Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To frown on an untidy house

311 replies

allinadaystwerk · 15/05/2022 16:30

My house is not a haven of organised domestic bliss by any means, I have messy corners and cupboards and all that stuff. And some days are much better than others. But I visited someone I've known a while for the 1st time
and was shocked at the state of the house. It was not dirty or smelly. Washing up was done and toilet was clean. But there was clothes everywhere! And clutter and paperwork, letters leaflets and general stuff just not put away, shoes were left in the living room and piles upon piles of laundry. Everywhere I looked there was stuff and an untidy mess. Clearlyvot had been this way for some time. I felt quite sad but also kind of disgruntled. I wanted them to do better but had to have a word with myself and find my way to not being a judgy cow. Thing is, if im honest, a bit of me still feels a bit disgruntled and frustrated.. I'll most likely be asked to the home again as we get on very well and of course a messy home is no reason to ruin a friendship. Question is am I being unreasonable to feel like this? .

OP posts:
KarmaStar · 15/05/2022 19:43

I don't understand,were you looking for something,an excuse to end this so called friendship?
It's not any of your business,her home is her sanctuary,don't judge her on that.

Chikapu · 15/05/2022 19:44

You both said 'dealio' at the same time? I'm skeptical!

allinadaystwerk · 15/05/2022 19:44

😆😆😆😆

OP posts:
whynotwhatknot · 15/05/2022 19:47

yeah course that convo happened

Johnnysgirl · 15/05/2022 19:47

Chikapu · 15/05/2022 19:44

You both said 'dealio' at the same time? I'm skeptical!

Indeed 😂

hiredandsqueak · 15/05/2022 19:48

My house is obsessively neat and tidy but I never notice how tidy or not other people's houses are. I think YABU because if this person is a friend then tidiness shouldn't matter.

Chattycathydoll · 15/05/2022 19:50

This is why I don’t invite people over. And being called out like that, having to explain your own home… how bloody humiliating. No one owes you their life story re why they might struggle with some things.

allinadaystwerk · 15/05/2022 19:50

@Chikapu it's your right to feel that way. We say dealio for many things, who's buying the next round, lunch etc, we also say coolio when something is good. We are so very cool you see, 😎

disclaimer: they are now seeing all posts, their response is hilarious.

OP posts:
Goldijobsandthe3bears · 15/05/2022 19:50

Bizarre, you seem to have an unpleasant relationship with each other and the word ‘deal iI’ is very unreasonable and hurts my eyes more than clashing furnishings.

CaliforniaDrumming · 15/05/2022 19:52

Are you Eminem and LL Cool J?

RampantIvy · 15/05/2022 19:52

I grew up in an untidy house that was not regularly cleaned with a mother that had borderline hoarder tendencies. Not a pleasant experience growing up at home and I was embarrassed to invite my friends home.

That was my life growing up as well @blueshoes.

That ol' cliche. Too busy being an awesome parent, or too busy having a fun life, to clean. Sigh, the two are not mutually exclusive. And lack of cleaning and scrubbing can affect children negatively.

I agree @blueshoes. I managed to keep my house pretty clean and tidy and fine time to play with DD, take her out to places, work etc. However, I am a naturally tidy person so it was easy for me.

allinadaystwerk · 15/05/2022 19:53

@Goldijobsandthe3bears
I have not forgiven them for their clashing furniture. I still stand in judgement and care not.

OP posts:
Goldijobsandthe3bears · 15/05/2022 19:54

CaliforniaDrumming · 15/05/2022 19:52

Are you Eminem and LL Cool J?

Beavis and Butthead

Johnnysgirl · 15/05/2022 19:54

allinadaystwerk · 15/05/2022 19:50

@Chikapu it's your right to feel that way. We say dealio for many things, who's buying the next round, lunch etc, we also say coolio when something is good. We are so very cool you see, 😎

disclaimer: they are now seeing all posts, their response is hilarious.

Very strange post Hmm
Are you suggesting that your friend is watching the thread and finding it just as entertaining as you are?
You're a very odd pair.

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 15/05/2022 19:54

allinadaystwerk · 15/05/2022 19:53

@Goldijobsandthe3bears
I have not forgiven them for their clashing furniture. I still stand in judgement and care not.

Why the thread then?

PersonaNonGarter · 15/05/2022 19:54

You don’t have a full time job do you?

NamechangeFML · 15/05/2022 19:55

Were you at my house OP ?

FlissyPaps · 15/05/2022 19:57

To be fair OP, to avoid all the “outrageous” (as you put it) comments for the past 10 pages, WHY didn’t you put in your original post that you were concerned for your friend?

You asked if you were being unreasonable to feel disgruntled and frustrated. Majority of us thought “Yes. You are being being unreasonable”. & because you didn’t like that you went on the defensive.

Now you’re trying to justify if by turning round and saying you’re talking to your friend “more seriously” and “how things have got to where they are”.

Im sorry but I’m not buying it. You’re unkind and judgmental. Own it. Don’t make excuses. Your friend is probably humiliated.

TicTac80 · 15/05/2022 19:57

What are you going to talk to her about? How will you broach this? I'd tread very carefully.

