To frown on an untidy house

[allinadaystwerk]

My house is not a haven of organised domestic bliss by any means, I have messy corners and cupboards and all that stuff. And some days are much better than others. But I visited someone I've known a while for the 1st time
and was shocked at the state of the house. It was not dirty or smelly. Washing up was done and toilet was clean. But there was clothes everywhere! And clutter and paperwork, letters leaflets and general stuff just not put away, shoes were left in the living room and piles upon piles of laundry. Everywhere I looked there was stuff and an untidy mess. Clearlyvot had been this way for some time. I felt quite sad but also kind of disgruntled. I wanted them to do better but had to have a word with myself and find my way to not being a judgy cow. Thing is, if im honest, a bit of me still feels a bit disgruntled and frustrated.. I'll most likely be asked to the home again as we get on very well and of course a messy home is no reason to ruin a friendship. Question is am I being unreasonable to feel like this? .

YABVVVVVU, judgemental and deliberately goady. If you had been invited to my home, and you thought it appropriate to speak to me about it, not only would I not invite you back, but I very much doubt I would wish to speak to you ever again. Not because you had upset me, but because I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from verbally assassinating every minor part of your life that didn’t directly align with my values and behaviours seeing as though we no longer had boundaries or decorum.

My house may not be show home standard, I may have clutter around (which is an external metaphor for my cluttered ADHD addled mind), and I might be a hard-faced cow when it comes to people treating me like shit, but at least I’m not a two-faced arsehole with a Hyacinth Bucket complex. Wanted them “to do better” - bore off

Your friend obviously really likes you, if I have someone round who I have to be on my best for the piles get thrown into rooms they won't see but for true friends who I can relax around the piles and clutter remain. Life is far too short to spend my days fretting about clutter.

Beavis and butthead 🤨
Ll cool j and Eminem 😆

What a rollercoaster! .Learned loads

Ok I'm done. Going to look for the paramedic neighbour thread

Bleugh at all the ridiculous sexist standards bullshit in this thread

Who decided that immaculate was the only acceptable standard? Who decided that clean but messy was unacceptable?

Fuck off with that shit. Want to waste your own time, crack on. What others do with their own homes is up to them

WTF. It's people like you OP that have led to me being a recluse. I can't invite people round because my house isn't a show home.

Were you expected or did you cold call? 🙄
Do you know what is going on in their lives stress wise?

l much prefer a house that looks as though somebody actually lives in it.
Some women pride themselves on a tidy house, thankfully l am not one of them, l can quite easily turn a blind eye to it all, l have more interesting things to do.
More importantly l have a calm and peaceful home, state of mind, happy sons and a safe haven for my animals. Its pure bliss.

Agreed. I feel the same. Just sort your bloody life out and tidy up.

I have one friend who’s house is a mess, kids stuff everywhere, laundry piled high and clutter, clutter at every turn. But she is the loveliest, kindest human I know and that’s more important to me than a tidy house and I have never felt anything other than completely comfortable there.

100% unreasonable. Give your head a wobble.

Your comments are exactly the reason why my mother isnt allowed in my house unless it has been scheduled and i can do a deep clean and even then it will never meet her standards. Have a word with yourself - not everyone lives in a show home 24/7. My MIL also judges my cleaning but also judges me bringing in a cleaner. I cannot win so no one gets in the door if they are going to make judgey comments.

I have to say I don’t believe a word of this thread.

you honestly range a friend to discuss your reaction to her messy house?!!!

if this is real I you and I live in very different worlds!

That's the last time I invite you for coffee, Dorothy!

😡

@Newforumnewname

Y tho

Actually, I think ‘ruining the friendship’ would be doing them a favour. YABVU.

The day a big issue for me is a friend having an untidy house is the day I'll be having a party as I have too much else on my mind to think about (unless it is causing me worry for someone I think isn't mentally coping).

I had a friend at Uni whose house was in a bad state, and I’m not talking what you are, it wasn’t piles of clutter, but genuinely dirty / fleas etc. I never judged her on it, in fact we became good friends and I helped her out as much as I could financially as she would be living off £16 child benefit all summer until the next student loan. That’s not an exaggeration either, that’s all she had for £5 electricity (when gone it was gone) and food for her and 14yr old child. This was 25 odd years ago, her son waited until he was more than in a position to have a child and I know their relationship is impacted, I guess he feels she could have done better. Maybe she could with some things but wasn’t my place to judge, just help where I could

You have actually showed your friend your original post about her? 🤔

Are they super busy at the moment, only reason I ask, I’ve been on a course the past 9 months and literally just finished, i have felt overwhelmed and quite down the last few days because I’ve finally had time to look around the house and it’s as you described, not dirty but clothes and bits everywhere. It’s actually making me feel a bit depressed, hoping to make a dent on it this week.

Don't come to my house 😂

You dont need to "check" that the washing up is done or toilet is clean. People just happen to notice naturally, you know.

OP, its fine not to feel your best in a messy house. You probably been taugh by your parents that its something to be ashamed of or similar. You never know why this person ended up with a house like this. The best is to learn not to judge I found. Its easier on oneself.

You dont need to "check" that the washing up is done or toilet is clean. People just happen to notice naturally, you know.
Not really. Only if they've made it their business to do an unsolicited house inspection.

I wish I was less concerned with how tidy our house is. Without fail my most interesting friends have messy houses. It’s not their priority. Living a fun life and having plenty of time for their friends comes first.

Thank god I have a dishwasher so no one knows if my washing up is ‘done’ or not.

I haven't read the full thread but going to a messy house would make me feel uneasy and uncomfortable. I would never invite people round to my house whilst it was in such a mess, i just couldn't.