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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you are an only child…

188 replies

Organictangerine · 14/05/2022 22:22

Would you have preferred a sibling(s)?

No agenda here
I have an only myself at the moment
I have lots of siblings
Just interested to know the experiences of others

OP posts:
2ndBorn · 14/05/2022 22:40

Always wanted a sister. I still see sister relationships & wish I had them, I’ve always felt a bit lonely. Definitely would have loved a sibling / siblings especially close in age!

BobbinHood · 14/05/2022 22:40

Not quite what you asked but I have multiple siblings and am fairly confident I’d have preferred to be an only child.

RealBecca · 14/05/2022 22:44

I'm sort of both. Lived with a sibling until I was 10 and parents separated. Only child in the household after that.

Neither stand out. I remember us both playing and fighting as a young child and feeling like he was always the favourite. Typical whatever he did I should have known better as the eldest crap.

Being the only child as a teen was great as there was no annoying sibling around to deliberately wind me up and there were less arguments in the house.

As an adult I see him every few years, we get along but see each other because were family and not because we would pick each other as friends. Love him but he feels like a distant relative I'm fond of more than a close sibling. It suits us both.

MrsDeaconClaybourne · 14/05/2022 22:44

I was quite happy as an only as a child. Enjoyed my own company and not having to share stuff. As an adult I wish I had more family - not just siblings- I only have 1 aunt and uncle and 2 cousins. My grandparents died when I was young. I'd just like to have more people around me and that shared experience. I find it quite lonely. DH has a bigger family and I'm grateful to be part of that.

Roastonsun8 · 14/05/2022 22:44

I'm from a big family myself and I have an only. I feel a bit bad as this wasn't how I planned it but its how it's turned out... I think it's unlikely I will have anymore as DS is now 7.

I wonder about him as an adult and that aspect bothers me as I know he will make friends. Friends are not siblings though... there's no guarantees but you've gotta be in it to win it and all of that. I think the real plus I get is I know DS has a good life but still I would of liked 1 more and DS has said to me its not fair and why doesn't he have siblings! He would of made a fab brother...

thegreylady · 14/05/2022 22:45

Yes I would have loved a sibling. I used to tell stories about my imaginary sister ( lies) until I was about 12. I vowed never to have an ‘only’ myself.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 14/05/2022 22:46

I'm an only child and while I went through a phase of wanting a sibling, I'm glad I'm an only now ☺️

DH on the other hand has four siblings and although we all live in the same town, they barely speak and he's not seen his oldest sister in over a decade even though she only lives round the corner Grin

SomersetONeil · 14/05/2022 22:46

chisanunian · 14/05/2022 22:24

Impossible to say, because I've never had one, so I wouldn't know whether I'd prefer it or not.

FFS. The OP is asking for opinions from people with experience.

prettylittlethingss · 14/05/2022 22:47

Always hated being an only child. I remember most of my childhood being very lonely and surrounded by adults. Nobody to play with. Now I'm sad I'll never be an auntie!

kimfox · 14/05/2022 22:48

I wished I had siblings because my DParents were fucking dysfunctional. Would have been great to have some other kids share the burden, but then again, the grass is always greener and all that - what if the imaginary siblings had been even more psycho than the parents?!

QueenCamilla · 14/05/2022 22:49

I'm a twin. There was nothing special about it. We live in different countries now and don't really communicate.

Wavygravy1 · 14/05/2022 22:49

Yes. I also still wish I had a sibling as I get older as I worry about dealing with my mum getting older. I have 3 children.

Roastonsun8 · 14/05/2022 22:51

QueenCamilla · 14/05/2022 22:49

I'm a twin. There was nothing special about it. We live in different countries now and don't really communicate.

Interesting I never hear anyone speak about a twin point of view. Most twins I know are super close and together a lot. Did you not get on as kids?

AlphaAlpha · 14/05/2022 22:51

I consider myself an only but I do have a sibling who is severely disabled.
I felt very isolated growing up but that was because of our family constraints due to the sibling with disabilities.

I have an only child, they will remain an only child. They are loved completely, have lots of friends but not much family, especially their own age.

Family is what you make it, not numbers.

