Expected to share a hotel room with a colleague

[Mauhhq]

We have our annual company work conference abroad in July for 4 nights, and everyone in the company is expected to share a hotel room with a colleague, I know they do it to cut costs and for team building reasons, but I am feeling extremely uncomfortable about room sharing.

I am an introvert and need time to unwind and recharge my battery in my own space. I suffer from insomnia especially in a new environment. I also have my own bedtime and morning routines that I don’t want others to know, it would make me feel uncomfortable going to the bathroom.

Everyone can pick their roommates, the worst part is - all the female colleagues in my team have found their roommates and paired up apart from me, the head of the department and two new starters I have never met.

There is a 50/50 chance that I will either share with the head of the department, she is a nice person, however it means I will always have to be in the “work mode” 24/7, I prefer keeping a professional distance rather than getting to know her at a personal level. Or I might share with a new starter who is a complete stranger.

I could find an excuse not to go, but there is a lot of pressure from my manager and everyone else I know is going and no one has dropped out. No one has complained but a lot of people in my team are very young in their 20s.

What would you do?

I would already not be happy with the nights away for "team-building" reasons. I spend enough time at work and making arrangements for my pets is a huge hassle.

But no way would I also share a room on those evenings I'd be giving up for reasons that are not important for my job.

I'd tell them no and only tell them the reason if they asked.

How are you going to team build when you're asleep?

I wouldn't and I would tell the company so and I wouldn't make jo any medical excuse which could be used against me in the future or be gossiped about.

'I don't want to share.

^This. All you people offering to pay the extra are race to the bottom gits making it worse for everyone.

If I’m expected to go on a school residential, then I expect the same consideration that’s given to our CEO. My own room with my own shower and toilet facilities. There is no way I’m going to be out of pocket either.

I'm going on a school trip next week and sharing a tent with two other members of staff for two nights, so this wouldn't bother me in the slightest 😂

But if you're not comfortable with it (and I can quite understand that most people wouldn't be), tell them you won't be going unless you have your own room. I'm pretty sure they can't force you.

It’s indeed an introvert’s nightmares - not to mention we will also have breakfast, lunch and dinner together, all the fun “social after work activities” in the evening that everyone is supposed to attend, and you cannot even hide in the bedroom by yourself.

I don’t yet have a best friend at work, I feel like going back to school again having to “fit in” and worry about who to sit with at lunch, even if I just want to eat by myself. There is zero downtime.

All the 20-somethings in my team have found a roommate, the men who haven’t found a roommate are 30 plus as well. Not surprised.

I travelled to another city for training to find not only was I supposed to share a room with another employee but it was a double bed

Good lord! That is outrageous @orangeisthenewpuce And then having to pay for yourself ...

Fucking hell what a nightmare. And so unnecessary

Refuse to go, dont find an excuse, say you're not going, you need your own room and it either needs to be paid for or you dont go

Although as you say all the other activities are a nightmare too. I honestly dont know what goes through people's mind when they arrange shit like this. Has someone been on some training course or do they need to evidence in a portfolio that they've facilitated some team building stuff for a qualification they're doing or something?

Either way, thats not your problem to indulge

Mind you, I bet if you kicked up a stink about the room sharing , loads of people would sigh relief and feel like they could also say they dont want to do that

I would absolutely hate this, and not to be overly dramatic, the stress of no downtime would make me ill. It would totally run me down. Introverts need time to recharge.

DH is gregarious and great socially but always comes back from these work events feeling run down and invariably will develop a cold sore. It’s the relentless socialising, v little downtime (he always has his own room but doesn’t get to spend any time relaxing, its simply to sleep), he is an outgoing introvert and desperately requires time away from people to regroup, gather his thoughts and recharge. I’m the same but thankfully, my firm don’t hold pointless events like this.

I think you have every right to request a single room. Tell them you have insomnia, and tell them you are an introvert and need downtime alone. It’s so bloody tight of your employers to expect grown adults to share rooms, its not a school trip.