One of my good friends fell into hard times some years ago. She'd come to my place (at the time, it was just me and baby DS - so easy for me to keep everything tidy and clean) and would often say how she felt muchbetter coming to my place, as it was peaceful/neat/tidy. When I went to hers (hadn't been there in a long while as we'd meet at mine or out and about), it WAS messy (and really dirty), there were piles of dirty laundry and rubbish everywhere, unwashed dishes everywhere etc, washer machine not working, stuff not clean etc....but it was because she wasn't in a great place herself, and she just didn't know where to start with it all. She told me about all this, so I just offered to help her get things back on track. She was happy to accept the help. I certainly didn't judge her, I just felt awful that she'd not said anything before.

It took 5 days, but I scrubbed her place down (including oven/cooker/fridge and freezer), helped her to declutter/tidy the place, washed up everything, worked out how to fix her washer machine (and fixed it), and then between us both, got all her (and her 2 DC's) laundry washed, dried and sorted. I did a food shop for her, restocked her kitchen and batch cooked some bits. She was stuck in a rut, was just out of a difficult relationship and it was a nasty catch-22 situation for her. She couldn't see where to start, couldn't face doing much as everything had overwhelmed her...so nothing done, and place carried on being a mess. Same thing could have easily happened to me.

If she hadn't said anything, and was in a good place/fine with how her house was, there's no way I would have said anything about helping her clean the place up. After all, it's her house and it's not for me to say how she ought to keep her house. It was only because of her being upset at her situation and actually telling me about, that made me offer to help her.

feistymumma · 15/05/2022 20:00

This is as bonkers as the paramedic neighbour thread the other day

hellrabbitishere · 15/05/2022 20:03

dont ever come here op , i expect you would find my various papers and post propped up around the kitchen , the shoes overflowing from the shoe rack and the rabbits toys and fleeces strewn around the living room more than a bit off putting

whynotwhatknot · 15/05/2022 20:04

feistymumma · 15/05/2022 20:00

This is as bonkers as the paramedic neighbour thread the other day

oh i missed that one

Normando91 · 15/05/2022 20:06

allinadaystwerk · 15/05/2022 19:24

Not sure what a drip feed is but i think its something to do with giving more info later in the thread? If so, I maybe a bit guilty of that, I suppose I thought I'd explained myself well and clicked send. Easy mistake? I think so, but I'll check and double check next time. Essentially, I posted so that I could figure out my reaction because I was perturbed by it, i was trying to figure out why was I feeling so uncomfortable?? Mumsnet usually has sensible answers so, I asked as a point of learning and discussion.

Hate from some of the posters on this thread will not bring me down. I know i am a good person who has been through the ringer in life.

Anyway I have just finished speaking to my friend. The conversation went like this:
Me: did you notice I was quiet at yours the other day

Them: yep and I know why too

Me: you do?

Them: of course! its because I have red curtains and a green sofa isn't it!!!!

Me: awkward silence

Them: (laughing hard) But seriously I know I have a problem just dont know what to do or where to start.

Me: i hate that I felt wierd, I was like wtf stop thinking like that you judgemental cow

Them: awww I feel like that when I'm in your car and you drive like an arsehole when there's just no need. I say to myself, she can't help it, she's not well then I feel all patronising and bitchy... and scared

Me: more awkward silence, then loud laughter, then... well you drive then! (They can't drive 😆)

Them: and you come and help me sort my shit tip.

Both: dealio!

We start next week,

We went on to talk more seriously about how things have got to where they for them are and why I felt that way (turns out its some historical bullshit + I'm a tincy bit judgy.. who knew!)

So, I feel much better. I've learned that honesty and Introspection helps us grow as humans. My friend is better than me. And, some people on here, like me, are truly fucked up and unreasonable
✌️ and ❤️

Today on “things that never happened” 🙄

Douzy · 15/05/2022 20:07

disclaimer: they are now seeing all posts, their response is hilarious

Righty-ho.

Basilbrushgotfat · 15/05/2022 20:07

allinadaystwerk · 15/05/2022 19:24

Not sure what a drip feed is but i think its something to do with giving more info later in the thread? If so, I maybe a bit guilty of that, I suppose I thought I'd explained myself well and clicked send. Easy mistake? I think so, but I'll check and double check next time. Essentially, I posted so that I could figure out my reaction because I was perturbed by it, i was trying to figure out why was I feeling so uncomfortable?? Mumsnet usually has sensible answers so, I asked as a point of learning and discussion.

Hate from some of the posters on this thread will not bring me down. I know i am a good person who has been through the ringer in life.

Anyway I have just finished speaking to my friend. The conversation went like this:
Me: did you notice I was quiet at yours the other day

Them: yep and I know why too

Me: you do?

Them: of course! its because I have red curtains and a green sofa isn't it!!!!

Me: awkward silence

Them: (laughing hard) But seriously I know I have a problem just dont know what to do or where to start.

Me: i hate that I felt wierd, I was like wtf stop thinking like that you judgemental cow

Them: awww I feel like that when I'm in your car and you drive like an arsehole when there's just no need. I say to myself, she can't help it, she's not well then I feel all patronising and bitchy... and scared

Me: more awkward silence, then loud laughter, then... well you drive then! (They can't drive 😆)

Them: and you come and help me sort my shit tip.

Both: dealio!

We start next week,

We went on to talk more seriously about how things have got to where they for them are and why I felt that way (turns out its some historical bullshit + I'm a tincy bit judgy.. who knew!)

So, I feel much better. I've learned that honesty and Introspection helps us grow as humans. My friend is better than me. And, some people on here, like me, are truly fucked up and unreasonable
✌️ and ❤️

This is a great friendship :)