To expect husband to give up golf now that we have a family?

[DisneyBaby]

My husband has always played golf since being a little kid (apart from the first 2 years when we met). He plays every Saturday without fail and probably one Sunday a month and then once a week after work in the summer too. So some weeks up to 3 times, others only once.
We've been together 12 years and have a family now, a 2 year old and a 1 month old.
I personally feel that any hobbies like that should go on the back burner for a bit whilst we bring up our children and spend quality time together as much as possible. Instead of being a member of a club like he is at the moment, he should just play casually, maybe once a month or something, and then he can get back into it more passionately once our children are grown in 10-15 years, is that unreasonable??
My 2 year old understands everything now and often asks where Daddy is, and I'm getting fed up of saying 'Daddy playing golf today'... At some point she's going to start reasoning that he'd rather do that then spend time with us, which is upsetting for me let alone her...
I used to be a songwriter, that was my hobby but I gave it up about 5 years ago when we started trying for a family. I feel that he should give up his hobby now too. AIBU?

I think it’s such a shame that he’d rather spend precious Saturdays playing golf than with his young children.

so funny. Looking after young children the ages of the OP’s is 90% boring, repetitive, exhausting drudge work. But mothers are not allowed to say this.

However, many fathers know this, don’t really want to do it and so often escape off to their hobby. The mother’s left managing it all, with the favour rarely returned.

I was in NE Scotland and the membership fees were nothing like that (except at a couple of clubs); clubs also often had reciprocal agreements so you could be a member at one and play at others for a much reduced green fee.

From reading your other threads OP, there are bigger issues than the golf:

• you got together very young.
• you had doubts about if he was the one for you, and continue to have doubts.
• he has a long standing gambling problem.
• you feel he doesn't respect you, and from what you've said it doesn't sound like he does.
• he's always on his phone.
• you do everything around the house.
• does as "little as possible" with changing your daughters nappies and acts like it's a big ask if you ask him to get her ready for bed.
• you said he acts like a teenager and leaves a trail of mess for you to clean up.
• he's not affectionate, no cuddles, gropes you, and only shows you physical affection when he wants sex.

It sounds like you have been in this relationship so long that it seems normal. It's not normal. There are massive problems here and he will continue to suck and drain the life out of you if you stay with him.

Start making plans to leave him and start song writing again.

I'm not overly bothered that I gave up songwriting myself because honestly my favourite thing now is just spending time together, with my husband and two girls. So I guess I find it hard to understand and upsetting that he doesn't have the same enthusiasm for spending time with us all too.
I don't really want to have hours to myself (the odd one of two would be nice), coz I just genuinely love spending time altogether.
My mum and dad are happily happily married after 40 years and they don't have hobbies, they just enjoy spending time together on evenings and weekends, having dinner, going out for the day and on holiday etc.

But saying that, as much as I love family time, it is challenging sometimes and leaving me on my own with the girls for the majority of Saturday when I've already had them on my own all week when he's out of the house for work 7-7:30 feels like a kick in the teeth and I would appreciate the second pair of hands..

@SaggyBlinders you're absolutely right. We're working on a lot of those issues and he has been a lot better at home helping out when he's here, and also stopped gambling (for now), the main issue at the moment is the amount he's playing golf!

‘Helping out’?
Sounds like a dreadful bloke, would you not prefer to raise your standards?

Why is ge away for a full day? We are retired. My husband plays golf 3 or 4 times a week. If he tees off at 8 for 18 holes he will be back by 1.30 . That gives the rest of the day to do family stuff. Or for you to do a hobby of your own and then Sunday is family day.

Yabu, I've got 4dc and have never given up my hobbies.

He needs to reduce it based on the frequency you've outlined but no, he shouldn't have to give it up totally. One round a week (5 hours?) seems fine or a couple of times playing 9 holes instead should be manageable providing you get a similar.

A reduction of games seems fair and you should be able to have that discussion.

But dropping a hobby for 10-15 years is not reasonable.

I can see that you've mentioned your parents don't have hobbies. You don't have to emulate them. There is more than one way to maintain a happy marriage - as you see from this thread.

Your husband enjoys playing golf. It's not a rejection of family life.

I am in the YABU camp. I am out one night a week plus weekends for my hobby, I have 2 children and gave it up for 6 weeks for first due to section. DH played golf weekly until youngest was 3, which was when swimming got complicated and timings didn't work. I hate the fact he has given it up as he has nothing for him, I keep trying to persuade him to go back but childrens clubs get in the way.

When they were really little I signed eldest (under 2 at the time) up for a class on a Saturday morning, so we went off to the class and little one was in car seat for it, broke up my morning and DH was back shortly after us.

I Understand your perspectives and frustrations, all the best op

My OH plays golf every weekend and then goes to the pub and comes home drunk so not only is it a 4 hour round of golf but then 4 hours (and a heap of money) in the pub while I'm looking after our child. I'm fed up with it but if I try to talk to him about it, he then becomes unreasonable and turns it around on me somehow so I am wrong for mentioning it.

@DisneyBaby
Any updates ??