If you are an only child…

[Organictangerine]

Would you have preferred a sibling(s)?

No agenda here
I have an only myself at the moment
I have lots of siblings
Just interested to know the experiences of others

No I've never wanted one.

I had an only too.

Can't even imagine a family with more than one child.

I was an only for 9 years. Never felt like I was missing out. Whilst it is fine having a sister now, in reality we're not that close and realistically not sure we'll come together once parents get really old. She's fine, I dont dislike her, we're just not close and although in many ways we've done similar things, she doesnt confide in me and i dont confide in her

I was the only child in my generation. I hated it. By the time I was 40 there was nobody who remembered my childhood and almost everyone in the photos was dead.

As a child it felt like me vs adults all the time.
I have 2 children.

@PailOfOdo thanks for the response. Ahhh I hear of sisters having similar experience to what you have described! I'm a bit baffled to how that can be possible that you don't get along with your own sibling you have grown up with... I can understand some people feel they don't have much in common though!

I also wonder if there's a physiological link some where that people who are an only themselves often want to have bigger families a d view never to have an only themselves. Then people from bigger families end up with an only themselves!

I grew up as an only for many years. I wish very much there was someone else alive to share childhood memories with. Even if we didn't get on, at least there would be someone else who knew.

Only child here.. It didnt bother me much. My dc's love having each other around though, despite the slight age gap they get on like peas and carrots as my Mum would say. The things they come out with do make me laugh sometimes 😂😍

One of the things that now worries me is that when my parents die it'll all be on my shoulders.

Not at all. Obviously I don't know what I'm missing, but I'm very happy in my own company.

My son is an only too.

Only child of parents too wrapped up in each other to take much notice of me. DM fondly remembers me as quiet and could keep myself occupied on my own for hours…

Still tied to them aged 50 - both in poor health, both still too wrapped up in each other to notice their daughter has had to give up her life to make sure they can live theirs in the way they expect.

DH has a brother who moved away in his teens whilst DH stayed local to their parents. He considers himself an only child as well for all the help that his brother gave when their parents were ill. Brother was much quicker to contact him about his part of the inheritance though.

When I was young being an only child was not an issue. Had a perfectly happy childhood with many friends.

However, now I am in my fifties it is something that bothers me hugely. With parents/grandparents dead, with no siblings and hence no nieces or nephews and also being unable to have biological children of my own, I always feel alone. It is a huge issue for me that I am not genetically related to anyone else any more. There is no one who knows me as a child and no one I can do the "do you remembers" with. I feel a genetic freak not being connected to the human race.

Was myself until 12. Have a half sibling
that was worse. A big ridiculous age gap. Nothing in common and not from the same generation. No shared memories.
i had close cousins. But i recall being quite happy? And i kept all my toys nicely
i can also be alone for quite some time and read a book or potter - i think it comes from being an only child.
i only have 1 DC. I mayve had more if id been younger or richer.

I'm an only. Loved my childhood and never wanted siblings. My only child female friends are like my sisters ❤️. I appreciated things I was able to have because there was only one of me, too.

Equally, DP is the eldest of four and loved being part of a bunch and can't imagine being without them despite occasional dramas. They're all great. I can see the appeal/what I maybe missed in his family - first time ever- and I do concede that, but I still wouldn't swap the childhood I did have for it.

If you do one of those ancestry DNA tests, you'll find out you have thousands of relatives who share your DNA, if that make you feel any better 🙂

Yes. I would have liked someone to play with, and as I got older, someone who understands what it's like dealing with my parents!
I have 2 of my own at the moment and do wish I had a similar relationship as a child, when I see them playing together.

I'm an only and have never had any desire to have a sibling.

I'm an only. Doesn't bother me at all. Never longed for a sibling. Really couldn't care less about all this "shared memories" stuff.

This is the same for me too.

I’m an only child but have lots of cousins who lived nearby so was never a lonely child. I think it also made me very outgoing and able to chat to people and make friends.

I have 2 DCs who are very close - will say that they are each other’s best friend - and they have far fewer friendships than I did at their age as they don’t have to make the effort.

As an adult, I really wish I had a sibling when I see friends who are close to their sisters, help them raise their children etc. My mum, who is normally really fit and well, was quite poorly early this year and I got a taste of what it might be like to bear the emotional burden of caring for her by myself in years to come. DH is great with her but it’s not the same as having that shared family relationship.

There were lots of benefits to being an only child, more mature, better conversationalist, great at spending time alone and entertaining myself, a free spirit. But lots of downsides too, including no one to have shared memories with of my childhood now that I’m an adult. But most of my friends are fairly estranged or very indifferent towards their siblings so it’s hard to feel that I’ve missed out on much really.

Interesting thread. Lots of perfectly happy only children, and some who would have preferred siblings. I’m pretty sure that, had the question been ‘Do your siblings add value to your life?’ or ‘Were you happy as one of 3?’ there would be a similar balance of replies.

Which begs the question of why there remains a unique sense of stigma around only children. All possible permutations of family size, gender balance and age gaps have their own pros and cons, and yet the stereotype of the lonely, self-centred, socially dysfunctional only child persists.

Fwiw DP and I each have one sibling, who we’re not especially close to (mine emigrated), and no cousins to speak of. DD is also an only, mostly through choice and partly through circumstance. We are all perfectly happy and well adjusted.

I have a younger brother that I love to death, I'd literally give my life for him but growing up we were just two people who happened to live in the same house, I don't think I even noticed him for the majority of my childhood.! My DH has two siblings that he hasn't seen since he left home at 16 so he had no interest in large families. We have an 'only' teenage DS, he's a happy and sociable boy, has lots of friends and we're a close threesome so I don't feel that he's ever suffered or feel any guilt on his behalf.

My mum had me young but then struggled to become pregnant. When I was 5 we moved over to the US for 3 years. The type of visa that went with my dad's job meant my mum couldn't work. The stress free life must have agreed with her - I went out to the US as an only child and returned with 3 little brothers!!

I wanted an older brother. Once I figured out that wasn’t possible, hell no. My friends all had younger siblings and they were a pain!

These types of questions are pointless anyway as you'll get replies from people who hated being an only, and replies from people who were fine with it. Just the same as people who loved having siblings, and those who don't get on with their siblings.

At the end of the day every single person is different and will have different experiences. Decisions on how many children you should have need to be YOUR decisions.

I have only one child, and even if DS hated it and begged for a sibling (he doesn't but hypothetically) I still would not have another child. I could not cope with another child, not mentally and not financially. I'm the one that has to raise that child, not DS. It's my decision, not his.

Absolutely not. And I’m childfree.

Having a kid is for the parents own selfish reasons, trying to dress it up an some kind of altruistic act to ‘give’ an existing kid a sibling is just nonsense.