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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand why none of my neighbours answered the door

390 replies

Ihateitalot · 13/05/2022 15:31

I moved in a month ago. I needed to get 10 year old dd from school but there was an issue with my front door not closing. I could have gone out the back but there was still the issue that the front door would literally not close.

I knocked on houses to see if someone could keep an eye on my door for max 15 mins. I could see some neighbours through their windows completely ignoring me or peeking back at me and then disappearing. The neighbour across from me I couldn’t see, but while I was phoning my mum to collect dd for me she answered the door for an ASOS parcel! Just so rude.

I’m beginning to think it’s because my face doesn’t fit, if you know what I mean. Next door but one completely blank me, and have crossed the street when they see me coming. I didn’t bother knocking on theirs.
One of the neighbours across from me was initially friendly, so I thought. He came over asking who my landlord was, then preceded to blank me every time after.

I feel like moving again.

OP posts:
BadNomad · 15/05/2022 01:42

I don't understand why people can't understand that for some people their home is their safe place and they don't want to be disturbed in it. Doors are for entering and exiting, they're not there to provide outsiders with a means to request attention from people who might not have the energy to deal with whatever is on the other side of the door. It's great that a lot of you love talking to people and helping your neighbours with their unexpected requests, but for some people it's too much and you're being ignorant and nasty to call them weirdos, rude, selfish, unkind, arseholes, bloody awful, shitty etc.

HeArInGhandsgirl11 · 15/05/2022 01:59

Why are you all being so precious about answering your doors! How strange

OP I hope it's not because your face doesn't fit😳

maybe it's just a street full of MN who don't answer the door!

SlatsandFlaps · 15/05/2022 02:50

chisanunian · 13/05/2022 17:00

I spent ages banging on my neighbour's door once, ringing the bell, rattling the letterbox, shouting through it, the lot. I knew they were in because I saw movement through the window, but they wouldn't answer the door.

All I wanted to do was let them know their shed was on fire...

Bloody hell!! How long did it take them to finally notice? How ridiculous

RampantIvy · 15/05/2022 07:14

I never ever open the door. Even for packages, they get put in a safe place outside unless they're huge and then I'm forced to get the door.

Why?
Do you never do an online grocery shop?
Have you tried to get help with your issues?

Yeside · 15/05/2022 07:33

You obviously have no idea what she means she is a different race - this does happen, I know, I am biracial and in some very “white “ areas people are still ignorant. I also work in equality diversity and inclusion and this does happen. Do not belittle the posters feelings around this - we often live our lives accepting racial discrimination as “that’s just what we have to deal with” but it chips away and gets exhausting - now maybe poster is wrong ans they are all old or just not into being neighbourly but racial trauma is real and our experiences are

supperlover · 15/05/2022 07:35

That's shocking that people wouldn't answer the door. I'm more of a gransnet than mumsnet generation and have lived in towns, country and a city ( N.ireland, Kent and SW England) during my life and never experienced that. What's wrong with people nowadays? If it's racism it's disgusting. Hope when these people are ill they realise it's very likely to be a person of colour saving their lives.

mangipops · 15/05/2022 08:40

I had to knock on all my neighbours doors because of a very loud noise in the building. Many people were hostile, some were obviously in but would not open their doors - none were friendly - I am white - my neighbours are very diverse. In some areas people just do not want to involve themselves with others at all. I would be questioning why your neighbour was asking about your landlord as a recent conversation with own neighbours suggested they wanted to know if I had bought my flat or was I a 'social' tenant. It could be that your neighbours are snobs - or just plain unfriendly.

Xenia · 15/05/2022 09:03

supper, it is not an age thing. Most people are quite old around where I live and my neighbour has not answered her door for years. Sometimes she shouts out of her bed room window. She just likes to keep to herself. We also get a lot of dodgy callers after work or charity money (ie to case the joint in case it is empty). I DO answer the door to them for a few seconds to say I do not buy at the door and then polietly close it so quickly they have no change to peddle their wares. I also answer it to all the deliveries we get even though they leave those on the step now and anyone else but I am a bit of an exception. however I will always try not to get involved in people's things. Eg if someone wanted me to watch a door for 20 minutes that is too much responsiblity and I am working - just because I am here does not mean I am not working nor have loads of other things to do I am afraid. That request is basically a theft of time.

