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Original poster

Expected to share a hotel room with a colleague

265 replies

Mauhhq · 14/05/2022 09:52

We have our annual company work conference abroad in July for 4 nights, and everyone in the company is expected to share a hotel room with a colleague, I know they do it to cut costs and for team building reasons, but I am feeling extremely uncomfortable about room sharing.

I am an introvert and need time to unwind and recharge my battery in my own space. I suffer from insomnia especially in a new environment. I also have my own bedtime and morning routines that I don’t want others to know, it would make me feel uncomfortable going to the bathroom.

Everyone can pick their roommates, the worst part is - all the female colleagues in my team have found their roommates and paired up apart from me, the head of the department and two new starters I have never met.

There is a 50/50 chance that I will either share with the head of the department, she is a nice person, however it means I will always have to be in the “work mode” 24/7, I prefer keeping a professional distance rather than getting to know her at a personal level. Or I might share with a new starter who is a complete stranger.

I could find an excuse not to go, but there is a lot of pressure from my manager and everyone else I know is going and no one has dropped out. No one has complained but a lot of people in my team are very young in their 20s.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Mybestyear · 14/05/2022 11:25

RosesAndHellebores · 14/05/2022 11:22

@Mybestyear Grin How quiet morphed into epidural I shall never know!

@RosesAndHellebores thanks for the update. I was cleaning my bathroom and all I could think of was “what word would autocorrect to epidural?” 🤣🤣🤣

Littlegoth · 14/05/2022 11:25

@CapMarvel I would expect an employment contract to specify conditions relating to travel as part of your employment, such as conferences, site visits and training. Think it’s more unusual if they don’t!

As room sharing is unusual I would expect it to be in there.

what job do you do, maybe I can tell you how to do it?

2pinkginsplease · 14/05/2022 11:26

I wouldn’t be sharing a room with a work colleague. I’d ask for a single room.

for me I don’t sleep great as I’m up and out of bed 2 or 3 times a night so would disturb the other person which isn’t fair,

Gwenhwyfar · 14/05/2022 11:30

"As room sharing is unusual I would expect it to be in there."

I've never seen details like that in a contract.

SolasAnla · 14/05/2022 11:31

orangeisthenewpuce · 14/05/2022 10:25

I travelled to another city for training to find not only was I supposed to share a room with another employee but it was a double bed. I refused and had to pay for my own room.

Your job left its self open to a sexual harrassment claim.

The cost of your room would not even cover the initial solicitors consultation fee.

OuiWeeOui · 14/05/2022 11:31

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 14/05/2022 11:20

A friend of mine had this recently. She worked for a very trendy, tech firm and room sharing was expected as part of the team building process. As the number 2 in the company she was expected to lead by example.

she got round it by agreeing to share with a younger colleague (who must have been dreading it) and then privately booking her own room in the hotel. She then unpacked in her own room and left her suitcase and a few bits and bobs in the shared room. She slept and abluted in her own room and just popped in and out of the shared room a couple of times a day to move things about and chat to her roomie.

As the no2 in the company she should find her voice and tell them how shit it is and not have double standards

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 14/05/2022 11:31

Sharing a room was standard for work conferences when I worked in industry, for big companies too. It allowed the budget to stretch to nicer hotels I suppose and everyone shared, obviously same sex, regardless of level. It was a little awkward at first but a good opportunity to get to know people.
If it really upsets you pay for a single.

GreatOak · 14/05/2022 11:33

Awful isn’t it, I sympathise OP.

I have been in this situation: I did share a room with a colleague once, it was horribly awkward and uncomfortable; next time I emailed my manager and said I would rather not attend if I couldn’t have a room to myself. I explained, truthfully, that I have strict privacy boundaries between my personal and work life and I was not prepared to cross them over to this extent. I had my own room always after that.

Tbh it’s something I was far less concerned about in my 20s but, now in my 40s, I am “too old for this shit”!

Tanfastic · 14/05/2022 11:35

I wouldn't like it either. I could possibly endure it with who I consider to be my two closest colleagues at a push but any of the others nope.

