Expected to share a hotel room with a colleague

[Mauhhq]

We have our annual company work conference abroad in July for 4 nights, and everyone in the company is expected to share a hotel room with a colleague, I know they do it to cut costs and for team building reasons, but I am feeling extremely uncomfortable about room sharing.

I am an introvert and need time to unwind and recharge my battery in my own space. I suffer from insomnia especially in a new environment. I also have my own bedtime and morning routines that I don’t want others to know, it would make me feel uncomfortable going to the bathroom.

Everyone can pick their roommates, the worst part is - all the female colleagues in my team have found their roommates and paired up apart from me, the head of the department and two new starters I have never met.

There is a 50/50 chance that I will either share with the head of the department, she is a nice person, however it means I will always have to be in the “work mode” 24/7, I prefer keeping a professional distance rather than getting to know her at a personal level. Or I might share with a new starter who is a complete stranger.

I could find an excuse not to go, but there is a lot of pressure from my manager and everyone else I know is going and no one has dropped out. No one has complained but a lot of people in my team are very young in their 20s.

What would you do?

Definately don't offer to pay extra. Why should you be spending your own money when the company is too tight to give people their own space? If they can afford to fly people to a conference and put them up for 4 nights they can afford to give people their own rooms.

I would loathe this, not least because I snore so would be very worried about keeping a colleague awake and being embarrassed by that so I'd definitely pay for a single room if at all possible.

Otherwise I'd be ill on the day and bugger any consequences about how I am seen, as that is how much I'd absolutely hate sharing a bedroom with a colleague

The whole 'cutting costs' thing is ludicrous when they're flying you to a different country.

I thought those kind of big jollies were over now anyway after Covid and with companies trying to get to net zero. Very old fashioned.

Just say no. Do not explain.

I've done this and it made zip difference to promotion. And yes, I was pressured after making it plain.

FFS you're an adult and you get to say who you share a room with.

You have no obligation to go abroad and it won't 'look bad' if you don't. What if you don't have a passport? What if you have children to care for? Surely not everyone can go away for almost a week at the drop of a hat.

Just say no. The more people that do, the better really.

God that sounds horrendous!

Just say no, it doesn’t work for you. It’s an unrealistic expectation for any number of reasons. Ask what their alternative arrangements are.

Make it their problem not yours. And whatever you do, don’t be making apologies when you discuss it with them. They have caused the situation, not you!

I had a similar thing not so long ago- I said at the outset that I was only going if I had a single room. They thought I was joking, I wasn't. When it became apparent a few days before the trip that I was down to share a room, I reitereated that I was not sharing a room, and would happy to withdraw if they wanted to find someone else to go. They made a single room available. Lots of muttering about fairness etc, but that's not my problem. If other people are OK with sharing, that's up to them. For me it was a deal breaker.
I really don't think you should be offering to pay for a single room yourself, that's acknowledging that you are asking for something that you are not entitled to. It's not the same as paying extra for eg a room upgrade.
If they want you there, they can pay for suitable, appropriate accommodation.

I would (and have) shared with a colleague - but I was in my 20s, we were friends outside work and anyone willing to share was upgraded to a suite.
Now I'm in my 50s, this would be a flat no. I dont share on trips with friends and there is not a chance in hell I would share with a colleague.
Whether I would offer to pay myself to have my own room would depend on keen I was to go on the work trip.

OMG
I hope you claimed it back

I'd keep the peace and have a quiet epidural with your head of department to explain you sugger from anxiety and private space outside work is one of the ways you manage it. I would offer to pay more to have a single room if necessary. Your HoD will probably be so relieved she'll offer to go halves or if all the rooms are taken will book herself an air bnb and charge it to the company.

👆this!! Why the need to go abroad? Is it a big global company that chose a different country every year so “everyone” has to travel? My friend does this but always has her own room - at least she did pre covid. They now just meet in their own countries and do some stuff face to face and some online with colleagues in other countries.

Fuck. That. Shit.

I’d pay for my own room.

You don't need an excuse. I'd just tell my manager that I don't share rooms and needed my own or I wouldn't attend. If I really wanted to be there I'd book my own room and tell him/her that's what I'd done.

Fair point. It really is unprofessional of them & unacceptable for anyone of any age to be expected to share. Maybe nobody has ever even challenged them before or queried it & they’ve managed to get away with it till now. It does makes them sound as though their HR policies are not the most progressive.

@RosesAndHellebores - v interested to know what a quiet epidural is?? I can’t work out the autocorrect - could this be a new game to rival wordle?? 😁

"I can't imagine anyone suggesting this where I work."

I have worked somewhere where it was done and other places where it would never happen.
I agree she shouldn't have to pay for her own room. I personally might agree to just pay the difference between half a twin room and a single room.

Dear Boss
There are two options here;
I don’t share a room or,
I don’t go.
Pick one and let me know.

A friend of mine had this recently. She worked for a very trendy, tech firm and room sharing was expected as part of the team building process. As the number 2 in the company she was expected to lead by example.

she got round it by agreeing to share with a younger colleague (who must have been dreading it) and then privately booking her own room in the hotel. She then unpacked in her own room and left her suitcase and a few bits and bobs in the shared room. She slept and abluted in her own room and just popped in and out of the shared room a couple of times a day to move things about and chat to her roomie.

Yep, as a few people have said, just book your own room, or tell them you've got covid 2 days before. No way in hell would I be sharing a room with anyone other than my DH, or DC, or immediate close family.

"You have no obligation to go abroad and it won't 'look bad' if you don't. What if you don't have a passport? What if you have children to care for?"

Depends if travel is part of the job. In that case you couldn't use 'don't have a passport' as an excuse.

@Mybestyear How quiet morphed into epidural I shall never know!

Or even word!

This is good advice.

Your employer demanding you share a room with a work colleague is simply not reasonable and is treating you all like children.

I don’t believe the cost saving excuse either - the costs of the conference will be tax deductible, so unless they’re not making enough profit to pay much tax, a double room vs a single room costs them nothing surely?

I certainly would not offer to pay extra for a single room - it’s a work event, you shouldn’t have to pay for it!

Have done many conferences with many different companies and never been asked to share a room. If they’re that tight they shouldn’t be having a conference at all.

I would rather drink a vat of piss than share a room with a colleague. I would pay extra or not go.

YADNU

I won't even share a room with my own mother.