Most work related threads on Mumsnet have me (inwardly) rolling me eyes when the OP complains about the most minor of minor trivia and a chorus of supportive posters say ‘is it in your contract?’ And encourage the OP to behave in such a way that would likely damage the OP’s work position.

But here - dear god no. Jist no way would I share a room on a work event, still less with my line manager

OP, you are not on a school trip, you can inform your company that you will not be sharing a room for privacy reasons you don't want to elaborate on. Do that in writing. You don't have to share a room, it is simply ridiculous for non related adults

.......... I'm picturing routines involving something from Ann Summers.......😉

This is brilliant 🤣

I do feel for you, OP. I would absolutely hate that.

I really don't see how they get away with making you share rooms. Asking for people to volunteer is one thing but making it compulsory is quite another.

I can imagine it being rather embarrassing for staff with eg hidden disabilities.

Good idea!

I would absolutely never have agreed to share. It would be my worst nightmare too. I agree with those saying that you tell them that for personal reasons you are unable to share a bedroom, and therefore if single rooms are not made available you will unfortunately not be able to come. No further info. I would not make up a medical condition etc, don't disclose anything more than "personal reasons".

All the 20-somethings in my team have found a roommate, the men who haven’t found a roommate are 30 plus as well. Not surprised.

20-somethings are not long out of university, and are used to having no personal space and sharing flats with people who are, initially, relative strangers, and not having much time away from people, and partying late at night regardless of being together all day. It's not a surprise that they would be more likely to be OK with it.

I'd hate it, and wouldn't go.

Please don’t lie and make up a medical reason! Just tell them the truth.

Hideous. I would hate this. I’d tell them that I sleep walk and sleep talk and won’t be able to relax about this in order to get a good sleep.

Embarrassment, youth and naivety. It was my first proper job and my wanker supervisor was a bit of a hippy who didn’t see it as an issue. As an adult now I recognise it as totally inappropriate but I was so stupidly naive and young I just pretended it didn’t happen.

I can probably think of hundreds of reasons, medical and otherwise, why someone would not be able to share a room. Including your reasons. And mine, which would be acute embarrassment and resultant insomnia. But others may be, for example: OCD rituals, a colostomy bag, sleep apnoea/CPAP machine, eating disorder, PTSD, medication schedule, not wanting people to know your teeth are dentures, night terrors, fear of the dark... NONE of which are the business of your colleagues or your employer...

Why is the company arranging a trip abroad if they can’t afford to do it properly?
Say no to sharing, and offer to pay the difference for your own room. I’m surprised that any of your colleagues are happy to share with each other.

Personally this wouldn’t bother me, but I understand it would for loads of people.

I’d have a private word and email your Boss. Simply say you have a medical issue which means you really wouldn’t be comfortable sharing and need privacy. Leave it at that.

Dont offer to pay. If they want people to go, they need to accommodate people and no-one should be out of pocket. If they can’t accommodate you, you can’t go. It’s their choice. Easy.

Everyone will also take the same bus to the airport, take the same flights together and spend the entire week sleeping and eating at the same resort, just like a school trip, so I will be with colleagues 24/7.

This is the seventh circle of hell, an introvert's nightmare on so many levels.

Oh you can't imagine, in my job we actually do this 5-6 times per year, for up to 3 weeks at a time

I'm an orchestral musician and this is how we tour. You can't opt out of shared transfers, flights (a lot of the time they're chartered so no allocated seating and you spend the 3/6/15 hours of the flight having random colleagues walk up to your seat for a quick chat when all you want is to sleep...), you can avoid breakfast though - and go hungry or pay for your own outside of the hotel. Then we all work together all day. Fortunately we don't tend to share rooms once out of youth/training orchestras, thank goodness.

Most of us grew up very isolated and are naturally introverted - eg hours spent in the practice room from the age of 8, very small social circle at school etc. But you're then thrown into this forced socialising as soon as you start residentials or youth tours and it doesn't stop throughout your life, especially if you land a big orchestra. I hate socialising and somehow have had to learn to enjoy tours - I love them now! - because 3/4 months of your year can't be taken up being miserable whilst thousands of miles away from your home and family. It's definitely not for everybody.