Expected to share a hotel room with a colleague

[Mauhhq]

We have our annual company work conference abroad in July for 4 nights, and everyone in the company is expected to share a hotel room with a colleague, I know they do it to cut costs and for team building reasons, but I am feeling extremely uncomfortable about room sharing.

I am an introvert and need time to unwind and recharge my battery in my own space. I suffer from insomnia especially in a new environment. I also have my own bedtime and morning routines that I don’t want others to know, it would make me feel uncomfortable going to the bathroom.

Everyone can pick their roommates, the worst part is - all the female colleagues in my team have found their roommates and paired up apart from me, the head of the department and two new starters I have never met.

There is a 50/50 chance that I will either share with the head of the department, she is a nice person, however it means I will always have to be in the “work mode” 24/7, I prefer keeping a professional distance rather than getting to know her at a personal level. Or I might share with a new starter who is a complete stranger.

I could find an excuse not to go, but there is a lot of pressure from my manager and everyone else I know is going and no one has dropped out. No one has complained but a lot of people in my team are very young in their 20s.

What would you do?

Making up a pretend medical reason is also a great idea

It really isn't; there are enough people lying already to get out of something they don't want to do, and it's hardly helpful or fair those who genuinely suffer

Just tell them you're not able to share a room - no need to give details about something so personal - and maybe offer to pay the difference between what a share would have cost them and your own private room (but not the whole amount)
If that still doesn't suit you can then say you'll fully understand if they'd rather you didn't go

Everyone will also take the same bus to the airport, take the same flights together and spend the entire week sleeping and eating at the same resort, just like a school trip, so I will be with colleagues 24/7.

My God.

I couldn’t handle this personally and as part of a tech team full of happy introverts, I suspect my workplace would be facing a mass rebellion if they tried to do that to us. We’ve only just started attending the Christmas parties.

I bet the sales team would be right up for it though…

I'd have been ok with this in my twenties, but definitely not now in my 50s unless it was someone I knew well. Even then a trip away is meant to be a bit of a jolly and sharing with a colleague makes it awkward and not fun.
I'd keep saying No OP. I doubt you're the only one. Many blokes don't like sharing rooms either - DH would avoid it like the plague.

Thanks everyone for your replies, the company I work for has over a thousand employees, so far I don’t know anyone who isn’t going to the conference, if I don’t go then I will be the only one in my department that is not going.

it’s not in my employment contract but it’s more a social pressure thing.

I am surprised that one else in the company has said no to room sharing, or maybe people are just sucking it up or staying silent, some people are probably fine with it given a lot of them have paired up and found roommates.

My insomnia means I have to go to the bathroom quite a few times during the night, I don’t want to to wake my colleague up either which isn’t fair on them.

I will ask if they can give me a single room or just politely decline.

Those saying they are expected to share or that’s the way it is, that’s because no one has pushed back. Push back! It’s a totally unreasonable request.

They can always schedule things offsite in your home town if they want to do team building stuff without being distracted, at least then people can go home at night.

Given that they are flying everyone to another location, the cost issue excuse is laughable.

Cross posted, @Mauhhq that sounds like a good plan. I bet when it comes down to it there are others who won’t/can’t attend either. They just stay quiet.

That's really very tight of your work to make you all share rooms.
I would insist on my own room.

I would mention your Insomnia and frequent night time bathroom visits OP, just so they know you're not being deliberately awkward but it's just not an option to share.

Great - good luck and hope they'll be sensible.

It’s bloody ridiculous to expect you to share a room! I certainly wouldn’t

@SolasAnla I hope you don't mind me asking, but I've read your post at 11.52 twice and I don't understand it. I wonder if you could explain it a bit more? (It may be the way that my brain's operating today.)

That’s interesting - I actually work in a tech team and we are supposed to be a bunch of introverts, and it seems like I am the only person who feels uncomfortable about this room sharing idea.

There will also be lots of all-night parties in the evenings after the conference - Personally don’t like partying, I would rather just chill in my own bedroom, but not with a boss or a stranger in the bedroom at the same time.

Completely antiquated. I have seen similar types of clauses in expenses policies and have advised clients to take them out as they can be indirectly discriminatory on grounds of religion or belief and disability. They also force staff to potentially share highly sensitive personal data. Just tell them you require your own room, give no reasons why.

