If you are an only child…

[Organictangerine]

Would you have preferred a sibling(s)?

No agenda here
I have an only myself at the moment
I have lots of siblings
Just interested to know the experiences of others

Really interesting comments from onlys who assume their life would have been better just because of siblings. I have a brother 14 months older than me and I spent most of my childhood and all of my teenage years fantasising what it would be like to not have a brother and I’m sure he wished I’d never come along either. We have never gotten on, perhaps as toddlers we played together but after that he made my life a misery. We agreed a truce a few years ago but still barely speak. I love my nephew to pieces but he won’t be a playmate for my child as there’s over a decade age difference so the ‘oh but what about having a cousin’ thing doesn’t really apply here either.
Parents are dead now so can’t say anything about caring for them but I’ve a friend with 2 sisters close in age and she’s the one left to do all the caring for their mum in old age as sisters don’t give a crap, which is arguably more frustrating.
On the other hand of course a lot of siblings do enhance each other’s lives, I just don’t think either situation guarantees anything.

That was paragraphed, sorry!

An only is a lonely imo

DH is an only. He loved it growing up. He has never missed having a sibling. He’s one of the most well rounded, happiest, gregarious people I know.

I hated being an only child then, and hate it now. What I hate is the intensity of parental focus on just me. I have three close friends who are only children. We all feel the same.

I’m an only child and I hated it. I spent my entire childhood feeling so lonely, appreciate that was my family in the 1980’s though.
My parents are now in their 80’s and my Mum has dementia. The entire weight of caring for them has fallen to me. I’ve got nobody to share things with or talk to about things.

My sisters were 7/8 years older than me so it was like being an only child. I disliked it especially as they picked on me. We are not close now as adults either. I swore I would never do same so had 18m gap between dd's. They grew up best of friends it was lovely until they hit teens then they hated each other. Now as adults they tolerate each other. Also I had a third child when they were 14/15 so ended up repeating my parents actions! Although ds is fine by himself now he's a bit older I'd love a sibling for him but it's too late now.

I have a db who’s 1 year younger and another who is 9 years younger. The youngest told me he feels like an only child due to the big age gap. He doesn’t share the same memories that our other db and I have together. He isn’t an adult yet so he hasn’t experienced the same things as us.

That's just a bit of warning if you’re considering an age gap of more than 4 years. Due to fertility issues, I may only have 1.

@Organictangerine some of the PP might’ve had cousins that were a similar age to them or lived on a street full of dc. You can’t really ask for opinions without assessing the variables. I imagine most only dc spend loads more time with adults.

I’m an only and was desperate for a sibling. I still wish now that I had that close bond with someone. I vowed I wouldn’t have an only. I’ve only been able to have one child and I really hope she doesn’t feel like I did growing up.

I have an only child by choice. I didn’t want her having to deal with a sibling. I have a sister who I never got on with. In childhood we only fought and in our adulthood we lived away from each other ever since I turned 18. The stories of having a close sibling who you are a best friend with are a fantasy for many people. I can only count on one hand a number of friends that are actually close to their siblings.

But that doesn't bother me. At all. I have my own family and friends that I've created, and I can remember my childhood without someone else's help. I really don't understand why that's something to pity - but I understand it's something you valued and no longer have, so I'm sorry for that.

My parents both have siblings they're not particularly close to, they see them maybe once or twice a year.

Me and my sibling don’t get on, we can’t be in the same room, so having one for company won’t always work.

I feel the same - that was what I found (and still find) the hardest. I cringe a bit when people say that having undivided parental attention is a positive of being an only. Maybe it is for some people but I found being the sole focus of parental attention absolutely suffocating.

I’m an only and I thoroughly dislike it.

I found childhood very lonely despite having lots of cousins to play with. I also find the same as an adult despite having good friends and my DH having a lovely immediate family.

My situation could be impacted by the fact that my Mum is a single parent and I had a tricky time with her growing up. I find with no sibling or other parent around our relationship is very intense and her truth is ‘the truth’. Perhaps my feeling about being an only would be different if I had another parent.

My DH and his siblings have a shared history and a shared understanding of their past that is often really helpful for him especially with parents getting older and passing away.

But there are plenty of people out there who love being an only. I think more depends on your upbringing that the number of siblings that you have.

I can see that that is very tough, but having siblings doesn't equal help with ageing parents, especially if the siblings are male (shouldn't be the case, of course, but often is). I have 3 sibs, and 2 of them were completely useless at helping with my parents - one of them made things worse by doing fuck all 99% of the time, then occasionally swanning down to demand why "nobody" had sorted x or y for Mum. The only sib who was any use was my DSis, who lives abroad so, though she was a great emotional support and did all she could from a distance, almost all the practical side fell to me.

I have two siblings, but I’m the only one that does all the mental and physical load of the elderlies. I struggle to see the benefit of being one of three. Now maybe if I’d had a sister instead of two brothers it would be different.

that said DDs BF is an only one, very happy as one, but he finds it really difficult to see any perspective other than his own or share or not to have his own way.

no right or wrong IMO, some siblings are worth having and some aren’t.

My mum was an only and says her childhood was bitterly lonely. My DD is an only and she loves it (she’s 11).

If people can have more than one child, I'd ask them to definitely do it.

I hope you mean more than biologically they can, as in if they can afford to both financially and emotionally.

And OP it's not the same as going to South America, you can read about the culture of a country from multiple sources you can't predict a future child's personality and relationship. All those saying they wished they had a sibling will have an invented an ideal of how their sibling would behave, like teens and a fantasy boyfriend.

If you have another child it has to be because it's best for the family as a whole and if you're doing the birthing and principal childcare it has to be something you want, not a gift for your existing child.

That's not true. I absolutely adore having siblings

What a pointless silly answer!

I always wanted siblings, a brother and a sister would have been great. Now dealing with ASD daughter and elderly parents I do feel particularly lonely. OH is a remaining child with not many in his family either.

I'm an only and have always been happy to be that way. My DP is also an only and also OK with it. Neither of us were ever lonely as we are both good at filling our time with many interests.

My sibling is 7 years older than me and I always felt like an older child (for example by the time I was 7, he was 14 out with friends not wanting to play dolls with me)
I would have preferred someone close in age. I was awfully lonely and I hated it.

My dp has 3 brothers, all 2 years apart in age.
His mum is extremely unwell (in a hospice) it's definitely helped them to have siblings, as there is more than 1 of them to sit with her, to get her shopping, for her to talk to. He would never have managed if it was just him for example

This describes the opposite of my childhood, i was v happy as an only though i was close to a cousin who's only 6 months older than me, so i had a kind of sibling relationship there. I'm an introvert & don't think i would've enjoyed being in a busy household. The only thing i disliked was the assumption that i was spoilt - i wasn't, my parents were pretty strict & after they divorced i lived with my mum and things were pretty tight.

What resonates about @ihearttc post is my situation now. My mum is 2 hours drive in one direction, my dad & stepmum 2 hours in the other. Neither had more children so i'm the only carer if things go tits up with them heathwise (already is with my mum). I'm a LP with 3 dcs still at home, so i have my hands full here. I sometimes wish i had a sibling to share the responsibility for my parents with, but then not all siblings get on, some move countries etc - i think tbh i'd find it harder if i HAD a sibling but they buggered off & left it all to me anyway 😄

Having cousins is no guarantee of having a good rapport either. I have loads of cousins and barely know them, we've only met a few times and that was years ago.

I grew up with three brothers and hated every bloody minute of it.