Roastonsun8 · 14/05/2022 22:54

Family is what you make it, not numbers.

I don't agree with this. When you have siblings your more likely to have more cousins. Siblings are no guarantee of having a good rapport no, but I'm best friends with one of my cousins.

TheDogsMother · 14/05/2022 22:56

I'm an only and don't really miss what I've never had. I am very happy in my own company even as an adult.

Testina · 14/05/2022 22:57

My mid teens only child has both perspectives due to a close in age step sibling via dad’s remarriage. My own stepsons we’re always adults to her so don’t count.

She says she can see the pros and cons of both, but no pro is so strong that she actually dislikes either situation.

I think personality confounds the impact. She’s happy go lucky and not the type to ruminate on what she doesn’t have. She’s pretty extrovert but that’s fulfilled by having a houseful of friends visiting - she’s rather seen them than her stepsister. (normal for a full sibling!) She’s also very happy in her own company (or rather the company of TikTok!).

She would tell you, they’re different, they’re both good.

QueenCamilla · 14/05/2022 22:58

Roastonsun8 · 14/05/2022 22:51

Interesting I never hear anyone speak about a twin point of view. Most twins I know are super close and together a lot. Did you not get on as kids?

Show quote history

We look very, very similar even though he's my brother!
We shared a bunk bed and the room, we were in the same class, went to the same college.. But our personalities are quite different and that stops the closeness.

As a kid I remember being annoyed by his early-bird ways! 😂

BobbinHood · 14/05/2022 22:59

Roastonsun8 · 14/05/2022 22:54

Family is what you make it, not numbers.

I don't agree with this. When you have siblings your more likely to have more cousins. Siblings are no guarantee of having a good rapport no, but I'm best friends with one of my cousins.

Surely it’s your parents who need to have siblings for you to have cousins, not yourself.

GrandTheftWalrus · 14/05/2022 23:02

I'm an only child. I always wanted a sibling but my mum couldn't have anymore after me.

I thought DD(5) was going to be an only child until I unexpectedly fell pregnant in 2020. And now her wee sister is 1 tomorrow. They get on as well as can expected for the age gap.

PailOfOdo · 14/05/2022 23:03

Roastonsun8 · 14/05/2022 22:51

Interesting I never hear anyone speak about a twin point of view. Most twins I know are super close and together a lot. Did you not get on as kids?

Show quote history

I'm not who you asked but I'm also a twin and, excepting a few occasions, my sister and I have never gotten along. She was extremely difficult to live with, took up almost the entirety of DM's time and attention, and made for a very tense situation at home. I'd have been far happier as an only child.

Roastonsun8 · 14/05/2022 23:04

@BobbinHood true. My point is though I didn't agree with you..

ButtockUp · 14/05/2022 23:04

I'm an only child, born in the 60s.
I had a step sister who had suffered massive brain damage in the 50s and who lived in 'an institution.'

I really wanted a sibling to share my pain of being my dad's bitterness and drunkenness as well as having to cope with his fists.

She died when I was 6.

Now in my late 50s I have an aged, frail mum , 200 miles away.
It's all on me and I'm finding it really difficult.

I wouldn't wish being an only child on my worst enemy.

Pl242 · 14/05/2022 23:04

I’m kind of an only. Sibling died when I was very young so most of my childhood and then adulthood as just me and my parents. Don’t think I suffered in an only dynamic (living in bereaved family another matter). Lots of positives re parent attention/money. I’m quite independent and sure that’s been influenced by being an only. Both good at going out and making friends but being able to be happily alone. But I still feel a bit outnumbered at times (know it’s always a word used re parents being outnumbered by their kids but it does work the other way round) and a bit lonely in a small family with ageing parents. I really wanted to have more than one child. I have two. To me it was really important to give them a sibling. Possibly more because I miss my sibling so much rather than finding being an only so bad. But obviously no guarantee that siblings will have a good relationship. But I don’t judge people for the size of their families. It’s a completely personal decision and is often circumstantial too.

Quornflakegirl · 14/05/2022 23:04

Dh loved being an only child, I loved having 3 sisters. You love what you’re used to.