To not understand why none of my neighbours answered the door

[Ihateitalot]

I moved in a month ago. I needed to get 10 year old dd from school but there was an issue with my front door not closing. I could have gone out the back but there was still the issue that the front door would literally not close.

I knocked on houses to see if someone could keep an eye on my door for max 15 mins. I could see some neighbours through their windows completely ignoring me or peeking back at me and then disappearing. The neighbour across from me I couldn’t see, but while I was phoning my mum to collect dd for me she answered the door for an ASOS parcel! Just so rude.

I’m beginning to think it’s because my face doesn’t fit, if you know what I mean. Next door but one completely blank me, and have crossed the street when they see me coming. I didn’t bother knocking on theirs.
One of the neighbours across from me was initially friendly, so I thought. He came over asking who my landlord was, then preceded to blank me every time after.

I feel like moving again.

This not opening doors, is it a british thing or at least a area thing , I’m sorry but I do t think this happens anywhere else ? I grew up in a big city , capital in my country and I never not open a door ?

So you’ve lived in one capital city and think you know it all?

I know people all over the place and everyone would open their door if the bell went or someone knocked. Something I have only ever come across on MN, so I can only conclude there must be something about being on MN that attracts the weird, non-community minded minority that never open doors.

What a load of crap. I often don't answer my door because I don't want to engage with the person at the door. If they have a package or I know them etc I answer to door but everyone else gets ignored. I live in London and the randoms who knock on my door want to sell you something, sign you up to charity, are begging etc. I am not interested in engaging with them. This makes me neither 'weird' nor 'non-community minded' 😒

Do you have a video doorbell @KatherineJaneway? Would you ignore a neighbour?

But @Kite22 is right that there are some non-community minded mumsnetters upthread. The "I'm alright Jack" attitude is alive and well here.

@RampantIvy Yes I have a Ring doorbell but I wouldn't know most of my neighbours.

People generally are more unlikely to open their doors these days - we're tired of door-to-door sellers, collectors, worshippers etc. Crime is also an issue - we've had callers come on a pretence (eg to read the meter) to get access and steal, and people have tightened their security with video doorbells or CCTV as a result. I have an intercom so I can talk to callers without physically going to the door, and I'm glad because I'd find it much harder to say no to someone once the door was open.

OP, what happened to you wasn't nice. However, if you haven't given anyone a reason to dislike you, I think this was more a case of people simply not knowing you, being wary and/or gossip at least partly due to the neighbour who asked about your landlord rather than racism. I'm black and so is my neighbour, yet we didn't start talking until several years after I moved in - our paths rarely crossed because of work and other things, and we're private people anyway, so the distance between us existed through no fault on either side. We get on very well now, but it took all that time to get there. You've only been living there a month. I suggest you make a fresh start with your neighbours by introducing yourself and your child and see how things go after that.

@Anewdaydawns
A wonderful comment and I agree. We all seem so wrapped up in our own lives much more than we were years ago.

Heard of a situation where a young woman rang a doorbell in the area asking for help. As soon as the door was answered, a few blokes rushed in and mugged the family.

A similar thing happened to a local elderly man a few months ago. We've also had people pretending to be plain clothes police officers and doorstep scams to get cash. I live in a nice area where these crimes were unheard of a few years ago, but now they're happening people have to be more security conscious. That's made some more inclined to keep their distance until they get to know someone under normal circumstances.

The OP's neighbours wouldn't have known what she wanted, but she's a stranger to them and it was easier not to open the door and find out. That doesn't automatically make them nasty people - only they know what may have influenced that decision. Unless the OP wants to leave it to Father Time to change their mindset, she'll have to make an effort to get to know her neighbours if she wants to have a more cordial relationship with them sooner rather than later.

Unless the OP wants to leave it to Father Time to change their mindset, she'll have to make an effort to get to know her neighbours if she wants to have a more cordial relationship with them sooner rather than later.

How does she do that if they won’t answer the door?!

One of my friends who lives round the corner and the next door neighbour called me at work last year when my sheds were on fire !

She could pop round on a day when she's not in need of something and leave a note introducing herself if there's no answer. "Hello, sorry you weren't in when I called round this morning. My name is ... and I've moved into number ... with my daughter. We'd like to get to know our neighbours and them to know us, so can we come over later or tomorrow and introduce ourselves properly? My number is...., so please let me know when is convenient for you. Alternatively, feel free to pop over to us any time today or tomorrow if that's easier. Hope to hear from you soon, (insert name)."

She can write the note in advance, then she can put it through the letterbox if there's no answer whether she thinks someone's in or not. They may ignore it and her, but if they choose not to respond to such a polite note at least she's tried. She'll know not to expect much if anything from them in future and to keep her distance from them as well.

So because the OP used a normal method of contact ie knocking on her neighbours’ doors, where she was actively ignored while they watched her from their living rooms, she is the one who should be trying extra hard to get them to accept her?

If that had happened to me I would have felt really intimidated being watched while I tried to make contact & they stayed there & did nothing.

Last thing I’d be doing as a single woman living on my own with a small child would be giving out my number to complete strangers. That’s hardly safe either.

I don't think it's about her trying extra hard to be accepted. She feels uncomfortable enough to be thinking of moving, but that could easily change if she's prepared to introduce herself. It's one small step that could start the change that turns them from strangers to being at least civil neighbours. I wouldn't do it twice though - one attempt at being a friendly new neighbour should be enough.

As for giving out her number, under normal circumstances I wouldn't give my number to strangers either. However, these are the same strangers that she was willing to let watch her home with its door open, in effect giving them access to all her possessions without knowing for sure when she'd be back, so I think it's a bit different.

I always introduce myself to my nearest neighbours (either side of me and facing me if I move. If there is no answer I pop a friendly card through the letterbox or on their doorstep if it's safe with some farm honey or a bottle of wine. Saying if they ever need anything please knock and I'll try to help. Only had a problem once with my current neighbour, my only direct neighbour. She doesn't like 'bloody foreigners,' I'm mixed too, although not a foreigner. So I treat them like they don't exist. All my other neighbours are lovely and helpful.

Maybe you could do this too, to introduce yourself.