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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Expected to share a hotel room with a colleague

265 replies

Mauhhq · 14/05/2022 09:52

We have our annual company work conference abroad in July for 4 nights, and everyone in the company is expected to share a hotel room with a colleague, I know they do it to cut costs and for team building reasons, but I am feeling extremely uncomfortable about room sharing.

I am an introvert and need time to unwind and recharge my battery in my own space. I suffer from insomnia especially in a new environment. I also have my own bedtime and morning routines that I don’t want others to know, it would make me feel uncomfortable going to the bathroom.

Everyone can pick their roommates, the worst part is - all the female colleagues in my team have found their roommates and paired up apart from me, the head of the department and two new starters I have never met.

There is a 50/50 chance that I will either share with the head of the department, she is a nice person, however it means I will always have to be in the “work mode” 24/7, I prefer keeping a professional distance rather than getting to know her at a personal level. Or I might share with a new starter who is a complete stranger.

I could find an excuse not to go, but there is a lot of pressure from my manager and everyone else I know is going and no one has dropped out. No one has complained but a lot of people in my team are very young in their 20s.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Vaccinebeliever · 14/05/2022 18:10

I organised a trip like this for my work years ago (not ideal for anyone but the venue has only so many rooms) and a colleague came to see me privately to say they have specific medical needs that require them to have a single room and I never questioned it. I think it was something like a chronic skin condition that involved creams that need to air dry morning and night. They got a single room and no one else noticed.

RincewindsHat · 14/05/2022 18:12

Just explain that you are a terrible snorer, nothing you can do about it, it's so bad nobody sleeping in the same room as you will get any sleep, so you need your own room. I've done that at work events before. It also happens to be true, but no reason you can't use it :)

user75 · 14/05/2022 18:18

When this happened to me I just said "I don't share" and eventually after much nonsense I was allocated and given a small single room. It was ideal. Do not compromise, they are being unreasonable. I said I had medical needs and had to use my room to do my physiotherapy and apply a medication to my body and let it dry. I hope that you get sorted.

tigger1001 · 14/05/2022 18:19

HandshakesInTheHamptons · 14/05/2022 10:26

No way would I share a room with a work colleague. I also wouldn’t pay for my own room, I don’t understand anyone thinking that’s an acceptable option for a work event. The company would have to either pay for me to have my own room or accept I wouldn’t be attending.

Absolutely this!

If I didn't have my own room, I wouldn't be going.

WallaceinAnderland · 14/05/2022 18:45

The more you post OP, the more I would definitely just no go. It sounds hideous.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 14/05/2022 18:47

I'm not particularly introverted but the thought of sharing rooms with colleagues genuinely fills me with horror. I want to be able to wind down, strip down to my undies and fart with gay abandon as I watch TikToks on my hotel bed* not be on my best behaviour.

I would either say I need a single room or I'm not going, and I would be clear it's because as a grown woman who doesn't know these people well (nor want to get to know them; we're colleagues not mates) I will not share with a relative stranger.

*This is literally what I did on a business trip the other week.

DogsAndGin · 14/05/2022 18:48

Oooh god no. Not the career for me!

Thethreecs · 14/05/2022 19:13

Oh this happened to me many years ago when I worked. I was early 20s and at the time felt horrified at the thought of sharing with a stranger. The way they worked it because so many were going from different Countries was put all the males names in a box, all females names in a box, and paired us that way. Everyone that travelled with me from my Country was male so I couldn't even just swap.

In the end the woman I got was lovely, she was older and probably felt like getting sick having to share with me, a party animal in my 20s who thought going to bed before 4am was too early. When I think of it now 😳😳😳 the poor woman.

The worst thing was, when I got into the room as I was first, there was just a double bed and sofa bed, I thought I'd been given my own room but it was a case of either sharing the bed with her or making up the sofa bed, thank god I told her to take the bed. I'm mortified when I think how I came and went during the night while she was trying to sleep.

If I had to do it now, I wouldn't. You'll find people do mind but haven't said anything, you haven't said anything yet so maybe be the 1st? More may follow.

If you're going to use a medical issue then make sure they are aware of this as early as you can. Is the trip vital? If not I'd probably make an excuse not to go.

RishiRich · 14/05/2022 19:35

I'd tell your HR BP that due to medical reasons you can't share a room and ask for a single. You can back it up with a note from the GP if needed.

SolasAnla · 14/05/2022 19:43

SpindleInTheWind · 14/05/2022 13:34

@SolasAnla I hope you don't mind me asking, but I've read your post at 11.52 twice and I don't understand it. I wonder if you could explain it a bit more? (It may be the way that my brain's operating today.)

