equal. I have never had to say that to them, but they know. If their dad died and left them something, I can see them trying to ''make it right'' but I'd want them to put it in to bricks and mortar. I do have my own small house but houses have become so much harder to buy since I got this place. I wouldn't ask my DC for money and I wouldn't take it from them if they offered but what would mean a lot to the OP's mother I suspect is just some acknowledgement that her father left her mother to the bulk of the childrearing. Even if the stepfather paid for a lot of the overall house bills, the father's financial responsibilities were alleviated. Nice for him. And put your mum in the role of being grateful to her new husband perhaps??

Sounds like OP's mother isn't poor, so I'd put 2 bob on it! (not a boomer! ) but I bet that if the OP just really acknowledged it warmly, respectfully, willingly and sincerely that she is fully aware that her father sacrificed less for parenthood than her mother did, that would soothe the ''wound''.

Jesus christ. The venom.

That's shockingly greedy of your mother.

It's your inheritance. I would avoid discussing any details of it with her. Don't ever tell her how much you received, just use it for the deposit as planned and don't tell her you've bought your property until it's all done.

This. If I were you I would simply tell her it’s not up for discussion. Don’t argue with her, she will find an answer to everything you say.