Expected to share a hotel room with a colleague

[Mauhhq]

We have our annual company work conference abroad in July for 4 nights, and everyone in the company is expected to share a hotel room with a colleague, I know they do it to cut costs and for team building reasons, but I am feeling extremely uncomfortable about room sharing.

I am an introvert and need time to unwind and recharge my battery in my own space. I suffer from insomnia especially in a new environment. I also have my own bedtime and morning routines that I don’t want others to know, it would make me feel uncomfortable going to the bathroom.

Everyone can pick their roommates, the worst part is - all the female colleagues in my team have found their roommates and paired up apart from me, the head of the department and two new starters I have never met.

There is a 50/50 chance that I will either share with the head of the department, she is a nice person, however it means I will always have to be in the “work mode” 24/7, I prefer keeping a professional distance rather than getting to know her at a personal level. Or I might share with a new starter who is a complete stranger.

I could find an excuse not to go, but there is a lot of pressure from my manager and everyone else I know is going and no one has dropped out. No one has complained but a lot of people in my team are very young in their 20s.

What would you do?

It’s not about ‘staying in our comfort zones’.

it’s about companies doing this stuff with no concern for the dignity of their employees or the problems it causes for people with a whole range of circumstances.

They run these things because they feel they benefit as companies in some way. If they can’t afford to give everyone their own room, they can’t afford this kind of event. They can do it closer to home instead.

It isn't trans friendly either, to pick a current favourite. Imagine if you're in the living as a woman, living as a man stage. Binding breasts daily, special underwear to tuck your bits into etc, shaving 3 times a day... Looks like a constructive dismissal situation in formation there.

I have always done a lot of travel with work since I joined the workforce in 1992. Only once was their ever a suggestion of sharing a room, this was very early on, in 1992 I think, and a conference hotel had a shortage of rooms so a few of us new graduates were asked if we would mind sharing. I think some of us might have agreed at that point but it didn’t happen, because some more senior staff said it was absolutely outrageous that anyone should be asked to share, we are not children at camp.

So no. No ifs or buts, no covid or snoring excuses. I would be telling my work that they either find and fund me my own room or I shall not be there.

We had a work do last week where we were told that we were sharing rooms. It is only an hour from where I live so I said I would drive home afterwards rather than share a room. A room was suddenly found for me.

Good point. And it forces someone to choose what gender they identify as which they might not be ready to share.

Only time I've ever been expected to share a room for work was the courses for new graduates when I was early 20s, the managers that came with us got their own rooms.

And as a veteran of many work trips - never shared rooms - sharing with sober colleagues would have been one thing. Absolutely wouldn't have shared after a night out.

I wouldn't be going unless a solution could be found. I think you might be surprised and find there are others who won't go either

The three companies I worked for that I had to go away for didn't once mention that I would have to share a room with anyone.

An en suite room for each of us was booked for the number of people on the course, no sharesies required, thank goodness.

OMG that is horrific! I’m an extrovert and I would hate that! I need my own space, I don’t want a colleague to hear me farting in bed or snoring.

Pay for your own room! Tell them you have IBS or sleep apnoea or sleepwalking or night terrors or insomnia or anything. You have to get out of this, it’s totally unreasonable.

I once worked somewhere that expected us to share, because 'there weren't enough rooms' in the venue they'd booked. Yeah, right.

In the end, there were enough 20-somethings who were willing to share with each other, but no way in hell would I have gone had they not found a single room for me. As it stands, the attitude of forcing a grown adult with a hidden disability to share with a random colleague was so ridiculous that it prompted me to look for another job.

I'm not a bloody student. If you want me to travel, the least you can do is find me a room to myself.

When conferences first started being mandatory DH told everyone on his team that his snoring was as loud as a chainsaw and he had to pee 4-5 times a night, so he felt sorry for the guy chosen as his roommate. Each one of them went to the boss and flatly refused to share a room with him. It actually ended up changing the shared rooms policy for the govt entity he worked for. But it was a small team and normally only 4-5 of them went to the conferences.

The snoring bit was true, but what he didn't tell them was that he used a CPAP.

This is the seventh circle of hell, an introvert's nightmare on so many levels.

