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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Expected to share a hotel room with a colleague

265 replies

Mauhhq · 14/05/2022 09:52

We have our annual company work conference abroad in July for 4 nights, and everyone in the company is expected to share a hotel room with a colleague, I know they do it to cut costs and for team building reasons, but I am feeling extremely uncomfortable about room sharing.

I am an introvert and need time to unwind and recharge my battery in my own space. I suffer from insomnia especially in a new environment. I also have my own bedtime and morning routines that I don’t want others to know, it would make me feel uncomfortable going to the bathroom.

Everyone can pick their roommates, the worst part is - all the female colleagues in my team have found their roommates and paired up apart from me, the head of the department and two new starters I have never met.

There is a 50/50 chance that I will either share with the head of the department, she is a nice person, however it means I will always have to be in the “work mode” 24/7, I prefer keeping a professional distance rather than getting to know her at a personal level. Or I might share with a new starter who is a complete stranger.

I could find an excuse not to go, but there is a lot of pressure from my manager and everyone else I know is going and no one has dropped out. No one has complained but a lot of people in my team are very young in their 20s.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Robinni · 14/05/2022 12:30

I think if you have that much of an issue and can’t financially afford your room then don’t go.

I don’t really see the issue over phoning husband…. There will be periods of time when you and colleague aren’t in the room together. And can you really not handle a few days without in-depth conversations? Do you need him for emotional support to work or something? Nytol is available for insomnia and quite effective.

Shuttlesandspinners · 14/05/2022 12:32

This is a really amusing thread considering the hard line ‘it’s tough, they have to get on with it’ attitude you always get on threads about children sharing rooms with kids they don’t know on school trips.

Sylfia · 14/05/2022 12:32

Just tell them the small portion of the truth that's needed - you have severe insomnia and won't get enough sleep to function if required to share a room. There's no need to bring in anxiety, phone calls home, your own space or winding down rituals. That's none of their business and offers space for suggestions/ discussion.

Insomnia, can't share - ball in their court. Don't dream of paying.

Robinni · 14/05/2022 12:36

Sylfia · 14/05/2022 12:32

Just tell them the small portion of the truth that's needed - you have severe insomnia and won't get enough sleep to function if required to share a room. There's no need to bring in anxiety, phone calls home, your own space or winding down rituals. That's none of their business and offers space for suggestions/ discussion.

Insomnia, can't share - ball in their court. Don't dream of paying.

Agree with this entirely - present them with a clear cut medical issue that needs to be accommodated or you don’t go.

Leave out all the rituals/anxiety/husband phoning stuff.

gunnersgold · 14/05/2022 12:36

I had to do this once when I was 19, it was so awkward . Sharing toilets etc was just gross with a stranger . Also I snore so that was probably very annoying for her too! 🙄🙄

DeanStockwelllsBunny · 14/05/2022 12:37

I wonder if the company are making people share to try to prevent any night time shenanigans between male and female staff ? Though apparently shenanigans between female - female staff and male - male staff would be ok.
Anyway as I said up thread a big no from me !

Sylfia · 14/05/2022 12:37

And if you're currently managing the insomnia, don't start / increase medication to get through an unreasonable requirement like this.

Catshaveiteasy · 14/05/2022 12:38

I'm older than a lot of my colleagues and like my own space, but if I couldn't pay for my own room, I'd just put up with it to be honest. You can always go for a walk to phone your partner. I'd take my kindle / download tv programmes to my phone and use headphones to get some me time in the room.

However I have never been put in this position and always had my own room at work events, so I do sympathise. What do your other colleagues think of it?

Blossomtoes · 14/05/2022 12:39

Smartiepants79 · 14/05/2022 09:54

Well you have to suck it up for a couple of days or offer to pay the extra for your own room.
I wouldn’t say you’re not going, I doubt that would look good to your bosses.

This. I personally would pay because I know I snore.

EmilyBolton · 14/05/2022 12:40

FredaFox · 14/05/2022 12:11

I can't believe how shocked some of you are, sharing rooms has been the norm the last 3 places I've worked, I didn't think it was unusual though I do get peoples anxiety

You’ve worked for shit companies with a lack of ethics then. Choose your jobs more wisely.