Xenia · 15/05/2022 09:03

Also if often starts like that - one request and morphs into time and again request after request or even just invitations to social stuff so if you nip it in the bud so it never starts you can maintain your privacy and separateness more easily. Once hooked in you never know when it will end.

Cheli83 · 15/05/2022 09:13

You are not being unreasonable but I live in a similar environment so you face basically just doesn't fit. Try and create your own social circle so you feel less isolated.

LoisLane66 · 15/05/2022 09:31

Muhammed Ali had a particular outlook which he publicly outed in an interview. It shines a different light on the bigotry scenario.

Parker231 · 15/05/2022 09:41

Did posters not check on their neighbours during lockdown- check they were ok, particularly the more elderly, offer to get shopping and prescriptions?

coffeecupsandfairylights · 15/05/2022 09:50

Parker231 · 15/05/2022 09:41

Did posters not check on their neighbours during lockdown- check they were ok, particularly the more elderly, offer to get shopping and prescriptions?

Nope. I don't feel bad about it, either.

Our area had a team of dedicated, DBS-checked volunteers who went door-to-door asking people if they needed help. In fact, that team of volunteers has existed since well before COVID and is still going now.

They help with food shopping, medication, hospital appointments and provide lifts to local community groups, and COVID didn't change that.

I did, however, have a vulnerable dog-walking client who started asking me for help - popping to the cash point for her, posting the odd parcel - which was fine, but when I no longer had time to help her, I was made to feel horrendously guilty and like I was responsible for her escalating MH problems. Eventually I stopped helping her completely and had to refer her to our local care group.

I'm obviously not saying helping a neighbour always ends up that way, but I can 100% see why some people are reluctant to start down that road. You don't know what other responsibilities they have, what their own MH is like and what's going in their private lives either. I always find it's better not to assume the worst of people just because they don't behave in the same way you would in a particular situation.

Maireas · 15/05/2022 09:50

Parker231 · 15/05/2022 09:41

Did posters not check on their neighbours during lockdown- check they were ok, particularly the more elderly, offer to get shopping and prescriptions?

Obviously not.
It's quite depressing.

LoisLane66 · 15/05/2022 09:58

@Parker231
No. Not here, nor would I want them to. At 77 I'm more than capable of making my own mind up and doing my own shopping.
Through the NextDoor app, I did offer to let others piggy-back on my priority shopping slots which were delivered to me, I then sorted their shopping from mine, they collected, split delivery charges and paid bill into my bank. Other than that, no. I have no elderly neighbours anyway.

DoraSpenlow · 15/05/2022 10:27

I really, really don't get this not answering the door and I have been the victim of distraction burglary where someone knocked on my front door while his mate went in round the back. I have just learnt to keep both doors locked all the time.

Even if someone was worried about who was at the door, surely it just takes a moment to open a window and ask what they want and politely ask them to go away if necessary? Obviously not possbile in flats.

Down our road, when we have someone new move in, they have been asked if they would like to come round for drinks and nibbles to meet the neighbours. Some have declined, which is fine, but we always make newcomers aware that we don't all spend hours in each others homes but that we are all here to help if needed. I have always thought that that was just what neighbours did. Some neighbours do keep to themselves but still know that help will always be forthcoming if requested. It was great during lockdown when those of us who went shopping could get bits for the more vulnerable.

I'm so sorry you have had this experience OP and hope that things improve for you soon.

Dibbydoos · 15/05/2022 10:28

Hi OP racism is rife, sadly. I'm sorry you experienced this.

I grew up in a very white area- 2 black families and us (mixed race - my dad is chinese).

