Page 4 | If you are an only child…

Organictangerine · 2022-05-14T21:22:41+00:00

Would you have preferred a sibling(s)? No agenda here I have an only myself at the moment I have lots of siblings Just interested to know the experiences of others

Disneyblueeyes · 15/05/2022 00:29

I may be flamed for this, but the fact there are so many pros and cons to having an only child/having more than one makes me question why most children have siblings. I'm a teacher and I can count on one hand how many children are only children out of a class of 32.

I honestly wonder if people really want a second child, or they just have a 2nd to give their first a sibling. Or they have more because it's 'normal'.

Both of which are not good enough reasons to have a child in my opinion. I know one person who had absolutely no money to support a 2nd, and didn't love their husband anymore, but freely admitted they still had a 2nd because they couldn't bear their little boy not having a sibling.

HarrietSchulenberg · 15/05/2022 00:34

I am an only child. I hated it and was very jealous of my cousins and friends as their families were all bigger than mine. My parents were entirely focused on me and it made me cautious about my decisions in adult life, eg I would have liked to have lived overseas but didn't feel I could as my Mum would have been heartbroken to lose me. It was bad enough when I left home to go to university. It was exacerbated by my parents dislike for eachother and I worked out as a teenager that they only stayed together for my sake, and they really should have separated years ago.

My parents are now in their 80s and are starting to need more care. There is only one of me and although at the moment they are claiming to cope, in a year or two they will certainly need more help and it will all fall to me.

I have 3 children as I wouldn't wish being an only child on anyone.

AledsiPad · 15/05/2022 00:46

As a child, yes I really wanted a sibling. As an adult now I’m grateful I don’t have a sibling who I don’t get along with but have to tolerate as many people seem to.

I had 4 DC because I hated being an only so much as a child… I don’t hate it so much now. I’m dreading being a sole cared for elderly parents though and, even more so, dreading being alone when they’re gone.

MoiraQueen · 15/05/2022 00:50

I'm an only child and have always been happy with that, I didn't have a lot as a child and a second child would have been a real struggle for my parents. My mum hated having a sibling, they are not close and she didn't want to inflict one on me. I've always been fine.
DD is an only, not by intention. She is lonely (but mainly because she struggles for friendships), she would have liked a sibling, although there is no guarantee she'd have got on with them and she very much likes her own space.

Notarealmum · 15/05/2022 01:04

Yes!! In the little fantasy world I inhabited in my lonely childhood I had siblings galore.

MadameFantabulosa · 15/05/2022 01:09

Yes. Not necessarily growing up but to help deal with my mother after my father’s death, and now, as she’s nearly 90. Not to help physically, but just to be someone I could vent to, and for mutual support. Her youngest brother is closer in age to me than her, and he helps a bit, but won’t go and see her, which would be a huge help.

MeridasMum · 15/05/2022 01:10

I hated being an only child. I was the only one in my primary school class with no siblings.

My parents never tried to 'make up for it'. We lived in an area with very few neighbourhood children, I don't have cousins, they didn't make friends with similar families, it was a lonely existence, especially in a house with domestic abuse.

It has affected me in so many ways: I struggle to make friends, be a good friend, deal with conflict. Plus I'm on my own in having to deal with really shitty parents.

Luckily, DH and I have created an incredibly happy family; my kids are all really close. I wish I'd had just a fraction of that growing up.

Willyoujustbequiet · 15/05/2022 01:15

I had a sibling, now I'm an only so have experienced both.

I feel desperately sorry for anyone who is an only. When your parents die you are alone, no shared family history or memories. It's truly gut wrenching.

louiseofthelakes · 15/05/2022 01:24

If you do one of those ancestry DNA tests, you'll find out you have thousands of relatives who share your DNA, if that make you feel any better 🙂

Thank you imaginary I have already done that but no one close unfortunately. Although I am a bit obsessed with researching distant relatives on my family tree which I put down to being alone.

Bromeliadh · 15/05/2022 01:29

Nah I wouldn’t want a sibling. I’d only have got half the money from my Dad’s house when he died and that wouldn’t have been enough to buy a property for myself. And my Mum would only do half as much stuff for me as she does now. I’d only get half as much money for Christmas. Better to have it all for myself.

Bromeliadh · 15/05/2022 01:41

I feel desperately sorry for anyone who is an only. When your parents die you are alone, no shared family history or memories. It's truly gut wrenching.
Depends if that bothers you I suppose. I’m not bothered about being the only surviving member of my family. Yes I’m the only person left with those memories. But I have lots of memories that only I possess. I’ve spent time at school and work alone, went on holiday alone. Spent time with my ex who’s now dead and other exes who I don’t see any more. I’m the only one who knows I was raped and abused. Lots of stuff that now only exists in my own memory, that my parents never shared or even knew about. And I have a 15 year shared family history with my husband and kids, so it’s not like I don’t have anyone alive who’s shared my life.

