To not understand why none of my neighbours answered the door

[Ihateitalot]

I moved in a month ago. I needed to get 10 year old dd from school but there was an issue with my front door not closing. I could have gone out the back but there was still the issue that the front door would literally not close.

I knocked on houses to see if someone could keep an eye on my door for max 15 mins. I could see some neighbours through their windows completely ignoring me or peeking back at me and then disappearing. The neighbour across from me I couldn’t see, but while I was phoning my mum to collect dd for me she answered the door for an ASOS parcel! Just so rude.

I’m beginning to think it’s because my face doesn’t fit, if you know what I mean. Next door but one completely blank me, and have crossed the street when they see me coming. I didn’t bother knocking on theirs.
One of the neighbours across from me was initially friendly, so I thought. He came over asking who my landlord was, then preceded to blank me every time after.

I feel like moving again.

There can be some snobbishness about people renting v owning, we certainly find that where we are.

These replies are so weird. ‘I don’t answer the door during the day or to people I don’t know or if I’m not expecting them’ okay…weird. Not to mention the original post says they saw OP, they know it’s a neighbour knocking and not some random. I can’t fathom why someone wouldn’t answer to a neighbour, what if theyre trying to tell you something important about your property or they’re going to have work done that will obstruct you? I mean that’s beside the basic point that you share a street with these people and it’s just plain rude and ignorant to ignore your neighbours (unless you’ve fallen out or whatever). Being middle class can’t buy you manners, apparently.

Some people want to be friendly with neighbours, be helpful, get to know them and so on. But some people just want to lead their own lives and not be bothered with other people - especially if a favour might be asked. I doubt if it was personal. TBH I would not want to 'keep an eye' on someone's front door, since it would mean literally watching it continuously for however long to be certain nothing untoward happened.

Most of these posts can be summed up fairly easily as ‘But… but… that’s not how I do things! I just don’t get it! It’s weeeeiiiiirrrd!!’

You don’t HAVE to ‘get it’. Your door is your door - you can answer it to whoever you want whenever you want. I haven’t noticed anyone who says they don’t answer the door to unexpected guests telling those who do how weird they are. So why are those of you who do so bothered by those who don’t?

There always seems to be a lot of ‘But what if it’s an emergency? I knew a woman who went into labour just as her legs were severed by a runaway train and then she burst into flames and NOBODY helped her’ type comments on these threads. Do people really not behave any differently in an emergency? I feel like it might be a good idea to bang harder and shout ‘HELP!!!!’ if you were in terrible danger, rather than just knocking to ask if they had any jumble for the church.

What do these people in dire straits do if their neighbours are out? Sometimes, just occasionally, people do go out and can’t answer the door because they’re not on the other side of it. Do these women in premature labour or people with a burst appendix or running from a burning building simply

How un-neighbourly, I always answer the door. What dreadful people.

DH doesn't if he is working, because his office is at the top of the house and he can't hear the bell up there if the doors are closed. I've been locked outside without a phone and known he was in but could not rouse him to come to the door. In the end I asked a passer by to ring him on his mobile so he could come down to open it.

How can people blatantly look at someone through a window and then just ignore them??

Because I’m working?

I do think this is most of the problem. A white person would think they're rude, or busy, or just unfriendly. But if you're not white you assume it's racism.

It seems that your landlord has notoriously bad tenants or he's just a bad landlord if that's what swung it for the chap who was initially pleasant.

Completely unrelated, but I'm so glad I'm not the only one who remembers my DPD's guy name (big up to George!).

And also the very horrid whatever-nonsense-hermes-are-called-now delivery person, Lisa. Booooooo.

There is always the possibility that it is racism, but I suspect it's more about you being a 'stranger'. There are various reasons why they might not have answered, so don't give up on them yet. I suffer from anxiety, don't let people in my house etc, so I'd have to be having a really good day to look out and see someone unfamiliar and actually answer the door.

I hate to think that it is racism, but know sadly it can still be the case. My brother lives in a very 'classy' village where you're not from the village until a few generations down the line, and a black family moved in. When my smart-arse (white) brother greeted him cheerily one morning as he walked past, saying the name on the guy's car number plate, they got chatting. The guy said that he guessed my brother wasn't 'from' there because he'd been there about six months and not a soul had spoken to him in the village. I did wonder, if he'd spoken to any of them, but my brother didn't ask. They both assumed it was racism.

