To understand not wanting to be involved

[CandyApplePie]

In this situation.....Probably get flamed for this but anyway

I am on another site where a woman has had a baby from a one night stand (this is what he has referred to her as) they met once and she fell pregnant and kept the baby, he doesn't want to be involved and expressed that to her from the beginning. She kept the baby and is now pursuing him for child maintenance. The man is angry and telling her she was just a one night stand and to go away and that he wants nothing to do with the baby, he is saying he used a condom (she says they didn't) so it's not his baby, they are going to be doing a dna test but he is insisting the child is nothing to do with him. All the comments are along the lines of "how can he just walk away" "how can he want nothing to do with the child" "babies are a blessing" "having a child is the most amazing experience" but aibu to understand why someone wouldn't want to be tied to a stranger for the rest of their lives? Maintenance is a separate issue but I can understand why a man wouldn't want to be involved in raising the child, he is insisting he did use a condom she says they didn't so no one really knows the truth their apart from the two of them.

Just returned to this..wow it’s really descended into madness..

i think you’ve raised really interesting & valid points & I agree with pretty much everything you’ve said @CandyApplePie.

It does seem stacked in favour of the woman & if she knowingly consented to sex without contraception or emergency contraception & was told from start he didn’t want a pregnancy - she cannot be angry when he expresses he does not nor ever did want a child with a stranger he may not even be able to remember the name of. Nor can she then slam him if she never hears from him & blast him on SM to make herself look good. Obviously he is obliged to pay via CMS.

What’s the solution though I wonder? Sign a waiver before sex?! Get a witnessed recording of pre sex discussions on the subject?! It’s such a minefield. Wasn’t there that case in US where 2 actors (I assume) had split up/divorced & they were fighting over frozen embryos from when they were married? I think the woman wanted them aborted & the man was fighting for his right to be their parent & was blocking it? I think in the end the woman one the case.

Be interesting if/when the male pill ever gets off the ground. You could get men refusing to come off it for fear they’ll be trapped into having children they don’t want. And all sorts of other ramifications too. Interesting stuff!

Its tough basically. He presumably knew that sex risks pregnancy. If he was that against parenthood he should have made better choices.

I suppose I agree then and the same should apply to women. Let's crack on with repealing Wade Vs Roe then to give identical level of choices to both sexes. Sex risks pregnancy so don't have sex of not wanting to be pregnant. I can't believe after decades of being pro choice and actively campaigning for abortion rights Mumsnet has finally made me pro life.

This would be so much easier if it wasn't for the sexism that meant male contraceptive research was funded to a lesser extent than women's. Men have far less choice with contraceptive (women's are free) but are expected to pay for condoms. Plus even if it was agreed not trying for a baby men are on the hook for CMS. It's why I insist on female on implant man with condom or no sex. As even then condoms sometimes do fail.

Why does men being careful about where they ejaculate mean women should no longer have access to abortion?

Let's crack on with repealing Wade Vs Roe then to give identical level of choices to both sexes.

You're trying to make two things equal when they never can be because men don't have to carry and give birth to a child. Not everything can be directly comparable or equally weighted. Because of bodily autonomy quite rightly existing.