Shut down rude colleague

[PluralForBell]

There is someone at work who constantly comes to me to tell me something negative about my work or about me as a person. She is a lot older than me and extremely domineering and confident, she rules the roost.

The thing she says sometimes have a tiny teeny bit of truth to them but she uses any perceived weaknesses to weaponise it to undermine my confidence and doubt myself.

She is not in my team so can't speak to LM.

I am focusing on my job and am quite good at it based on feedback. I think this woman doesn't like me or feels threatened IDK.

How can I breezily shut her flow of negative comments up while remaining polite and professional?

It's not even so much what she says she just comes to make underhand remarks then leaves again, like spreading her daily poison.

Annoyingly, this stresses me and makes me doubt myself.

How do I remain confident with this co worker but make her daily approaches stop?

OP - another approach that will stop her behaviour in its tracks is if you ask HER for a favour. Think of what her job is and what you could ask her to advise you on or show you. Does she know her way around something that you don't? When she comes over to your desk, you can say '' Oh, hello! I was hoping I could ask a favour from you - could I ask your opinion/ could I ask for your help on...'' and steam right ahead with what you want. When you ask people to help you, it makes them like you! But I guess you already know this about people.

This will absolutely not work with someone like OP's colleague. She'll use it as more ammunition against OP.

I think I would say very little. In response to a comment, look at her directly in the eye, big wide smile, say 'noted, thanks', hold the eye contact and false smile for a few seconds, preferably long enough to make her feel uncomfortable, then continue with what you were doing, keep the silence and don't re-engage.

I would laugh and shake my head. And not respond in any other way. She won't like it.

As a former manager comments like that are unacceptable. You could raise a complaint officially but an alternative would be to check her remarks (particularly things like the big headed one) with your own LM to see whether she has any grounds for her comments. Then you’ve been professional in checking your performance & exposed the behaviour.

There used to be training courses called How to deal with difficult people and similar. You could ask for a meeting with your Line Manager and say you would like to be sent on such a course if they still exist. Flags up the issue and shows you want to take steps to handle it professionally. It will also start a conversation about why you want to go and you can give the examples you have here.

Keep a record of times dates and comments. Don’t rise to it or use sarcasm, be polite if you have to respond. Speak to your line manager and confirm in an email after as in ‘thank you for your support and advice earlier re etc etc . Then take to HR if your line manager can’t intervene. Good luck, if it helps it sounds like you are doing a great job 👍

I truly cannot stand hearing this sort of thing.

I'd apologise.

The next time she comes over I would let her speak then I'd say something like " I'm sorry that you are so unhappy within yourself that you feel the need to get others to join you in your misery. I cannot join you because I am not there. Let me be clear snd I will say this only once, your opinions, comments or advice are not required, please do not bother me with them again. Thank you". Then walk away. She shouldn't come back after that.

If that is too confrontational for you. Everytime she comes over to you just walk away and if she follows keep walking and only respond if what she says is not mean or negative.

I must say the comment about how you must spend your salary is too much. Maybe she doesn't have any friends to go to lunch with.

Best of luck I do hope you find a way to put a stop to this.

I wouldn’t give her the time of the day but reply back with ‘Oh you SAY the nicest things’….and then leave it at that.

I hate people like this, and certainly would not be sucking up to them in any way. Not my thing.

how has she been recently OP?