Which part of this is enjoyable then, folks?

[Whichpart]

Hey

which part of this is enjoyable? I am sick of hearing ‘enjoy every second’ ‘ they’re only young once’ ‘ don’t wish it away’ etc…

So which part of this am I meant to be enjoying?

the scramming?
the screaming?
the crying/whining?
the constant illnesses from nursery?
the shit?
the piss on the floor 20 seconds after they run away with no nappy?
the going to sleep at ten and waking every hour until they’re back up for the day at 5?
the 4am poo explosion?
the hair pulling?
the fighting with each other over toys?
the battles at bedtime?
the struggle to get them changed as they wriggle around and try to escape?
the fingers up my nose?
the grabbing my nipple as they try and climb me?

whoch part of this is everyone enjoying and looking back wishing they still had it?

AIBU to say that people either didn’t experience this absolute shit show OR their brain has forgotten it so that the species can continue pro creating??

“Women aren’t required to enjoy every second of parenting or else give their children up for adoption.”

Exactly!

Those women who claim to love dealing with screaming and cleaning up shit are lying and really fucking over the sister hood. They’re shoring up the patriarchy but that’s about it!

Get a reality check Ladies!

Haha definitely not a perfect mother! Definitely don’t enjoy every minute but what’s the point in moaning about it forever more so that your kids do eventually pick up on that? Is it a competition to see who hates motherhood the most these days? If you enjoy it you get shamed into being a “perfect mum”. When that’s not true is it as there’s no such thing.

@LuckySantangelo35

Agreed, my kids would have severely irritated me if they played with my hair when i didn’t want them too or shoved their fingers up my nose. Kids with few boundaries are annoying as fuck let’s be honest!!!

Now THAT would make me hate motherhood.

I think small DC are hard work .And I say this as a Mum of two ,and an ex Nursery School Teacher .If you are working FT as well then its hard . I was thinking how lovely small DC were ,When I heard an ear splitting scream at the Shopping Centre . Unmistakably a toddler tantrum! Not so lovely .Of course you love your DC ,its OK to own up and highlight the issues as well!

After your long list in your OP you said

whoch part of this is everyone enjoying and looking back wishing they still had it?

So* *the thread is people responding to that bit. Not the long list, obviously.

Then you have sounded quite irritated in your responses. Which is probably the sleep deprivation.

why have children at all

I didn't enjoy toddler years that much, no. But they told me technology was not advanced enough to be able to give birth to a 6yo. Might sting a bit too..

Oh get over yourself. We can love our children while also admitting they're pain in the butts or that this (insert annoying,stressful etc moment here) is shit and not enjoyable.

Talking so callously about abandoning children and adoption says a lot about you.

It is relentless, even more so when you don’t have hardly any or no family support.

I yearned what ex SIL had, her parents retired in their 50’s, their parents were still alive and fit in their 70’s, she also had a sister who helped out too, so lots of help PLUS she lived at that time with DBIL who lived next door to PIL who helped out all of the time - that makes a HUGE difference imo.

I felt very isolated, my DM still worked full time, PIL too busy helping out DBIL so when DH went to work it was just me and the baby! It was bloody hard work, colic & relux etc, it really did make us decide that we weren’t ready to go through all of that again, my age played a part in that too.

Suggesting posters are 'dim' for posting an alternative view that isn't all doom and gloom does not exactly demonstrate great intelligence! No one has suggested that it is all plain sailing but I didn't and don't see my kids as my adversaries, resenting their habits and characteristics that due to their age they have no control over! You are a grown up, they are not and I stand by what I say, in this scenario you get what you expect, you expect it to be shit so this is what you are getting back from then, try to be more positive, even if they are crying, that's what babies/toddlers/children do. I have a teenager and he is out late, we are worrying about him as he hasn't returned when he said, we have had to go looking for him as his phone has died and I knew he didn't have a jacket jumper and it was down to 5 degrees outside. Last weekend he went to London without telling us, it is not exactly always easy but you accept stuff and you find the positives, i'm proud he booked an exhibition and we have a laugh together loads he has intelligent, kind friends. I'm lucky that he does well at school, he is socially confident and he is amazing but with the worry he put us through I could be angry and rolling my eyes about terrible teens. It is outlook and how you perceive things! It has nothing to do with misogyny as people expect parents/main carers to have reasonable expectations of children as they are that not adults! Plus, like another poster said, they are just platitudes, making conversation. They are hardly going to say how shit it is for you at this time.