I'd do what everyone else is suggesting and pay for my own room.

knowinglesseveryday · 14/05/2022 11:37

I think I'd manage. That said, I also think it reflects really poorly on organisations if they offer gorgeous suites to top managers and cruddy spaces and shared rooms to others. It's a message, and most staff are aware of what that says in terms of true values.

Melroses · 14/05/2022 11:38

I have done this with a social group - mainly to keep costs down and to have a wider choice of hotels. Usually there are enough single rooms for those that need them.

The first person was lovely, but woke me up at 6.30am to see if I needed the loo before she had a bath. We managed to sort that out and she had her bath and I slept then she made me a cup of tea 👍 then she went to breakfast and I had the bathroom. We got on really well.

Unfortunately she became seriously ill so didn't got the next time and I ended up with an elderly buddist artist who did pilates and meditation first thing and left me no room for privacy for the loo coz she didn't think it was a big deal..... so next time, I managed to pair up with a friend who liked swimming first thing and was better at negotiating, which turned out to be a good thing as we were stuck in a hotel in a heat wave with no air conditioning.
The last time we were planning to go away, I was trying to avoid sharing with lovely friend who is up at sparrow fart and is notorious for accidentally misreading the alarm clock and putting the kettle on at 5am. I decided to take DH as a helper Grin but covid intervened.

Honestly, I love these people, we have a common interest and choose to spend our spare time together, but there is no way I would do this with work colleagues.

Clymene - what a grim experience 😱🤮

BluebellField · 14/05/2022 11:41

Ugh. I feel your discomfort.

It's very unfair for them to try and implement this. It should have been presented as something that the company would like you all to do for money saving and bonding reasons but there is the option to have your own room.

If I was you, I would either suck it up and share with one of these people. Or tell your boss that you need your own room. I wouldn't pull out without giving the reason why as they need to know that not everyone is comfortable with this arrangement.

Original poster
Mauhhq · 14/05/2022 11:43

Thanks for everyone’s replies, much appreciated.

I cannot afford to pay for a single room for 4 nights due to my personal financial situations, also the resort they are staying at is very expensive and in the middle of nowhere (so I cannot find an alternative cheaper hotel nearby), I don’t know the country well and speak the language either.

Also after a long day, the least I want to be able to do is to make phone calls to my hubby in my room without anyone listening to my conversations, the manager is European and can make phone calls in their language that I don’t understand, whereas she will understand everything I am saying, there is no privacy at all.

Everyone will also take the same bus to the airport, take the same flights together and spend the entire week sleeping and eating at the same resort, just like a school trip, so I will be with colleagues 24/7.

I’d probably find an excuse not to go as suggested by a lot of you - thank you

OP posts:
Piglet89 · 14/05/2022 11:43

We used to have to do this for courses back in 1980's - but only if you were under 25. After that you got your own room.

Blatant age discrimination, nowadays.

ToletPoster · 14/05/2022 11:44

I just wouldn't go. That's a ridiculous expectation for a 9-5 office job.
I would have thought it's not smart for the company, from a legal perspective.

Buildingthefuture · 14/05/2022 11:45

I’ve travelled with work for almost 20 years, for a few different companies and have never, ever been expected to share a room with a work colleague. I wouldn’t do it, end of. Pay for your own room and if they say no to that, then I honestly wouldn’t go. But then I am a bit weird like that. The only person I will ever share a room with is DH. When I travel with friends I’m the only one that pays for my own room but I really need my space…..

sopsmum · 14/05/2022 11:45

This is shit and I have no idea why employees put up with it. Why the hell should you be locked in a room overnight with a colleague. In your own free time. That you are not being paid for. Under the notion of "team building". Fuck that shit.

Seraphinesupport · 14/05/2022 11:48

i used to lie that due to sleeping problems i couldnt share a room with anyone.

Cervinia · 14/05/2022 11:48

Personally, I don't think it is unacceptable to say to management that you are not prepared to share a room, end of. You are already committing to spending far more time with colleagues than you would be expected to during a normal day and not getting paid for those extra hours, and they also want you to share your sleeping, bathing and toileting habits with a colleague?

Fuck no.

Cappuccino17 · 14/05/2022 11:50

Yeah I'd book my own room so I can relax which is far more important to me than spending a little extra money.

