Rude Comments About Shopping

[dottiedodah]

3 adults plus DS at WE.Had reasonable amount for us ,and the week ahead .An old chap smiled behind me ,I smiled back .He then commented re amount saying " You dont have to buy the whole shop you know ,leave something for the rest of us!" I muttered a comment and felt annoyed and embarrassed .Had just general meals for Dinners, plus Bread ,sandwich fillings etc plus Loo rolls ,washing liquid and so on .No Alcohol or huge joints of Beef!

Also I like small talk as much as the next person ,but this came over differently somehow .Anyway will disregard .Was feeling very up too ,Not having a bad day at all!

In this case I would have done my polite laugh and said “oh they eat me out of house and home”.

Just ignore it, dottie, it really isn't worth vexing about.

Yes its irritating and annoying and you can post about any subject you want to on mumsnet so don't worry.

Men getting away with this sort of batshittery and their partners and families encouraging them by not pulling them up on it.

Jokes are meant to be funny and his wasnt. Jokes also reflect what the person feels deep down on some level so he was probably jealous you could afford all that shopping. YANBU. He was a twat.

He should try and put himself in the shoes of people in war zones who have limited access to supplies as there was plenty left on the shelves for him.

You can't be serious? How do some people get through the day...

If you want comments, try doing a shop for a Scout camp. The last time I did that was Early March 2020... we had two full trolleys.

(Scout leader shopping gives you a thick skin to such comments, as you buy large numbers of odd items. Like 15 broomsticks...)

Well firstly it's many years since I was shopping for a large family so that's not relevant. And as I live in a small town I can assure you there's plenty of small talk, chat and gossip going on in our only supermarket.

I,d laugh and say something like it’s costing me the gdp of a small country too! or with teenagers in the house I won’t even get to eat any of it! It’s just chat.

I imagine in a similiar way to others, one second at a time.

Do you do it differently?

Yeah this. Everytime I am doing something in the garden our next door neighbour says, 'You can come and do ours next', every single time and every single time I do a polite laugh. It's the same sort of thing. Random small talk. Like when something doesn't scan in a shop and people say haha that must mean it is free.

Jokes are meant to be funny and his wasnt. Jokes also reflect what the person feels deep down on some level so he was probably jealous you could afford all that shopping. YANBU. He was a twat.

This is absolute wankery. It was a bad joke, trying to make conversation. Why would what is probably a single or part of a couple old man want a weeks shop for a family? Some things just aren't that deep and this is one of them.

Have you not been on the AIBU board before and understand its function?

When we used to entertain for DH's work, I used to buy six bottles of wine at a time because at that time tescos gave a discount (I think it was 20%) I used to regulary get comments like "oh its a party can I come" "it must be fun at your house" and so on. I just used to smile and nod.

Making excuses for passive agressive 'jokes' is wankery.

Ah, are you feeling especially sensitive, OP?

If I'm feeling skinny and full of energy, this would be fine. If I was feeling lumpy and overweight, I would have probably taken this as a personal comment about my food consumption!

It was fine op. I'd have had a little chat with him.

The only comments that have ever annoyed me, have been of the "I hope you're a good cook, spending that much of your husband's money" type.

I get far more satisfaction from saying "cordon bleu trained darling - I know how to please my husband in the dining room as well as the kitchen".

Perhaps I should write a short book "the famous five devise quips for mysogynous old gits and arseholes generally.

What on earth was"passive aggressive" about this joke? You don't really believe he actually thought op has bought the entire shop and managed to cram it all into one trolley? <boggles>

Obviously people interact with those they know everywhere. Gossip occurs in my town and I'm a part of it!
But there is ime a code in some areas that one should not pass any comment to strangers as it would certainly be unusual and therefore probay analysed as passive aggressive or stemming from the sad neediness of loneliness.

Hence I say nothing to strangers where I live now whereas when I go back to old home it's a bit overwhelming at first!

Yes, he was rude. If he’s lonely or just wanted to make a comment, he could have said something different not something negative. So yes, he was rude whatever his motivation. It it was not something massive so do just let it go.

we had something similar yesterday. We decided to get sushi from our local shop rather than order take away as the take away was so very much more. We had 6 adults and the sushi was our dinner. So quite a lot purchased of sushi, gyoza, edamame, boa buns etc for 6 adults starter and main meal. The older man at check out ask me if it were all for me. I was with my adult daughter, who was offended. I told her just let it go. I said to the man, “yes it is. I’m buying all this for 6 adults thank you very much.” Paid and left.

he could have said “are you having a party?” Or “do you like sushi?” I’ve had cashiers ask if something is tasty or if I’m buying a weird ingredient, ask me what I’m making with it. Those comments are fine snd in no way offensive.

this guy was rude. If happens in future, You can choose to ignore comments altogether. They’ll get they’re being rude.

I think its rude to comment on other people's shopping.

ok god OP, so many people saying he's probably lonely and it's small talk (and possibly even an invitation to you to let him go in front of you?) and suddenly it's sexist and men are allowed to say what they like to us poor women? That's a bit of a stretch

But these comments have highlighted a wider point i think and it is interesting. Does NOBODY know how to make small talk now? As with the thread about someone being pestered in a café, does nobody also not know how to reply politely and firmly close down the chit-chat?

I was at a beer garden yesterday while friend went to get drinks, i asked two people at a picnic table if we could sit there, and they were waiting for friends so they said no but i realised they were also English and we had a bit of polite chat about the thing we were there to see (something typically English) and then i went off to find another table. It was fine. Older people often chat to me in supermarkets too and I'm not offended or horrified, i chat back if i have time, and if not I'm polite and move on with my day. does nobody know how to do that now?

Someone once made a similar comment to me...I just laughed and said "yeah, my kids eat me out of house and home". You are being absolutely ridiculous...but don't worry, give it a few more years and we'll all be so engrossed in technology and petrified of offending anyone that all real life social interaction will be obliterated.

Fewer and fewer ime. I tell you I want a sociological study done.😂

Its boggling you cant use your common sense. And its baffling you really believe I believe that. Silly.

I wouldn't be bothered by that at all. I don't know whereabouts you live, but NI is full of people who make jokey remarks like that. It's not the funniest thing on earth - just a bit of friendly banter. I'm not the most sociable person, but if remarks like that got to me, I'd never be able to step out the front door!

It just sounds like a friendly lighthearted joke to me.