To fantasise about not being with my husband and his children

[YoyosToe]

Is this normal or is it a really bad sign?

I find myself daydreaming quite often about how it would be just me and our DC and sometimes I even desperately wish that were the case.

My husband and DSC have gone out tonight so it's just been me and our DC. I've put them to bed and just sat down and the house is so lovely and quiet and I can just be by myself and to be totally honest I'm dreading them coming home.

I find step parenting difficult to enjoy and it would be huge weight lifted off me not to have to do it anymore.

I do love my husband, which is why it's so weird to say this (or type this) out loud and most of the time we get on really well, have a laugh, care for each other etc.. but I just long for a less hectic life sometimes. The house just feels busy and noisy all the time.

Just to add I don't mean to say single parenting is easy, I just mean I long to have to think and consider less people (i.e. just me and my children)! If that makes sense at all.

Omg I'm so sorry for the thick and unhelpful replies you've had.

No wonder you feel resentful. I bet your children feel exactly the same even if they're not old enough to recognise it yet.

I'd be having a word. A serious word. Where you make it clear that you'll be considering your options if you continue to be used like this.

Decide what is reasonable for you to do. Drop some of the donkey work you've been given and use the time to invest in yourself and your dc.

You are so taken for granted. Its outrageous.

The thing with DH is I feel like I can't speak to him about this, when I've tried in the past and said I feel taken advantage of in regards to his children and he should be doing more (since they've lived here he's changed absolutely nothing about his life, why would he, I can do it in his mind), he takes it as a personal attack against his DC.

So you're not allowed to speak about it as he perceives it as an attack. I suggest you recognise that he it is you who has been attacked/overwhelmed. And get very angry.

Get rid of this useless man will get rid of the resentment she is feeling.

Well what a shame it has come to that, eh? You seem to think the OP is at fault for reacting to his behaviour.
Maybe if he wasn’t an arse, OP wouldn’t have to take matters in to her own hands.

You could try relationship therapy or a mediator maybe? Maybe the therapist can get through to him that it's his kids right to contact with him, and him dumping all on you as a default is really not in the spirit of that.

I would seriously consider divorce if it stays this way. In tge end it also eats at the time and energy that you have for your own children, and they don't have spare step parents around.

No thats what you seem to think I think.

OP isnt to blame for this, her useless husband is. Umfortunately she can't change how he acts or feels but she can start to control her own feelings and behaviours by ltb.

How are you doing, @YoyosToe? 🌹

Sounds like you could have weathered the unexpected change in living arrangements, if your husband wasn’t an arsehole.

I feel sorry for you.

Ugh, this thread was a shit show. Yet another woman verbally battered simply for the crime of having step children. I too, hope you’re doing ok @YoyosToe you weren’t ever in the wrong, by the way.

But from what I gather your thread isn’t about your husband Failing at fully parenting the children you share together

it is about fantasising about having your home with just your children in it.

two very different issues.

the first - difficult to predict or assess the risk because presumably you thought he was brilliant when you married him

the latter - must more easier to assess the risk. High.

i think that is the point some are trying to make

I have no experience of being a step mum

but I don’t need to read threads or hear experiences to know that the idea of sharing my home with other children is utterly and wholly unappealing

so I would avoid getting involved. Even if he was Prince Charming.

The point is; she fantasises about the latter because of the first.

But even if husband was wonderful

i can’t get my head around chilling out on a Sunday evening… with other kids around. Sharing a bathroom with them, having breakfast with them.

So for me…. It’s a nightmare scenario no matter what the husband was like. And I wouldn’t be surprised if the op also just would prefer her own children living in their home and no other children, even with the best husband on the planet

Next time your parents take your DC, book something like a hotel or day out for yourself and leave him with DSC. Give him a taste of his own medicine.