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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand why none of my neighbours answered the door

390 replies

Ihateitalot · 13/05/2022 15:31

I moved in a month ago. I needed to get 10 year old dd from school but there was an issue with my front door not closing. I could have gone out the back but there was still the issue that the front door would literally not close.

I knocked on houses to see if someone could keep an eye on my door for max 15 mins. I could see some neighbours through their windows completely ignoring me or peeking back at me and then disappearing. The neighbour across from me I couldn’t see, but while I was phoning my mum to collect dd for me she answered the door for an ASOS parcel! Just so rude.

I’m beginning to think it’s because my face doesn’t fit, if you know what I mean. Next door but one completely blank me, and have crossed the street when they see me coming. I didn’t bother knocking on theirs.
One of the neighbours across from me was initially friendly, so I thought. He came over asking who my landlord was, then preceded to blank me every time after.

I feel like moving again.

OP posts:
Dynamita · 16/05/2022 06:52

oh boy I sure would hate to be accused of being racist just because I didn’t answer the door from anxiety…

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 16/05/2022 11:33

You’ve made The Mirror, OP…

grapewines · 16/05/2022 11:36

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 16/05/2022 11:33

You’ve made The Mirror, OP…

Took them longer than I thought it would.

Hearthfire · 16/05/2022 12:33

Okay there's alot of comments to read through but I think I've got the top and bottom of it. I can only assume the same as you and thats it's the colour of your skin and I am so sorry.
It's sad to see that places are still segregated by postcode and colour. I live in Bradford I know all too well of postcode segregation, I feel as though the thought process is when an area is consisting of mainly one race there shouldn't be or its incredibly rare to see other races there. I legitimately got asked once by an Asian lady if it was going to be okay with her being in the area and if her car was going to be okay when she came to drop a kitten off! That's some sad shit right there. I guess the news doesn't help either, a few areas in my city have been given bad names for certain things that have been in the news, people tend to skip past the news of white people doing wrong and their eyes are instantly on the people of colour who've done wrong, I see it all the time in comments on my local newspapers Facebook, theres always more comments on posts regarding a person of colour as opposed to a white person.
People say racism starts at home, however I think it runs deeper, at what age do kids start talking? At what age are kids realising the segregation? My kids school is mainly white, I think there's about 3 Asian kids in her class! As they grow up and start realising certain areas of their OWN HOME TOWN/CITY are segregated in to race groups. It doesn't just start at home. It's all around without needing to go very far.
The fight against it starts now. This situation your in now OP could be a great step forward if the neighbors wasn't such bigoted racists. All it takes is one person to accept you and slowly everyone else will follow.

DisorganisedDaydreamer · 16/05/2022 14:59

The sun have got hold of this thread. It’s doing the rounds on Facebook.

Xenia · 16/05/2022 17:25

Hearth in my London borough most people are not white so I think in a sense we are beyond that although there may be some "white flight" of people going further out into the towns further North I suppose. eg my son was the only white boy in his class at one point, not an issue for us at all otherwise we would have moved.

The fact I try to avoid doing lots of favours for neighbours is nothing to do with colour - it is just being very busy and having years of working from home since the 90s which makes some people think you have even 5 minutes spare in the day and also you can get dragged into being some people's carers bit by bit so better to keep pleasantries to hello if you pass a neighbour rather than being each other's best friends. Just tolerate each other in peace.

Fluval · 16/05/2022 18:41

I think the best thing that responsible dog owners could do is, upon acknowledging that certain breeds of dogs can be dangerous (particularly if they have bad owners) is to cease brushing off peoples concerns by saying ‘that’s the owner’s fault, not the dog’ as if that solves anything. Again, it’s just like the “guns don’t kill people, people kill people” argument against gun control.

If potentially dangerous dogs keep ending up with bad owners, then a solution needs to be found. Strictly controlling dog ownership may be a possibility, as might banning larger breeds from being kept as pets.

Fluval · 16/05/2022 18:42

Oops, wrong thread.

ilovesooty · 16/05/2022 19:51

You can get dragged into being some people's carers bit by bit

Hardly likely to be a result of opening your door to someone who knocks needing help in a specific situation. In any case you don't get dragged into situations like that unless you have no boundaries. If you just don't care about anyone else and don't think you'll ever need help from anyone you might as well own it.

InstaHun88 · 16/05/2022 20:05

I have NEVER, not once, opened the door to a stranger. People are very vulnerable and you never know who this person knocking is or what their intentions are. Everyone has a mobile phone, access to Internet, etc. There is no reason whatsoever why a perfect stranger who I am not expecting would need to knock on my door. I would not have opened the door and it would have had nothing to do with your race or demeanour or rental status.

Beautifulmonster87 · 16/05/2022 20:09

LetitiaLeghorn · 13/05/2022 15:51

I'm still not sure if you're saying they were racist or they just didn't recognise you. But whatever the reason, if I were them and had opened the door, I would definitely not want to be put in the position of watching your door for 15mins.

A) I don't want to be stuck in my front window,watching a door; but more importantly B) if something went wrong, you might, if I didn't know you, be the sort to accuse me of being involved.

I mean I understand its a horrible situation for you to be in, so sympathies, but I think that's a lot to ask of a complete stranger which your new neighbours are.

Bit dramatic! You’d not help a neighbour out by watching their front door for 15 mins?! Jesus… hardly an effort is it!

12yearsinazkaban · 16/05/2022 20:26

If my new neigh our randomly knocked on my door i would expect them to be a moaner complaining about something something so I'd probably blank the door too.
I mean, they didn't know you were asking for help, I'd assume complaint.