If you cannot pluck up the courage to say 'no' and need to preserve your employment at the company, then needs must. This is something I would not do and dislike others who do so but on the occasion, it is possible I will suddenly fall ill the night before and be able to go.

... unable to go

My insomnia means I have to go to the bathroom quite a few times during the night, I don’t want to to wake my colleague up either which isn’t fair on them.

You're being very understanding @Mauhhq Especially considering that you'll be working 24 hours a day for 4 days, away from family, hobbies etc.

I do a lot of travel (well in the Before Times) to conferences etc which are like this. But I generally only share a room with a close friend, or have a single room. And I can choose whether or not to attend a conference.

It sounds as though your employer thinks they are giving you a big treat - working in an expensive resort hotel. But you are pointing out that it's NOT a treat. It sounds as though you do need to be there - to be the only one not there could put you at a disadvantage.

Can you speak to a manager about your health issues - really big them up, and in a way which suggests they are serious? - and say you wouldn't want to inflict this on others. Then be brazen about doing exactly what you need to do in your morning & night routines? ie be very self-centred even though that doesn't sound like your character to be so! Warn your room-mate - maybe try to suggest that they may not wish to share with you.

Good luck - it's a difficult situation for you to navigate, particularly when everyone else seems to be regarding it as "fun."

I would feel like you OP.
It sounds to me like they are not appreciating how their employees tick, the diversity of personality types necessarily to make a good team etc. I think this significantly breaches normal personal boundaries between colleagues. I'd refuse.

OP, is the person who suggested sharing rooms very young by any chance. It is not considered a huge imposition for a 20-something but a flat no-no for an older adult.

The thought of having to attend a annual work conference abroad for 4 nights is already a huge imposition. Maybe a young person will like the travel but at my age I am so over it. If I had to share a room on top of that, I am properly kicking off.

I’d probably find an excuse not to go as suggested by a lot of you - thank you

Sorry - meant to add why isn't there an edit function?? could you explain your health situation as an issue, that yo think it will be difficult both for you to manage and for a colleague to deal with, and put the ball firmly in your manager's court? Make it THEIR problem. And one you have warned them about.

I cannot believe that this is happening in 2022 or anytime in the recent past either!

Nope, not sharing with any work colleague EVER. I'm sure they feel the same way too. We spend enough time in each other's space during work hours.

You just have to say NO. Do not feign illness, let them know how awkward it is having to share with a colleague. As for the cost of a single room, well that's their problem. If cost is such an issue why go abroad to this fancy place in the middle of nowhere!

At a push, if they insist that you pay the difference between sharing and single rate I would say OK, deduct it from my salary at £2 a week or whatever until it's paid off. No other arrangement will suit my circumstances at the moment. Jesus what are they like?

This 100%.

There is no consideration of diversity and privacy needs.

You’re entitled to privacy and dignity. Also at a work trip and you don’t have to agree with one of your coworkers seeing private parts of your life such as sleeping, toilet habits, etc. I would certainly not agree to this. And I wouldn’t offer to pay for my own private room. It’s not your problem that they want to save costs, not at the expense of your privacy.

I had to share a room for 6 weeks after graduating on site of the job I was doing. I had to share with my female supervisor who had no qualms about rubbing out a rather vigorous orgasm through the night / early morning in the next bed. It was awful and awkward and my male bosses thought it was some kind of girly fantasy dream barbie sleepover crap going on. I left that industry after that job

That’s horrible @StinkyWizzleteets and could easily have been qualified as a form of sexual harassment. Made possible by company policy of sharing rooms to save cost. A very stupid policy that can land them in legal trouble.

OP, your employer is a cheapskate.

They want to be able to say they sent their employees to a 4-day work conference in a swish location but are doing it at the expense of their employee's comfort, privacy and personal needs because they cannot afford it.

And then putting you in the awkward position of having to explain yourself and give away personal information about yourself in doing so which you should not have to as it has nothing to do with your ability to do your job and everything to do with their unreasonable rooming arrangements. Who on earth thought this would ever be acceptable.

All fur coat and no knickers.

I am quite angry on your behalf.

Arrrgh that's one of the worst things I've read on here! Why didn't you report her and refuse to share a room again?