@SpindleInTheWind no worries my post was a little cryptic.

Its her CEO, then her, as Number 2, in the chain of command. She is going to be on
the second
highest salary /
highest bonus /
highest share plan/ highest pension plan /
highest level of allowable business expenses /
Etc
and if she is not then she is stupid and would not be very good at her job. Some of the payment is performance related and as an overall saving on "Other Staff costs" there is a management gain when compaired against a similar company who pay to accomadated their staff properly. That's a nice perk for her CV.

Room sharing as a "staff exercise" is designed to break down the barrier between work time and personal time.

Look at all the posters who think that the OP should pay from her wages, a business expenses which is incurred on behalf of her employer.
=》 That she should pay her employer to work.

As Number 2 in the organisation, she decided to authorise a work event. It is on her, she could have said "no that staff event is not happening that way" instead she signs off on it as the staff training policy.

It halved the accommodation bill for any off-site staff training and will be sold as a perk, HR will have a blurb about investing in "people". In reality the translation is that staff should be "at work" while in their hotel rooms doing "team building" in their respectable work appropiate nightwear.

So the staff work 24hrs work for 7.5hrs pay. But part of her remuneration has built in element of out of hours work, and staff management, she is being paid to attend as part of her job. The other lower grades ( eg the junior employee (JE) ) are not sharing their personal time and sleeping space by choice, it's a work obligation.

She has decided that she will not follow the staff policy that she approved.

She goes to the hotel and gets 2 keys.
•One for her private, against company policy, living space.
•One for the shared company approved living space.

She goes and unpacks her personal items and then leaves her room with a suitcase and a number of items she packed specifically for placement into the shared room. That is pre-planed dishonesty.

She will use her key to enter that shared room at will. Her JE has no control over that and JE first lesson is on "MEta building" is that JE can't put the security chain on the door, even before JE goes to sleep.

She pops in to rearranged the props she placed in the room to create an illusion that she was "living" in it. The JE is not stupid JE will be aware that the 2nd in control of the company, who approved the team building exercise of sharing a room^, is not sleeping or washing in the room. Yet she is entering the room outside of work hours.

So either
•she is sleeping with someone she "should not" be sleeping with or
•she is sleeping somewhere she should not be sleeping.
Neither of which should ever be the problem of the JE. And this could be avoided by her telling the JE that she booked her own room, and would team build at breakfast or dinner.
But the JE is not in good position to object to JE employer's dishonesty because if the JE did, the JE would have to complain directly to the CEO and risk JE's job.

The breach of the policy and process says that there is one rule for the junior staff and different unwritten one for management.

BetsyBigNose · 14/05/2022 20:02

I'm yet another person for whom this would be utterly hellish, @Mauhhq . I would absolutely approach your Manager and insist on having a room to yourself. I am another insomniac, and am often to be found wandering the house during the night, making toast, watching TV, reading etc. and just generally being annoying if anyone (other than my sleeps-like-the-dead-and-can't-be-woken-easily DH) is trying to sleep. Do come back and let us know what the organisation are able to arrange for you - I'd hate to wonder if you've been forced into just going along with their plans. I hope it's reassuring that so many of us feel the same as you and that it might give you the confidence to approach the issue with management - good luck!

badspella · 15/05/2022 07:45

I shared a room with two colleagues when we took a group of students on a UK holiday (just two nights, fortunately). We were all older women, but I felt very uncomfortable. Despite getting on well with my colleagues, I don't think any of us relaxed properly, and this could have impacted on our ability to do our jobs properly (all students were SEN). I never went on such trips again.

OniferousWasp · 15/05/2022 07:47

toomuchlaundry · 14/05/2022 09:56

I would pay for my own room or not go

This for me too.

id hate to share a room with a stranger!

theobligatorynamechange · 15/05/2022 23:28

Vaccinebeliever · 14/05/2022 18:10

I organised a trip like this for my work years ago (not ideal for anyone but the venue has only so many rooms) and a colleague came to see me privately to say they have specific medical needs that require them to have a single room and I never questioned it. I think it was something like a chronic skin condition that involved creams that need to air dry morning and night. They got a single room and no one else noticed.

Maybe no one noticed, but is it fair that your colleague had to out themselves to you? That's what happens when people share rooms. People with hidden disabilities have no choice but to reveal things they would rather not.

Gonnabegrandma · 15/05/2022 23:58

Gosh I would hate to have to share a room with a work colleague . Maybe say you have sleep apnea and need to use a Cpap m machine at night ( I have one and my husband says they are noisy )

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