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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who makes the birthday cake?

164 replies

GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 08:51

DH has his birthday at the end of this month and usually there isn't a big party so I just make a cake to have with our family. This year we are having his wider family round as we thought it would be nice after covid etc.

Anyway MIL has just announced to DH that she's got his cake planned. No consultation with me or anything. AIBU to think the default position is that the partner has first dibs on providing the birthday cake and should at least be asked first?

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 15/05/2022 09:06

DS likes to make a cake for us now

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 15/05/2022 09:07

While I think it's odd to do it without asking you first I don't understand why it would be any kind of issue to have 2 cakes.

Are we talking Bake Off final level extravaganers? What “bits” are involved that wouldn't be used to make a cake on another day?

Original poster
GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 09:08

I do quite like making the cake even if it turns out shit. Maybe it's more a passive aggressive commentary on my cake.

OP posts:
Original poster
GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 09:09

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 15/05/2022 09:07

While I think it's odd to do it without asking you first I don't understand why it would be any kind of issue to have 2 cakes.

Are we talking Bake Off final level extravaganers? What “bits” are involved that wouldn't be used to make a cake on another day?

Green icing

OP posts:
AngelinaFibres · 15/05/2022 09:10

GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 08:58

The more the merrier. this is true the worst that would have happened is two cakes.

And you can never have too much cake. Let MIL do the cake if she wants to. It will give her enormous pleasure and save you a job. Enjoy the free time, and spend the money and time you have saved on coffee and cake with a friend .

villamariavintrapp · 15/05/2022 09:11

If you want to make it, make it. If you don't, then use hers. If you end up with two put the candles on yours and cut hers up quickly. This wouldn't be an issue for me. But I wouldn't mind having lots of cake.

LubaLuca · 15/05/2022 09:12

I think you're being churlish about this. It's a nice thing to do and saves you a job. I'd be thrilled if MIL bothered to do anything like this for DH, and I think he'd be touched if she did still want to make him nice things.

Feckingfeck · 15/05/2022 09:13

thatweirdhippygirl · 15/05/2022 08:52

Literally couldn’t give a fuck but maybe that’s just me. One less job for you.

Completely this.. but replace f*ck with feck 🙂

Original poster
GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 09:13

LubaLuca · 15/05/2022 09:12

I think you're being churlish about this. It's a nice thing to do and saves you a job. I'd be thrilled if MIL bothered to do anything like this for DH, and I think he'd be touched if she did still want to make him nice things.

I haven't said it isn't a nice thing for her to do. I'm just a bit put out she hasn't even thought that I might have already arranged a cake.

OP posts:
TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 15/05/2022 09:14

One less thing for you to do.

It really wouldn't be my choice of a hill to die on.

FabulousKilljoys · 15/05/2022 09:15

GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 08:58

The more the merrier. this is true the worst that would have happened is two cakes.

Exactly OP, and there's no such thing as too much cake 😁

User354354 · 15/05/2022 09:17

@thatweirdhippygirl

Has nailed it. I would be very happy to have one less thing to do

crosbystillsandmash · 15/05/2022 09:17

GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 08:57

If DH hadn't told me then I could have already got all the bits in to make it. But yes it does save me a job.

But you haven't? So you're literally creating an issue out of nothing.

I can never understand people getting in a twist about stuff like this.

LampLighter414 · 15/05/2022 09:18

Nothing to stop you making your own and having 2 or having your one with just you two and the kids earlier in the day

Positively, she has announced it in advance and is saving you a job. As has been joked, maybe you can ask if she is preparing any other food just so you can plan a shop and she might offer to do even more! Put your feet up!

TriciaMcMillan · 15/05/2022 09:18

My mother in law always makes a birthday cake for each of us, me, DH and for the kids. A week before, she'll enquire which flavour the birthday person would like (always her fantastic carrot cake for me!), and then we look forward to the visit on the day with the cake of choice. It's lovely and I can't imagine being put out by it. It's how she shows she cares. But obviously you know whether there is anything more to it than a kind and loving gesture.

LubaLuca · 15/05/2022 09:18

GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 09:13

I haven't said it isn't a nice thing for her to do. I'm just a bit put out she hasn't even thought that I might have already arranged a cake.

Show quote history

She's told you in good time though, because you haven't already arranged a cake. I think she's being really thoughtful, it's not like she's turned up at the party with a cake you weren't expecting to upstage you.

DyingForACuppa · 15/05/2022 09:20

I must admit when I read the question I thought usually mum gets first dibs on making the cake because I assumed this was for a child! As it's for an adult I can't see that it matters?

If you want to make cake you say "I've already planned a cake too so will have two." and if you haven't you say "Great, thanks."

DyingForACuppa · 15/05/2022 09:20

I must admit when I read the question I thought usually mum gets first dibs on making the cake because I assumed this was for a child! As it's for an adult I can't see that it matters?

If you want to make cake you say "I've already planned a cake too so will have two." and if you haven't you say "Great, thanks."

GrumpyPanda · 15/05/2022 09:23

Didn't realize there's such a thing as "THE" birthday cake. FWIW we'll often have several for extended family occasions, all homemade with different family members volunteering. Protocol usually is half of each cake gets left for the next day. It's not a wedding cake, get over yourself and enjoy.

collieresponder88 · 15/05/2022 09:33

I wouldn't care as long as he had a cake. Don't make an issue out of a non issue

Original poster
GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 09:36

LubaLuca · 15/05/2022 09:18

She's told you in good time though, because you haven't already arranged a cake. I think she's being really thoughtful, it's not like she's turned up at the party with a cake you weren't expecting to upstage you.

Show quote history

I guess it's the complete lack of thought on her part that I might have already sorted a cake.

OP posts:
Original poster
GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 09:39

It's not a wedding cake, get over yourself and enjoy. don't get me started on the fuss she made over not wanting her to make our wedding cake. Anyway it's all good we will have two cakes and I will use my green icing and all is well in the world. I wasn't going to confront her over a cake I know that's silly. It was just a hang on..isn't it a bit off of her to just tell DH she's making it without even asking me what the plan is.

OP posts:
Original poster
GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 09:40

DyingForACuppa · 15/05/2022 09:20

I must admit when I read the question I thought usually mum gets first dibs on making the cake because I assumed this was for a child! As it's for an adult I can't see that it matters?

If you want to make cake you say "I've already planned a cake too so will have two." and if you haven't you say "Great, thanks."

Yes see I always thought it should be parent makes it for child until child gets a partner who might then want to do it and so should be asked.

OP posts:
ancientgran · 15/05/2022 09:40

GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 08:57

If DH hadn't told me then I could have already got all the bits in to make it. But yes it does save me a job.

Or you could just bake a cake. Is there ever too much cake?

toomuchlaundry · 15/05/2022 09:42

If you are invited somewhere surely you check first if you are bringing food what is needed