To understand not wanting to be involved

[CandyApplePie]

In this situation.....Probably get flamed for this but anyway

I am on another site where a woman has had a baby from a one night stand (this is what he has referred to her as) they met once and she fell pregnant and kept the baby, he doesn't want to be involved and expressed that to her from the beginning. She kept the baby and is now pursuing him for child maintenance. The man is angry and telling her she was just a one night stand and to go away and that he wants nothing to do with the baby, he is saying he used a condom (she says they didn't) so it's not his baby, they are going to be doing a dna test but he is insisting the child is nothing to do with him. All the comments are along the lines of "how can he just walk away" "how can he want nothing to do with the child" "babies are a blessing" "having a child is the most amazing experience" but aibu to understand why someone wouldn't want to be tied to a stranger for the rest of their lives? Maintenance is a separate issue but I can understand why a man wouldn't want to be involved in raising the child, he is insisting he did use a condom she says they didn't so no one really knows the truth their apart from the two of them.

He chose to have sex, which is different to wanting a baby. I had an a unwanted pregnancy once, and had an abortion. In my experience it’s usually anti abortionists that come out with the sentiment that wanting to have sex is the same as wanting to have a baby.

If we only had sex for reproductive purposes then sure, but we don’t.

i cant imagine thats a very common scenario, but if it happened, and the woman gave up the baby for adoption, as long as the baby was looked after.
If she wanted to get someone else to look after it without having it adopted then she would have to pay maintenance.

But he had the choice to ejaculate anywhere else if he really didn’t want a baby.

but she said that he didnt use a condom. Now shes pregnant, it looks fairly likely that no condom was used, or it wasnt used properly

No, but the choices are different. He can choose where to deposit his sperm. She can choose to abort. That’s fairly basic biology.

It’s not a false equivalence at all. Women get to decide what happens to their bodies. Men get to decide what to do with theirs. If he was so certain he didn’t want a baby, he would literally have ejaculated anywhere else. The world is his oyster. But he chose the one place that would result in a baby. How could he possibly pretend he didn’t want one after that?

He said he didn’t want one…….then ejaculated in the only place that could have made one? What absolutely ridiculous logic. Of course he wanted a baby. Otherwise he would have made a different choice.

No, see, this is where you need a knowledge of basic biology.

She can choose to abort, because she has a choice over what happens to her body, and that’s a choice he does not have.

His choices involve where and how he chooses to ejaculate. Once he has chosen ‘inside of this woman’ his choices of what happens next drastically reduce to zero.

So, knowing that, how could he then claim he didn’t want a baby?

He is a father for the rest of his life though. Whether or not he decides to cast off an actual human being he chose to create is irrelevant to that fact.

It's hard enough to get some men to parent their planned and wanted children. Good luck trying to get them involved with their unwanted ones.

Exactly. She’s ridding her body of some cells she doesn’t want there any more. That’s absolutely her choice.

His choice was ejaculating in her, and creating those cells.

Sure, but I imagine the motivation was pleasure, not reproduction. It’s clear he doesn’t want the child, because it’s apparent that he has no intention of helping raise it beyond paying child support.

Anyway, it’s arguing around in circles at this point and I don’t see there being agreement. I doubt either of us are likely to change their opinion.

@whumpthereitis regardless of his motivation, he still made that choice.

I had an abortion because I didn’t want to be pregnant, and I didn’t want to be a mother. Had I not had the option of abortion, I would still not have wanted to be a mother, and I would not have raised the child myself. If I had had a child, and given it up for adoption that would have been fine presumably? What if the father wanted to keep it? That would mean I couldn’t give it up for adoption, I could only walk away and pay child support. I suppose that would make me a piece of shit?

Is the difference between ‘fine’ and ‘not fine’ a legal sign off? Is it better that both parents want to give a child up, rather than just one?

And he’s making the choice not to be involved beyond that, so…🤷🏻‍♀️

My ultimate end goal I suppose would be men realising they shouldn’t make babies they don’t want.

What’s yours? Forced abortions so men never have to think about the consequences of their three seconds of joy?

Unless he’s chased for maintenance so 🤷‍♀️