Handyweatherstation · 14/05/2022 12:40

Its not just sharing a 'room', you're being asked to share a bedroom and that's not on.

JacquelineCarlyle · 14/05/2022 12:41

I would tell them no - they can either get you a single room or you can't go. Make it their choice / decision as you're a willing participant but not willing to share a bedroom.

Sylfia · 14/05/2022 12:42

Boss will probably be delighted to have an excuse not to share herself. An adult conversation about insomnia won't make anyone half reasonable resent you. They can afford one extra room - there'll be plenty of unplanned expenses. They wouldn't be going abroad if things are that tight.

EmilyBolton · 14/05/2022 12:43

Shuttlesandspinners · 14/05/2022 12:32

This is a really amusing thread considering the hard line ‘it’s tough, they have to get on with it’ attitude you always get on threads about children sharing rooms with kids they don’t know on school trips.

Well I always had a lot of anxiety about that on school trips. Part of reasons that since I became an adult I refuse to. The difference is that young children generally don’t have the same issues as adults around privacy needs as long as sharing with same sex.

jamdonut · 14/05/2022 12:44

I went on a ( primary) school residential to London and had to share with three other colleagues in a youth hostel!😏

Musingsofthemind · 14/05/2022 12:44

At our annual conference, we are expected to share rooms - Only two people from each store go and this usually means the two people they share. The only reason they don't is if they are separate sexes.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 14/05/2022 12:45

I would refuse to share a room with anyone. Id just not go

ImInStealthMode · 14/05/2022 12:46

I'd be willing to share with some of my colleagues for one or two nights, and have done on occasion, but not just any colleague and not for 4 nights. Agree with PPs, negotiate your own room or decline.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 14/05/2022 12:48

When I had to do this, I told them that I snore like a pig and it's not fair on anybody having to share with me. It's not far off the truth, too.

I got a single room.

godmum56 · 14/05/2022 12:51

I would plain old not do this full stop.

MajorCarolDanvers · 14/05/2022 12:53

It's really poor HR practice to do this. It's not good on inclusion grounds or safeguarding.

At the very least the should offer the option of a single room for those who for whatever reason aren't comfortable sharing.

Stravaig · 14/05/2022 12:55

Don't make it easy for them. It's not a room. It's a bedroom. They are expecting work colleagues to share a bedroom. Suddenly the wtfuckery is clear.

EmilyBolton · 14/05/2022 12:55

Musingsofthemind · 14/05/2022 12:44

At our annual conference, we are expected to share rooms - Only two people from each store go and this usually means the two people they share. The only reason they don't is if they are separate sexes.

In terms of “expected” is it specifically in your contract? If not, they’re doing it cos they know people are not saying no, becuase you’re “expected”. You’re all complicit in this. If a few people start refusing and saying it is unrasnalble and a gross intrusion on privacy they’ll find difficulty in getting people to the conference and will have to change policy. They do it because they can get away with it. It is extremely poor practice and I’d think leaves them wide open for negating insurance in terms of claims of bullying or harassment from loose tongued room “mates”.
Say no- not without you being able to protect your privacy. You work for them. You’re not married to them.

ToletPoster · 14/05/2022 12:56

I have to say, the amount of people who are saying that they would suck it up or pay for their own room is telling.
I wouldn't be comfortable being unconscious in a room for 8 hours with someone simply because we both managed to make it through a recruitment process.
Employment is not a favour. Companies employ you because they believe you bring them more money than you cost them. You don't have to prostrate yourself for them.

crosstalk · 14/05/2022 13:04

Can you discreetly find out what the arrangements are for top management -are they sharing? and whether there are any single rooms still available at the hotel?

"Team bonding" is a ridiculous reason for demanding you share. What bonding are you supposed to be doing as you go to bed if not sleeping, sorting out sharing the loo/shower arrangements and who likes windows open/closed or lights out?

Just say for personal reasons (which you don't have to explain) you can't share.