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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who makes the birthday cake?

164 replies

GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 08:51

DH has his birthday at the end of this month and usually there isn't a big party so I just make a cake to have with our family. This year we are having his wider family round as we thought it would be nice after covid etc.

Anyway MIL has just announced to DH that she's got his cake planned. No consultation with me or anything. AIBU to think the default position is that the partner has first dibs on providing the birthday cake and should at least be asked first?

OP posts:
thatweirdhippygirl · 15/05/2022 08:52

Literally couldn’t give a fuck but maybe that’s just me. One less job for you.

Threetulips · 15/05/2022 08:54

Whilst I’d be annoyed of it was a child’s cake, I couldn’t get worked up about a DH cake. Let her pay for it and spend time making it - you spend the time and money on yourself!! Win Win.

Philisophigal · 15/05/2022 08:54

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn at the user's request.

naomi81 · 15/05/2022 08:54

Won't bother me at all either, a nice thing to
Do for her son x

AgnesNaismith · 15/05/2022 08:55

The cake shop makes the birthday cake.

Onionpatch · 15/05/2022 08:55

I think the host normally does the cake? And then if someone else wants to do it they speak to the host.

IncompleteSenten · 15/05/2022 08:55

Tesco makes mine too.

I'd says thanks and be glad it's one less thing to do.

Ducksinthebath · 15/05/2022 08:56

Clearly the cake is a big thing in your family. In mine M&S makes the cake and it’s a squabble over who has the onerous task of going to pick it up (if the Ocado van doesn’t bring it).

Can you see this as one year you get a more relaxed time? Your MIL doing the cake doesn’t take away from other years when you did it.

MyBrilliantFriend · 15/05/2022 08:56

I would have zero issue with this. One less thing to do and MIL feels good.

Lovemusic33 · 15/05/2022 08:56

I would be pleased, one less thing for you to worry about and saves you money, win win situation.

Original poster
GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 08:57

If DH hadn't told me then I could have already got all the bits in to make it. But yes it does save me a job.

OP posts:
FabulousKilljoys · 15/05/2022 08:58

Couldn't get worked up over it. It's a nice thing to do for her son, don't see why a consultation with you is necessary first. If she hadn't mentioned it at all and you'd already gone out of your way to make one then maybe, but even then who cares? It's cake. The more the merrier.

Qwill · 15/05/2022 08:58

I would be over the moon if my MIL made the cake. What a lovely gesture.

Original poster
GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 08:58

The more the merrier. this is true the worst that would have happened is two cakes.

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 15/05/2022 08:58

Happy for her to do it.
but would expect to be asked politely with plenty of notice

DurhamDurham · 15/05/2022 08:59

Perhaps she could have asked but I'd be absolutely delighted as it would be one less thing to organise. I've got two grown up children and a granddaughter, we made it into a family tradition to choose your own birthday cake from M&S/Sainsburys Asda. They've never had a homemade cake and don't seem to have missed out because of it.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 15/05/2022 08:59

I think she is being odd, if you are hosting people then she should at least have asked what you had planned and checked with you that you hadn't already ordered one

Mally100 · 15/05/2022 08:59

thatweirdhippygirl · 15/05/2022 08:52

Literally couldn’t give a fuck but maybe that’s just me. One less job for you.

Exactly 🤣One less thing for me to do.

Original poster
GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 09:02

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 15/05/2022 08:59

I think she is being odd, if you are hosting people then she should at least have asked what you had planned and checked with you that you hadn't already ordered one

Yes that was what I thought. I could have had one on order or something. Maybe I could get away with asking her to make all the sandwiches too haha

OP posts:
LoveSpringDaffs · 15/05/2022 09:03

Weird behaviour just to decide to do it, not OFFER. It's a bit 'I'm more important than YOU' but if it's likely to be made hygenically & it'll be a nice cake then roll your eyes and let her crack on with her one upmanship.

if it's likely to be made in a filthy kitchen or won't be nice, get DH to say 'no thanks mum we have that sorted'.

Original poster
GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 09:03

DurhamDurham · 15/05/2022 08:59

Perhaps she could have asked but I'd be absolutely delighted as it would be one less thing to organise. I've got two grown up children and a granddaughter, we made it into a family tradition to choose your own birthday cake from M&S/Sainsburys Asda. They've never had a homemade cake and don't seem to have missed out because of it.

Oh yes completely get the birthday cake tradition is different in all families.

OP posts:
PurassicJark · 15/05/2022 09:04

I would only find this insulting if your job was a baker, specifically cake for special occasions.

Otherwise let her do it or both make one. You can never have enough cake.

11stonesomething · 15/05/2022 09:04

This reply has been deleted

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Offandonagain · 15/05/2022 09:05

thatweirdhippygirl · 15/05/2022 08:52

Literally couldn’t give a fuck but maybe that’s just me. One less job for you.

This!

Dinoteeth · 15/05/2022 09:06

Threetulips · 15/05/2022 08:54

Whilst I’d be annoyed of it was a child’s cake, I couldn’t get worked up about a DH cake. Let her pay for it and spend time making it - you spend the time and money on yourself!! Win Win.

This he's still her baby!
Couldn't get too excited about it. Enjoy having one less job to do