Years ago I got chewed out by my boss for taking a single room on a leisure trip our parent company organised - she expected our local business to show willingness to save money by turning down their offer and doubling up. No regrets. The main event was a half marathon and I’d not have been able to wallow in the bath for hours afterwards if I was sharing - much needed as someone who had done no training.

I’ve also have OCD and I wouldn’t want to ‘come out’ about it and expose my weird and wonderful rituals to colleagues.

It’s work not a school trip, it’s not reasonable for adults to share and I’d say no, and have in the past.

😂🤣

That’s just a dreadful management decision. If they can’t afford to pay for everyone to have their own room, they can’t afford to run the event.

They risk being indirectly discriminatory with this stuff.

Sadly this is quite a tech thing. Google do it among others.

I would inform HR you suffer from a sleep disorder (say night tremors if pushed) and sharing a room is hard on the other person and makes the issue worse. Even if they won’t accommodate, it makes pulling out easier if needed.

YANBU

I'd be adamant 'I will not share a room'.

You could ask but I very much doubt you'll be given your own room without medical evidence for needing one.
If you were given one then what's to stop the rest of your colleagues requesting their own rooms too? - and there's no way they'd pay double.
Very likely if there's a lot of you that the hotel won't have space for you to book separate to the group booking either or there will be some policy that stops you.

room sharing was expected as part of the team building process

Cost saving makes some sense, but this reason REALLY pisses me off. I’ve been on team building events in the past and the aim of bringing people together was amply achieved through activities and shared meals. Absolutely no need to enforce 24-hour companionship, and I think everyone enjoyed retreating to their own rooms after a busy day.

Anxiety, IBS, introversion, insomnia, OCD, snoring and more - not fun and upbeat, but part of life unfortunately. It’s like these companies have decided to pretend anything that might be a bit of a downer doesn’t exist and people should be a-ok with no personal space or privacy. As someone with a couple of the above, I’d be uncomfortable sharing, and frankly I don’t want to be on the receiving end of the effects of someone else’s medical issues either.

I must be in the minority then. It wouldn't bother me. In fact, I've done it. We really have become too picky and too nice in our demands and insist on staying in our comfort zones. Much easier to not play and find excuses, than to have to try and get along with someone else, isn't it? Buy a sleep mask and earplugs and warn everyone else who might be your roomy to do the same. It's not long, for goodness sake!

But if you don't like it then you have two choices. Go or don't go. If you don't go, then you must come up with an explanation why. If you do go then you have to have your own room, which means offering to pay. Don't expect anyone else to be out of pocket because of you.
Either way, you might care to suggest to your firm that it would be more professional for everyone to have their own room in future.

It wouldn't bother me either, but there are plenty of people with conditions - including insomnia - which make this difficult. It's not a virtue to put up with everything demanded of you at the expense of your health - more trouble for everyone in the long run.

Hell would freeze over before I'd agree to sharing a hotel room with any of my colleagues... sharing oxygen in the office for a few hours is more than enough.
I'd need my own room or I wouldn't be going... and tbh I would only go if it was absolutely mandatory, if I was getting paid extra for every single "enforced" minute with my colleagues outside of my contracted working hours, and if every single expense was paid for. No way would I put myself out of pocket for this and no way would I willingly spend my personal time with my colleagues unless I was being paid to do it. They're colleagues - not my friends. I don't do any social events with them and even an away-day is a painful experience I'd rather avoid.

Also, the moment anyone mentions "team building" you know for a fact that it's going to be some excruciating nonsense that no one remotely enjoys - and the only way it can be considered team building is because by the end of it everyone is close to mutiny! Same as the annoying people delivering presentations at conferences who insist on some stupid "ice breaker" exercise! Shut the hell up - show me your boring slides, I'll sit here pretending to listen, knocking back coffee to stop myself sliding into a coma... I'll make the most of the free lunch... and then we can hopefully be done before we all lose the will to live!

As an introvert this is my idea of absolute hell. I would pay for my own room, or play along, say nothing and then have a strategic eleventh hour illness.

I think on balance the latter actually. The whole thing sounds an absolute nightmare, even with your own room to retreat to.