Blarting · 16/05/2022 20:32

12yearsinazkaban · 16/05/2022 20:26

If my new neigh our randomly knocked on my door i would expect them to be a moaner complaining about something something so I'd probably blank the door too.
I mean, they didn't know you were asking for help, I'd assume complaint.

Really?

NerrSnerr · 16/05/2022 20:35

Where do all these miserable buggers live? I wouldn't say I was best friends with my next door neighbour, were acquaintances at best but we'd answer the door to each other and help if we were able. Other neighbours we have their phone numbers and do actively help each other out. Luckily none of us have taken on the roll of carer for another yet but I'll keep that in mind if I take their bins round if they're on holiday or pop them a bottle of wine when they're home with poorly children.

Fluval · 16/05/2022 21:59

12yearsinazkaban · 16/05/2022 20:26

If my new neigh our randomly knocked on my door i would expect them to be a moaner complaining about something something so I'd probably blank the door too.
I mean, they didn't know you were asking for help, I'd assume complaint.

I assume you feel like this because you’re very prone to attracting complaints for anti-social behaviour?

jammyrose · 16/05/2022 22:47

I know it must feel bad, but it’s not necessarily you! In my experience, people just don’t like answering their doors to anyone.
I heard a CO2 alarm going off recently that wasn’t ours (knew it was CO2 as it made the exact same noise as ours when tested!).
It went on for a while so I gave National Grid a call to see what they’d suggest. They said it needs to be investigated for safety and I did the right thing by calling so they sent someone out.
I greeted the engineer and explained I’d made the call but couldn’t work out where the sound was coming from, and neither could he (quite a built up/awkward street). He could hear it and agreed it sounded like a CO2 alarm.
He knocked on multiple doors and not one answered, despite several seemingly being home (lights on/cars in the driveway).
As it was getting late and the alarm wasn’t mine, I confirmed with the engineer it was a safe enough distance and went to bed. Woke up in the night and he was still outside with his van - no idea if he found the house or what happened after that, but the alarm had stopped by morning.
It was terrifying to think of anyone coming to any harm if they were in close proximity to the source, all because they didn’t want to open the door.

RampantIvy · 16/05/2022 22:50

InstaHun88 · 16/05/2022 20:05

I have NEVER, not once, opened the door to a stranger. People are very vulnerable and you never know who this person knocking is or what their intentions are. Everyone has a mobile phone, access to Internet, etc. There is no reason whatsoever why a perfect stranger who I am not expecting would need to knock on my door. I would not have opened the door and it would have had nothing to do with your race or demeanour or rental status.

This is a rather extreme response. Do you live in a very rough neighbourhood? How do you know it is a stranger at the door? Do you have a video camera or look out of the window?

If my new neighbour randomly knocked on my door I would expect them to be a moaner complaining about something something so I'd probably blank the door too.

Do you always assume the worst in people?

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 17/05/2022 19:41

InstaHun88 · 16/05/2022 20:05

I have NEVER, not once, opened the door to a stranger. People are very vulnerable and you never know who this person knocking is or what their intentions are. Everyone has a mobile phone, access to Internet, etc. There is no reason whatsoever why a perfect stranger who I am not expecting would need to knock on my door. I would not have opened the door and it would have had nothing to do with your race or demeanour or rental status.

How dreadful yo,live,your
ice like that

CrankyFrankie · 17/05/2022 22:12

Agree with anyone saying that a majority of people are antisocial when it comes to people knocking. But if they could see you and still ignored you, that's rough. I'm inclined to say it's probably more likely laziness+/snobbery due to you renting (given the guy who asked you re LL and then ignored you). But it could also be thinly veiled racism tbf, ie if the bloke didn't actually know your place was buy-to-let and phrased it as though you obviously didn't buy the place yourself, and then dismissed you to other neighbours as a mere mortal renter... are you much younger than the average age? maybe they're just a bit suspicious generally of young / single / not-from-round-ere types? either way, it sounds like a rubbish neighbourhood to live in, OP :(

(FWIW I have lived in a few places where I wouldn't recognise my next-door neighbours, but they were mostly flats or urban areas and i was young and otherwise occupied!)

CrankyFrankie · 17/05/2022 22:28

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Beadley · 17/05/2022 22:52

This thread is so alien to me. I practically dance to the door when I hear the doorbell. Such excitement 😜 Can’t imagine not answering.

Mfsf · 19/05/2022 16:45

This is such a weird thread now . This not opening doors, is it a british thing or at least a area thing , I’m sorry but I do t think this happens anywhere else ? I grew up in a big city , capital in my country and I never not open a door ? I’ve been in the U.K. England and now Scotland for 22 years and yet again it never crossed my mind not to open a door , specially to a neighbour ??
and off course I don’t mean those with medical conditions as anxiety but the rest is just plain weird. Or do some people just live in extremely bad areas and they are scared ? This is just so alien to me

Kite22 · 19/05/2022 17:48

@Mfsf No, not a British thing at all.
I know people all over the place and everyone would open their door if the bell went or someone knocked. Something I have only ever come across on MN, so I can only conclude there must be something about being on MN that attracts the weird, non-community minded minority that never open doors.

RampantIvy · 19/05/2022 18:38

This not opening doors, is it a british thing or at least a area thing

No it is only a mumsnet thing. Mumsnet has a disproportionately large number of extremely introverted posters.

I don't know anyone who won't answer the door either.

Anonymoussssss · 19/05/2022 18:56

It could be a mixture of both, OP. I have had the same thing happen. They are sizing you up. Stay yourself and, eventually, they'll realise you're not a threat. How shit for you, though but these things take time..x