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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who makes the birthday cake?

164 replies

GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 08:51

DH has his birthday at the end of this month and usually there isn't a big party so I just make a cake to have with our family. This year we are having his wider family round as we thought it would be nice after covid etc.

Anyway MIL has just announced to DH that she's got his cake planned. No consultation with me or anything. AIBU to think the default position is that the partner has first dibs on providing the birthday cake and should at least be asked first?

OP posts:
PrincessRamone · 15/05/2022 16:29

toomuchlaundry · 15/05/2022 16:19

Think it is the telling not the asking, always polite to ask the host not tell @PrincessRamone. Likewise, if the MIL was organising something at her house, OP would check with her first

Yeah, I completely agree. Hence me asking what “announced” really means, because I suspect MIL has asked her son (“Oh nice! Shall I bring a cake?” “Yeah, that’ll be nice mum” “Gnocchi, mum’s going to bring the cake”), rather than actually announcing her intention to undermine OPs meticulous party planning. 😁

Original poster
GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 16:32

PrincessRamone · 15/05/2022 13:56

Although it’s possible, the way it was phrased to DH was I’d like to bring a cake, DH: sure. DH to you: my DM is bring the birthday cake.

I have to say, that’s what I assumed.

@GarlicGnocchi it might help if you explain what “announced” means.

So did she just happen to mention it to your DH when she spoke to him, assuming that he would pass the message on and that you would speak to her if there was a problem (my assumption of events).

Or was it a real announcement, with her making a big deal about it, declaring to everyone other than you her grand plans and what a magnificent cake it will be, thereby backing you into a corner so there is no way you can scupper her cake plans by doing something so conniving as having a quiet word and saying “Ta MIL, but actually I’d rather do the cake. Can you bring quiche?”

It was somewhere in between.. a kind of Hi son, I've had a really great idea for your birthday cake, best idea I've had yet. I've got all the stuff in look forward to seeing you at the party.

OP posts:
Original poster
GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 16:34

toomuchlaundry · 15/05/2022 16:19

Think it is the telling not the asking, always polite to ask the host not tell @PrincessRamone. Likewise, if the MIL was organising something at her house, OP would check with her first

Exactly! You get me.

OP posts:
Original poster
GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 16:37

centrepiece of the birthday spread christ alive, what a whole load of fuss over nothing! of course the cake is the centrepiece. Unless we had a cheese tower or mountain of sausage rolls arranged like a Greek panthenon. In the same way the turkey is the centrepiece of a Christmas meal.

OP posts:
IRunbecauseILikeCake · 15/05/2022 16:38

I wouldn't give this a second thought. She's his mum and it's nice that she wants to do something for his birthday. Plus it's one less thing to worry about.

ancientgran · 15/05/2022 18:14

GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 16:37

centrepiece of the birthday spread christ alive, what a whole load of fuss over nothing! of course the cake is the centrepiece. Unless we had a cheese tower or mountain of sausage rolls arranged like a Greek panthenon. In the same way the turkey is the centrepiece of a Christmas meal.

At the party we had when DD was Baptised we decided not to have a cake. I did a lovely buffet (even if I do say so myself) and the centrepiece was a huge bowl of strawberries, pounds of them that I'd picked at PYO place the day before. Either side of the bowl was a jug of cream.

People were eating but watching the bowl, when one person cracked and helped themself we had a stampede. I like strawberries but never realised they would hold such fascination for everyone.

My tip if you want to outdo MIL is buy a big bowl and two jugs and pick 10lbs of strawberries and watch.

StuckInTheMiddleOfNowhere · 15/05/2022 18:16

One less job for you.

A. Friend has always made all ours as its her profession. So i wont have that worry thankfully

Stormyinacoffeemug · 15/05/2022 18:41

I know I'm missing the point of the thread but why don't you use your green icing on individual cupcakes to go around the main cake for the guests to take away with them?

notacooldad · 15/05/2022 18:44

The more the merrier. this is true the worst that would have happened is two cakes
Exactly!
So theres no issue here at all?
.

pinkyredrose · 15/05/2022 18:49

Feckingfeck · 15/05/2022 09:13

Completely this.. but replace f*ck with feck 🙂

Show quote history

Feck? What's wrong with 'fuck'?

trailrunner85 · 15/05/2022 19:05

Please do a sausage roll Parthenon. Now that would be a centrepiece!! 😁

Blossomtoes · 15/05/2022 19:14

thatweirdhippygirl · 15/05/2022 08:52

Literally couldn’t give a fuck but maybe that’s just me. One less job for you.

This. I’d be delighted to be relieved of the hassle.

Original poster
GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 19:30

Stormyinacoffeemug · 15/05/2022 18:41

I know I'm missing the point of the thread but why don't you use your green icing on individual cupcakes to go around the main cake for the guests to take away with them?

Could do but then I'd have to rethink the rest of it to do it in mini otherwise its just a green cake.

OP posts:
Original poster
GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 19:30

trailrunner85 · 15/05/2022 19:05

Please do a sausage roll Parthenon. Now that would be a centrepiece!! 😁

I could probably manage a stone henge.

OP posts:
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