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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who makes the birthday cake?

164 replies

GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 08:51

DH has his birthday at the end of this month and usually there isn't a big party so I just make a cake to have with our family. This year we are having his wider family round as we thought it would be nice after covid etc.

Anyway MIL has just announced to DH that she's got his cake planned. No consultation with me or anything. AIBU to think the default position is that the partner has first dibs on providing the birthday cake and should at least be asked first?

OP posts:
katepilar · 15/05/2022 10:51

It would have made all the different if she offered and discussed this with you, wouldnt it. I understand that just stating it is so bloody annoying.

PrincessRamone · 15/05/2022 10:53

I think MIL has made the mistake of thinking that as the event was for family, that she counted as being part of that family and therefore could contribute.

It probably didn’t occur to her that the cake was your “centrepiece” and that it was a more formal occasion.

She probably just wanted to celebrate her son’s birthday by doing something nice for him.

I hope she also remembered to check with you first to make sure the gift she got him is suitable!

(You are weirdly competitive with your MIL. It is OK for your DH to have both of you in his life.)

slashlover · 15/05/2022 10:53

Why does nobody even mention something or tell someone something, it's always "announce"?

I'd thank her and then I'd make a gluten/ allergen free birthday cake & announce it proudly to the assembled guests. I'd make sure people knew that that MIL hadn't checked with me re dietary requirements. So I would make a cake to compensate for her lack of consideration. 😜😁

But, you really wouldn't do that. Where has OP mentioned dietary requirements? Or are you saying after making the cake you'd then pretend to have allergies?

Original poster
GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 10:55

valerianaofficiana · 15/05/2022 10:32

Oh, and themed cakes are so naff.

Yes I like a naff cake.

OP posts:
Original poster
GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 10:58

valerianaofficiana · 15/05/2022 10:31

So many here have their priorities so very wrong. Next stop, Relationship Board🙄

What? It's a cake. It's not relationship ending.

OP posts:
TheLadyDIdGood · 15/05/2022 10:59

@slashlover there maybe guests at the party with specific dietary requirements. The MIL hadn't consulted with the OP about this either. So if the OP is going to make another cake anyway it might as well be gluten free. The MIL should have enquired first whether a cake was needed and if anybody had an intolerance.

Blarting · 15/05/2022 10:59

So you haven't got the bits? But you have got the green icing?

I'm confused as to why you're making the second cake?

Original poster
GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 10:59

You are weirdly competitive with your MIL I'm really not.

OP posts:
Original poster
GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 11:00

Blarting · 15/05/2022 10:59

So you haven't got the bits? But you have got the green icing?

I'm confused as to why you're making the second cake?

Yeah I have the green icing but nothing else. We always have flour and eggs and sugar in. I guess I can leave it and not make it. Then just make a random green cake one day.

OP posts:
Neverendingmindfuck · 15/05/2022 11:01

I would only complain if her cakes were shit.
I would then have a back up cake......
Im normally the cake maker in my family. I enjoy it. But it can be time consuming.
See it as a positive. You didn't buy the ingredients and you have extra time to organise other things or relax. Choice is yours.

Original poster
GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 11:01

katepilar · 15/05/2022 10:51

It would have made all the different if she offered and discussed this with you, wouldnt it. I understand that just stating it is so bloody annoying.

Yes thank you! I feel you understand where I'm coming from.

OP posts:
Original poster
GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 11:02

I think MIL has made the mistake of thinking that as the event was for family, that she counted as being part of that family and therefore could contribute. of course she can contribute but it needs a bit of coordination otherwise this is how you end up with everyone bringing quiche no one wants.

OP posts:
zingally · 15/05/2022 11:03

One less job for you!

If my MIL offered to do a cake for my DH, I'd be fully on board. Honestly couldn't give an F either way. It's a cake.

slashlover · 15/05/2022 11:03

TheLadyDIdGood · 15/05/2022 10:59

@slashlover there maybe guests at the party with specific dietary requirements. The MIL hadn't consulted with the OP about this either. So if the OP is going to make another cake anyway it might as well be gluten free. The MIL should have enquired first whether a cake was needed and if anybody had an intolerance.

I would assume that the MIL would know if anyone in her own family had dietary requirements just as much as the OP would?

PrincessRamone · 15/05/2022 11:04

GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 11:02

I think MIL has made the mistake of thinking that as the event was for family, that she counted as being part of that family and therefore could contribute. of course she can contribute but it needs a bit of coordination otherwise this is how you end up with everyone bringing quiche no one wants.

Don’t worry then. Usually everyone wants cake!

Blarting · 15/05/2022 11:07

If DH hadn't told me then I could have already got all the bits in to make it. But yes it does save me a job.

This made it sound like you needed additional bits, so confused that you're now saying you've no need to buy additional bits?

I think making the cake is a bit PA, when you know ones already organised.

ParkheadParadise · 15/05/2022 11:10

Who makes the cake?
Tesco, Asda, M&S
If I really like the person whose birthday it is I will ask my neighbour to make one.

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 15/05/2022 11:11

GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 11:02

I think MIL has made the mistake of thinking that as the event was for family, that she counted as being part of that family and therefore could contribute. of course she can contribute but it needs a bit of coordination otherwise this is how you end up with everyone bringing quiche no one wants.

I'll take the quiche 😂

Original poster
GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 11:13

Blarting · 15/05/2022 11:07

If DH hadn't told me then I could have already got all the bits in to make it. But yes it does save me a job.

This made it sound like you needed additional bits, so confused that you're now saying you've no need to buy additional bits?

I think making the cake is a bit PA, when you know ones already organised.

I don't need to go and get anything else if I decide not to go and make the cake but I will be left with green icing. No biggie. If I do make the cake I need additional bits to decorate it.

OP posts:
Original poster
GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 11:14

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 15/05/2022 11:11

I'll take the quiche 😂

Show quote history

I might make a quiche instead and whack a candle in it.

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 15/05/2022 11:23

@PrincessRamone surely it’s polite and common sense to ask the host whether you need to bring anything or ask whether you could do the cake, rather than say that is what you are going to do, family or not.

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 15/05/2022 11:24

Haha @GarlicGnocchi go for it!! And make it a really sexy massive amazing quiche that everyone fawns over and the cake gets overlooked because everyone is so full of quiche.

Or what about one of those amazing cake style cheese towers that people have started having at weddings? I would much prefer that to cake! Especially MILs cakes... I've seen her attempts at jam tarts and that was enough for me!!

valerianaofficiana · 15/05/2022 11:30

TheDove here proves my point exactly 🙄

SickAndTiredAgain · 15/05/2022 11:31

I don't think it's so much that the partner has "first dibs" but I do think that it's odd to take it upon yourself to organise any element of a party that you are not hosting, without checking first. Your MIL may have ended up wasting her time if she'd told you it was sorted only for you to say that you'd already done it as well.

Riverlee · 15/05/2022 11:36

I think that if the host is a family member, then they get first dibs.