ChaToilLeam · 14/05/2022 11:51

Hard no from me. It’s one thing if going on a social jolly, like when we went hiking in the Alps (completely optional) but quite another if it’s a professional situation. I’m a chronic insomniac, cannot sleep if there is a snorer in the room, and I absolutely need my privacy. The company is being completely unreasonable.

ChaToilLeam · 14/05/2022 11:51

And you should not have to pay for a room, that is ridiculous.

rnsaslkih · 14/05/2022 11:52

I’d ask for your own room (their cost).

they’ll still save loads of money as most are sharing.

tell them you are not able to go unless you can have the privacy of your own room.

SolasAnla · 14/05/2022 11:52

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 14/05/2022 11:20

A friend of mine had this recently. She worked for a very trendy, tech firm and room sharing was expected as part of the team building process. As the number 2 in the company she was expected to lead by example.

she got round it by agreeing to share with a younger colleague (who must have been dreading it) and then privately booking her own room in the hotel. She then unpacked in her own room and left her suitcase and a few bits and bobs in the shared room. She slept and abluted in her own room and just popped in and out of the shared room a couple of times a day to move things about and chat to her roomie.

So she took advantage of the economic gain the company made by halfing their business cost. Nice profit taking at the expense of the workers.

She also took advantage of her economic position and high status role to avoid the economic disadvantage the junior collegue had to endure with her manager popping in to maintain the illusion of "Just One of the Team".

Thats was a grim dishonest business pratice.

EmilyBolton · 14/05/2022 11:53

Ffs..what kind of fresh hell is this.
Check your contract to see if you’ve signed up to this ridiculous request . If not specifically in your contract that you will be required to share a room while travelling, just refuse to go. Tough. Send a clear message that it isn’t up for negotiations- your own room or you’ll just dial in to sessions from home. They can’t fire or hold it against you as you are not contracted to do that.

you are not kids or teenagers doing a sleepover. It might be team building but it is still work and not a social event. No one will sleep properly in those conditions so it is not productive to work. So they are using the “good for team building” as an excuse to cut costs and not protect your personal time and space when you are travelling. Call them out if they put more pressure on you after you say no. Say if they’re expecting people to share a room they’re Still “working” during the night as well, and why then aren’t they paying overtime during the night. They can’t have it both ways.

all of those who have offered to pay for private room out of their own pocket need their heads examined. Would you choose to have gone and stayed there of your own choice for fun of it? Nope..you’re there because it is required by employer for WORK. Since when is it ok to have to pay to go to work!

it is a gross infringement on your privacy - you are entitled to your privacy when not working. I am a poor sleeper, a light sleeper, I’m often awake from 2am to 4:30am with light on. I had , during my working life, all the menopausal symptoms like hot flushes and needing to throw bed covers off and strip off. A significant majority of people will also have their own sleep issues. And then there’s getting dressed, drying hair , makeup etc…no one watches me do that . And as many people say here sharing a bathroom with a colleague is potentially humiliating. The whole sharing spaces leaves people wide open to being shamed or made fun off by loose tongued room mate - or bullying. Highly inappropriate. It is, for those with issues like menopause , sleep apnea etc discriminatory , as it basically makes it impossible for you to attend.

With any self respecting company you would always be given facilities and expenses to provide equivalent conditions to your home circumstances when travelling for work. A private bedroom, a private bathroom, evening meal and breakfast (lunch usually you’d have to take at work anyway so not always provided free) and access to things like wifi, tea/coffee. Without that a company is taking the piss and emotionally blackmailing or bullying staff to not kick up a fuss. I sent a lot of time travelling for work all over the world, I’ve stayed at some pretty grotty and basic places, always had to go for cheapest option. A lot of times single bed. I’m ok with that (unless it is actually dirty) but no one would have dared suggest sharing to save cost.

FFS I’m due to stay with an old school friend at her mums in a few weeks. I shared rooms with her when we were kids at sleepovers etc but neither of them would dream of asking me to share a room with her as an adult . I’d have politely declined the invite in those circumstances. I’m not a child anymore and don’t do pyjama parties . Never enjoyed them anyway as a child/ teen.