Maybe you could set your sights on a couple of households to test it out, grow some seeds, have a few spares and go and introduce yourself as ihateitalot from number XX, I have these spares and hate for them to go to waste, would you like them? You may need to catch them outside of course, but I'm sure you can start a conversation up somehow, maybe asking if there's a XX club locally or something. If you hit a brick wall, then they are indeed rude and small-minded and not the sort of people you really want in your life, surely, but people make many assumptions based on appearances, so whatever it is, or may be that's behind this response, perhaps a conversation is enough to change that. You know that you'd do it for someone else in an emergency, but as yet, they do not. I hope things improve, it doesn't sound very pleasant at all.

Also, I'm kind of shocked everyone expects to know all the neighbours in a street. I know my next door neighbours either side, I know of, but rarely have spoken to the neighbours next to them, and have not idea who else lives in this street besides a lady further down.

So glad that I and my neighbours are actually friendly. They've knocked and asked me for favours (without 24 hrs notice) and I have done similar. It's a much better way of life 😌

Posted too soon. Simply harumph about how rude their neighbours are and then crawl into the gutter to die?

Are they assuming you rent & they all own their houses? It's very rude and nasty as it could've been a medical emergency

I WFM and cant answer the door if I'm in a meeting or speaking to a customer. Yes you will see me if you look through my front window but I'm working. Also I won't hear the door in kitchen or in the garden. My daughter answered the door to my neighbour saying she need me as there was an emergency. Left my meeting and went next door to help her thinking something was wrong. She wanted help building flat pack furniture 😑 and want happy when I didn't help build it. Had fun explaining that one to my manager.

@Ihateitalot have you made the effort to introduce yourself to your new neighbours in passing since you moved in? It could just be that they don’t know you and saw you knocking on everyone’s door. It’s election time so a lot of canvasses are knocking at everyone’s door at the moment.

I really hope it wasn’t a race issue no one should be treated that way.

I hope you are ok and your door is now safe and secure xx

I never answer my door unless I am expecting someone, nor do I answer my phone! I once had police come to the door and I wouldn't answer it until they knocked on my window and showed me their police vehicle! I am elderly, but actually I have always been like it. Don't take it personally, your neighbours may be like me!

I wouldn’t know, as a white person who’s lives in various, quite different neighborhoods, and who has knocked neighbours doors in various circumstances, I’m not aware of this ever having happened to me.

Let's hope people like you never need any help from anyone.

One very obvious point not mentioned is Covid. I know people who are isolating or just not back out in the world yet, who might not want to open the door. Were you wearing a mask? Maybe they didnt recognise you if you were.

Its happened to me which is why I posted that.

I had new neighbours move in next door and I made their acqaintance through the garden fence and said hello to the kids, girls aged about 8 or so. Then one day I was locked out and rang this neighbour's door bell to ask if I could go through their house, out the back door and so get in to my back garden over the wall. I used to do this with the previous neighbour who was an old lady who never minded at all - I think she liked having a visitor. Well, on this particular occasion I rang the bell for quite a long time before finally I saw the two children looking at me through the curtains. I gestured that I live next door, smiled till my face ached, but they wouldn't open the door. Next time I saw my neighbour I mentioned it to her, not as if I was cross (I was) but as a funny story. She didn't apologise, just said that she'd told her children never to answer the door to strangers. I was gobsmacked. They knew me! I expect lots of your members will think she was being very sensible. I think she was being utterly stupid and un-neighbourly.

Well let's hope none of them ever need a favour in the future, they had no idea what happened you could have been knocking to tell them their house was on fire, its not a coincidence none of them opened the door, I know what its like when your face dont fit. I had a horrible neighbour, busybody just rude and interfering for no reason, one day she had a mental break down and was screaming in the terrace and threatening end her life, guess who was the only neighbour who opened the door and willing to wait with her for the ambulance and talk to her relative on the phone??? Imagine if I had been petty and not opened the door or just said no?

I think it's weird as hell that people would peep at you through the window then not answer door, especially if they've seen you before and know you're the neighbour.

What if you were really in need, like a medical emergency or something awful was happening.

You're not being unreasonable.

I get on with my neighbours now but we don’t socialise When I’ve lived in flats or places with lots of neighbours I actually avoided them and I would have ignored the door as I didn’t want to get drawn into neighbours drama’s or tea party circles