I know a parent that doesn't stop moaning about the characteristics of his child who is 8. I think in all honesty he seems to think he has the only 8 year old who is challenging, they are not even challenging, they are just kids and his outlook definitely affects his stress levels more than it has to, I have a similar aged child who has similar demands, things like not wanting to go home as they don't want the fun to end so they moan maybe cry about it, just normal kids, why the stress and upset about it all. It is normal behaviour.

I can’t believe someone would just throw out ‘Have them adopted’ I mean wtaf.

It's really not. Op is bemoaning the fact that young children need nappies changing and babies cry and often have sleep issues. Pre children It doesn't take a genius to know that when you have a child these things will happen. If you didn't like it much first time around, why would you do it again and afaun? Poor children that their parent resents even tending to their most basic needs.

@Bbq1

i don’t think she’s morning about that per se, more the fact that women are expected to change nappies and be sleep deprived and “enjoy every minute of it”, they can’t complain else be accused of being unmaternal, a bad mother or even told to give her children up for adoption

It's really not. Op is bemoaning the fact that young children need nappies changing and babies cry and often have sleep issues. Pre children It doesn't take a genius to know that when you have a child these things will happen. If you didn't like it much first time around, why would you do it again and afaun? Poor children that their parent resents even tending to their most ba

It's not just basic needs is it? It's when these things go beyond that. At her worst DD was still awake at 1 am and back up and running (literally) at 5 am. No I didn't know that was possible. And don't fucking tell me that being exhausted,stressed,sleep deprived and fucking fed up of it is somehow irrational,unreasonable or the mark of a bad mother that shouldn't have had her child.

You feel how you feel but sleep deprivation can certainly be a possibility with babies. However bad that is and I know I've been there, there is lots of fun and unpredictable things that happen with young children, their innocence and fresh outlook, untarnished by the cynicism of life is a joy to be around, never to be repeated after a very short time. They usually adore and need their parents, Mum in particular, again something that is soon forgotten. I am quite a chaotic person, a night owl, I don't thrive on structure, I thrive on pressure so maybe it was easier for me to adapt to the times of terrible sleep and my first was a non sleeper from day 1. My DH found that more stressful as he prefers routine and order. I think certainly that makes a difference, anecdotally I have found that to be the case. Those people tend to be good at the junior school years where small bits of homework start and bedime routine is important for school. I think the shock comes again at teenage years if you have one that likes to go out, likes to push boundaries the more laid back parent can process that better and take these inevitable stages in their life. The routine parents become thrown again and are OTT with their rules which the teenagers inevitably ignore.

No one enjoys the sleep deprivation or cleaning another person poo but it is a part of parenting and you get on with it. It's also an expected part of parenting, of course there isn't a manual but only an idiot would think it is sunshine and rainbows all the time. There are challenges at every stage. Some people will find some stages harder than others, sometimes some kids have greater challenges, some people will approach everything with a kind of gusto , others just get on with it. I never had to deal with peeing on the floor unless they were potty training and it's a part of it so I got a big bottle of dettol, bed mats, lots of underwear and cracked on. Yes they pulled my hair, I kept it tied up or in an unflattering bun till they could understand yanking my hair was naughty. Catching every illness under the sun at nursery is par of the course, I worked part time and between dh and I we managed who had to take time off. Only one was breastfed and she stopped yanking nipples pretty quick, I didn't enjoy that but who does? The screaming wasn't all the time, usually if they were teething which whilst horrendous to listen to again was expected. They were in bed well before 10pm and the one that did wake every hour on the hour almost broke me but dh did nights with her so I could sleep. I lowered my standards and the house wasn't as clean as normal, we ate a lot of meals that had been batch cooked and stuck in the freezer. Yes mine argue over toys or just argue in general but lots of siblings do and it doesn't bother me, a quick behave or readdress their behaviour, distraction helps me. Sometimes I do get them whining they don't want to go to bed but they are kids and dh and I are the adults, we are both available at that time so address the behaviour at the time.