It was awful. It sounds like things have not improved in some areas, but there are places where race is tgd last issue people think about.

Hoping that your neighbours either cone round or leave you alone.

Bless you 💕

RedHelenB · 15/05/2022 10:29

Ihateitalot · 13/05/2022 15:31

I moved in a month ago. I needed to get 10 year old dd from school but there was an issue with my front door not closing. I could have gone out the back but there was still the issue that the front door would literally not close.

I knocked on houses to see if someone could keep an eye on my door for max 15 mins. I could see some neighbours through their windows completely ignoring me or peeking back at me and then disappearing. The neighbour across from me I couldn’t see, but while I was phoning my mum to collect dd for me she answered the door for an ASOS parcel! Just so rude.

I’m beginning to think it’s because my face doesn’t fit, if you know what I mean. Next door but one completely blank me, and have crossed the street when they see me coming. I didn’t bother knocking on theirs.
One of the neighbours across from me was initially friendly, so I thought. He came over asking who my landlord was, then preceded to blank me every time after.

I feel like moving again.

Yanbu, and certainly where I live people would answer their door and look out for you

RedHelenB · 15/05/2022 10:31

SarahSissions · 13/05/2022 16:16

When I’m working from home I won’t answer the door because I’m working!!

I wouldn’t judge them on this incident, but just give a wave when you pass people often and stay friendly.

I live in a close knit community- and we certainly have people whose faces don’t fit- but they tend to be the people who come in and force themselves into conversation rather than just letting things happen. Oh and the tacky as f@ck neighbour who has just bought a hot tub… 😂

So a snobby clique then. Sounds as though OP has come to live near you.

Privateandconfidentialplease · 15/05/2022 10:33

I haven't read the full thread but I have read ops updates. I would hope it's not racism that stopped them opening the door. I live in a predominantly white area and I haven't seen anything that would be racist. I suspect it is down to snobbery because you rent. Most the people in my area own their homes and some definitely look down on me because I rent. I have one particularly nasty neighbour who is absolutely awful to us. That neighbour who asked who your landlord was is going to be the most trouble.

MacaroniBaloney · 15/05/2022 11:17

What had happened to the door so that it was out of the frame?

Had there been an incident that had caused this, which now means people want to avoid you?

Doors don't just fall out of frames.

MaudieandMe · 15/05/2022 11:20

I can’t imagine a single person that wouldn’t open their door when someone is knocking. It would be considered incredibly rude to ignore someone knocking at your door.

That’s one of the wonderful things about living here. People genuinely care about each other. So glad I left the U.K. and the horrible nimby’s that live amongst you.

@Xenia That request is basically a theft of time.

That must be one of the twattiest comments I’ve read on here in a long time. I pity the community where you live.

EmotionBot9to5 · 15/05/2022 11:25

Snobbery at renters is real.

About a y3ar after i moved in here, a stalwart of the parish type of woman (a neighbour opposite) gave me a letter to give to my landlord. I said "i own the house".
She was shocked, with my being a single parent!

Shortly afterwards another neighbour started doing my front garden. Very decent of him. I appreciate it. But my jungle was upsetting that stalwart of the cul de sac lady.

ilovesooty · 15/05/2022 11:29

Xenia · 15/05/2022 09:03

Also if often starts like that - one request and morphs into time and again request after request or even just invitations to social stuff so if you nip it in the bud so it never starts you can maintain your privacy and separateness more easily. Once hooked in you never know when it will end.

Your attitude sounds worse with every post. Let's hope you never need a bit of kindness and compassion from anyone in the future.

ilovesooty · 15/05/2022 11:32

Parker231 · 15/05/2022 09:41

Did posters not check on their neighbours during lockdown- check they were ok, particularly the more elderly, offer to get shopping and prescriptions?

Judging by this thread and the comments by @Xenia and her ilk, it seems as though many didn't.

No wonder you hear about people dying in their homes and no one missing them.