HeArInGhandsgirl11 · 15/05/2022 02:04

Only child here and my whole life all I wanted was a sibling.. still now I look at friends with siblings and feel jealous. I always knew I wanted more than one DC

Aquamarine1029 · 15/05/2022 02:13

I'm an only child, 49 years old, and I have never wanted a sibling. I had a brilliant childhood and I wouldn't change a thing. Being an only child is not what makes someone have a sad/lonely childhood.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/05/2022 02:15

Willyoujustbequiet · 15/05/2022 01:15

I had a sibling, now I'm an only so have experienced both.

I feel desperately sorry for anyone who is an only. When your parents die you are alone, no shared family history or memories. It's truly gut wrenching.

🙄

Save your pity, thank you very much. How absurd.

Cameleongirl · 15/05/2022 02:40

I’m an only and growing up I did slightly envy friends in larger families. Day to day it was fine, holidays with my parents could be abit lonely unless I met someone my own age.

Now I’m dealing with my remaining elderly parent, his health issues, etc. and it’s hard doing it on my own. But that’s mainly because of his awkward temperament. 😂 It would be nice to have a sibling to share this with, but oh well.

I”m not too worried about my shared family history, I have cousins and I’m not going to forget. I did want a slightly larger family myself and have two. They bicker but essentially get on OK, I can see them getting closer as they get older, they respect one another.

UniversalAunt · 15/05/2022 03:25

Swings & roundabouts.

When things were tough as a only child carer for elderly/demented parents, I yearned for someone as close to them to share the worries & burdens of care, as well as the sharing of everyday triumphs & downfalls. Yet I see friends with siblings carrying the load alone as I did, & lonely in the presence of siblings, so there are no guarantees. Swings & roundabouts.

I see friends with siblings who enjoy strong loving bonds that sustain & enhance their lives as I have friends are still fighting or playing out childhood grievances & hostilities as adults. Swings & roundabouts.

One thing is helpful, if possible, for only children is to spend time together to build childhood experiences & adventures with cousins. These bonds may last a lifetime full of shared memories & support with out the grist/grind of sibling relationships.

girljulian · 15/05/2022 03:31

I was an only child until I was five, which doesn’t sound a great age, but I remember being jealous when my parents announced they were having another baby, didn’t like the idea then and never warmed to it! I’d have preferred staying an only.

unicornpower · 15/05/2022 03:56

Yes I was desperate for a sibling, my parents were older and it could be quite lonely. They did their best but I know I’m faced with their old age on my own. I’m hoping to give my DD a sibling

brokengoalposts · 15/05/2022 04:17

My dad was an only child, he hated it. His parents had their own business and worked a lot, he spent a lot of time alone and holidays were always just him and one of his parents. He dreamt of 4 kids but my mum refused to have anymore after 2.

After his parents died, he doesn't get to talk about his childhood with anyone who understands, he'll tell us stories but we can't join in with him and although that isn't guaranteed, obviously, he'd have loved a sibling to reminisce with

TheTonEffect · 15/05/2022 04:54

Aquamarine1029 · 15/05/2022 02:15

🙄

Save your pity, thank you very much. How absurd.

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What a defensive reply. The poster is saying they've experienced both. It's a fair point anyway - I know an only who said when her parents die she'd have nothing left to live for. Obviously not the norm but that's how she feels.

NC10012 · 15/05/2022 05:43

I had 3 siblings. But my DP was an only child and said they really felt lonely and would have liked a sibling.

TedMullins · 15/05/2022 05:51

No, I’d have hated having a sibling. I’m not close to cousins either and have a tiny family but I’m fine with it, if anything I’m glad I don’t have the pressures and obligations people with bigger families seem to have. My parents have never placed any expectations on me. Couldn’t care less about “sharing memories” when my parents die or being the last surviving family member. I don’t want kids either.

MissChanandlerBong80 · 15/05/2022 05:58

Absolutely hated it, particularly as I got older - from about 9 onwards. All I wanted in the world was a sibling, well into my adult years. I relate to a lot of what’s written in this article:

theweek.com/articles/684148/im-only-child-ill-always-wish-wasnt-?amp

But it’s nice to see that lots of people on this thread have good experiences of being onlies.

PanettoneMoly · 15/05/2022 06:12

Only child, never wanted a sibling. Helped that my best friend as a child was an only too (we’ll youngest with a big age gap so her brother was 20-odd when she was a child).

On the rationale around having more than one child so they can share provision of care in old age, my dad had to look after both of his elderly parents alone as his sister was living aboard and then, when she moved back to the UK, lived at the other end of the country and visited every couple of months or so, so it doesn’t always work out exactly as planned.

SugarNspices · 15/05/2022 06:14

I've got lots of sisters and I loved it. When mum and dad where being "mean" (disciplining us really) it was a great comfort to have them cuddle and talk to each other. They do have easy going personalities generally and are down to earth we have similar sense of humours too. To be honest our parents where very strict with us in a lot of areas and it's good therapy to talk about and share it with them (at least we were treated the same though) This helps because we are able to still love them and have a fairly good relationship now. Having 4 sisters also means none of us have to have the parents full attention which suits us all fine and it be so much easier when they get very old. It really depends on circumstances and how close you where to you parents and siblings I think.