There is no point at being annoyed, pissed off or not enjoying the mundane parts of parenting, for every not so great part there are bits that are amazing. Some people don't enjoy the baby stage but love the toddler stage, others will be the opposite. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent either and that's OK to admit as well.

People also have different challenges themselves, working full time or part time, no partner, useless partner, kids close in age etc.

It's fine to say you don't enjoy every minute. People mean well by saying savour it because before you know it they are grown and you can't get that time again. If you don't want that time again fair enough. If I'm asked I say that from my own experience parts are hard but I'd do it all over again and I have 3.

It mostly isn't 'enjoyable' from day to day. But the great moments are great and what gets one through, I think.

I'm in the throes of this for the third time at the moment.

I have large age gaps between my children, it takes years to get over the sleep torture. Mine are all horrific sleepers.

All the stuff you have listed, does indeed happen. The nipple grabbing made me LOL, I lifted my youngest up this morning and to scooch himself up further he forced a fist into my boob as he did it. Fucking painful.

The other shit makes me laugh mostly. I find it quite funny when they run off and do an escapist wee somewhere. Toddlers are such arseholes that it is quite funny.

It is tiresome though and the wriggling while you're trying to clad them in cream and nappy is annoying that's for sure!

@Whichpart I literally copied what you posted but you’re saying I made it up 😂😂

@Louise0701 add that to the list of things that didn’t happen today. I’ve reread it and you said ‘and still can’t manage to enjoy them for a few hours in an evening and the weekends?’ that isn’t in any of my posts….. take a nap.

@Clymene ‘get them adopted’ yikes, have you had a nap and a snack yet? Just to recap: I posted a thread saying that people who say shite like ‘enjoy every second’ are talking out of their sphincters. Gave a few examples that most people agree on - are shit - and then you tell me I should get my children adopted. So rather than admit you’ve got the wrong end of the stick you’ve told a woman to get her children removed. You’re definitely from the generation where women put up and shut up. Sorry about that.

i can’t remember which poster it was but ‘I literally enjoy every second’: we are biologically programmed NOT to enjoy our childrens cries, you know that right. We are meant to not enjoy it so that we respond….. you haven’t smiled and enjoyed your way through parenthood, it’s normal 🥹

Also @Bbq1 I’m bemoaning absolute belters saying every second is enjoyable, as me and MANY others on this thread alone have heard.

@Louise0701 not me that needs a nap, my kids sleep! 😂
I was clearly referring to the part where you and I both wrote “which part of this is enjoyable” but I guess you’re frazzled after having to spend a full day with your children. Don’t worry, work tomorrow!

So rested you tagged yourself 🤣

I'm not a perfect mother by any means. But nor did I believe anyone who said shit like 'enjoy every moment'. If you believe that kind of tripe then I'm sorry you fell for a hallmark story of parenting.

It's boring and relentless. But if you're at work full time, you really don't have that relentless shit. You can piss in peace and the times your hair or your nipples are pulled are few and far between.

I didn't enjoy much of parenting babies. It was boring and shit a lot of the time. But I owned it. I didn't say 'oh no, I'm not stressed or angry and I don't hate it, whatever gives you that idea?' That's just idiotic.

I very much enjoy being a parent to older children. I knew I wasn't going to enjoy the baby bit but it's very short in the grand scheme of things.

@Goldijobsandthe3bears good job!! Looks like you don’t need to nap either!

Ah except you DIDNT copy mine did you because I wrote ‘which part of this is enjoyable’ and YOU wrote ‘which part of parenting is enjoyable‘

and since there’s nothing else eft to pick holes in, you’re going for snippy comments of the fact I work 😉😗