To not understand why none of my neighbours answered the door

[Ihateitalot]

I moved in a month ago. I needed to get 10 year old dd from school but there was an issue with my front door not closing. I could have gone out the back but there was still the issue that the front door would literally not close.

I knocked on houses to see if someone could keep an eye on my door for max 15 mins. I could see some neighbours through their windows completely ignoring me or peeking back at me and then disappearing. The neighbour across from me I couldn’t see, but while I was phoning my mum to collect dd for me she answered the door for an ASOS parcel! Just so rude.

I’m beginning to think it’s because my face doesn’t fit, if you know what I mean. Next door but one completely blank me, and have crossed the street when they see me coming. I didn’t bother knocking on theirs.
One of the neighbours across from me was initially friendly, so I thought. He came over asking who my landlord was, then preceded to blank me every time after.

I feel like moving again.

If someone who isn't delivering something knocks on my door, my life is never enhanced by engaging with them. It will always turn out that they want something from me, never that they've spontaneously decided to give me something or do something for me. So I can sort of see why people would not want to answer the door. Although I do, anyway.

No, it may not enhance your life.
Not everything is life enhancing, and we can't live as if it would be. A meter reader, the water company warning they're switching the water off, a pregnant neighbour needing an urgent lift to hospital - these door knocks have not enhanced my life, but I'm glad I answered.

So much judgement on this thread by posters who can't seem to understand why people might behave differently to them.

People are under no obligation to answer their doors or befriend their neighbours - I find that quite a bizarre expectation, to be honest.

There are all sorts of reasons I might not answer the door:

• I'm in another room/the back garden and haven't heard the door.
• I can see it's just someone advertising or a cold caller
• I'm working/on the phone
• I'm just about get in the shower/in the shower/just out of the shower
• I'm cooking and don't want to leave my food unattended in case it burns
• I'm dealing with something else and as I'm not expecting anyone/anything, don't feel the need to stop what I'm doing on someone else's say-so
• I'm tired/unwell/feel sick
• I just don't want to

None of those reasons make me rude, unfriendly or a bad person as is implied by certain posters on here 🙄

I don't want to interact with neighbours including for reasons I've mentioned uptread. That's my decision and not rude. What would be rude is opening the door and telling them to their faces. Maybe it's city living, but we all stay out of each other's way. These are strangers who just happen to live in close proximity.

Given the amount of 'omg it's 10am in the morning and someone is knocking on my door, what shall I do' type posts that we see on here I'm not at all surprised by the responses you've had sadly.

People are becoming more and more insular it seems. No one needs an excuse to not open the door, why dont people just own it and say 'I didn't want to' instead of trying to justify it. These same people are going to be stuck if they ever need help in the future.

I would have opened my door, I would have watched your door, my dh probably would have offered to see if he could fix it for you. And I'm happy to say that in the handful of times I seriously needed help my neighbours (known and unknown) have helped me.

Our area had a team of dedicated, DBS-checked volunteers who went door-to-door asking people if they needed help. In fact, that team of volunteers has existed since well before COVID and is still going now.

THEY KNOCKED ON PEOPLE'S DOORS?!!!

If this is the case , the common denominator is you. There must be some backstory?

@fUNNYfACE36

how can there be a backstory when she has been there for a month- twat

I can’t imagine a single person that wouldn’t open their door when someone is knocking.

You don’t need to imagine. There are several examples on the thread.

So glad I left the U.K

I'm glad you did too.

The backstory is you are a twat. Are you one of the racist neighbours or one of their relatives.

I would have answered and probably offered to sit in the house for 15mins. If you’re clearly a mum on a school run then what’s the issue ? I totally agree , it’s a bit odd for none of your neighbours to help or even see what you needed. It could have been something more serious !

People are under no obligation to answer their doors or befriend their neighbours - I find that quite a bizarre expectation, to be honest.

Of course you don’t have to befriend your neighbours, but it does make life a lot easier if you are cordial with them. I find it quite a bizarre expectation that people want to be deliberately hostile towards their neighbours TBH.

DH is an introvert and uncomfortable with people he doesn’t know, but he is never rude or hostile towards people. He has the social awareness to realise that being friendly and polite towards people oils the wheels of society.

• I'm in another room/the back garden and haven't heard the door. - fine
• I can see it's just someone advertising or a cold caller - you don’t know whether the cold caller is knocking because they have just seen someone trying to break into your car
• I'm working/on the phone - fine
• I'm just about get in the shower/in the shower/just out of the shower - fine
• I'm cooking and don't want to leave my food unattended in case it burns - fine
• I'm dealing with something else and as I'm not expecting anyone/anything, don't feel the need to stop what I'm doing on someone else's say-so – not OK
• I'm tired/unwell/feel sick - fine
• I just don't want to – not OK

And while I was in the middle of writing this a friend has just called round with a bag full of beer for DH who has repaired her computer. It’s a good job we answer our door

OP, I am so so very sorry you are in this situation, if I were in your shoes I would be considering moving house again - absolutely dreadful. But what is even worse is the wealth of similarly minded attitudes on here. I was not aware that MN has a running theme of not answering the bleedin door, I am appalled they are in “good” company. I have never behaved like this, never will, and have so far been lucky in our neighbours. I’m from Northern Ireland, have lived in Scotland, England and France - I’ve only come across this despicable attitude in England, I’ve also some lovely friends in England and they would never have let you suffer. Racism or not, this is terrible. Suggest if you have the money, do some improvement works (too bad if the noise is antisocial), make a profit and move to a better neighbourhood. The thing about working from home - it’s expected we will be interrupted, I wfh too. So sad
and really feel for you.

But what is even worse is the wealth of similarly minded attitudes on here.

I agree. There are some really miserable and misanthropic people on here.

I get on well with my neighbours, and was chatting over the fence with one yesterday. She invited me round for a cup of tea and a flapjack. She is lonely as her DH has severe Alzheimer's and she just wants some adult conversation. Sitting in her beautiful garden on a warm sunny day for half an hour wasn't exactly a hardship for me.

If something happened to a child you were asked to mind for 15 minutes like a seizure or just anything, or the mum, dad, child couldn't find their watch, ipad or game or money went missing only to be found later, would YOU like the finger of suspicion to fall on you as being the last person in the house?
Would you? Really. Gossip on social media can do untold damage even if it's later found to be untrue.
This is not a woman well known in the community. She has been there for 4 weeks. No-one knows anything about her nor she about them.
In those circumstances, I certainly wouldn't 'mind the door' for anyone, regardless of race, height, political leanings or colour of their car.

Bloody hell, some people on here live with ridiculous amounts of paranoia (not you, OP!).

you don’t know whether the cold caller is knocking because they have just seen someone trying to break into your car

I can see my car from my window as it's right outside the door 😉

I'm dealing with something else and as I'm not expecting anyone/anything, don't feel the need to stop what I'm doing on someone else's say-so – not OK

I just don't want to – not OK

Why on earth do you think I should always answer my door, even if I'm busy or don't feel like it? It's my house. If I want to sit in it and ignore people, that's my prerogative.

Knocking on my door is an invitation to me to answer it. It shouldn't put me under pressure or obligation to do so - and the fact that so many people think it should makes them the rude ones, IMO.

I thought the woman who said this thread ‘Breaks my heart’ was going to win the Most Ridiculously OTT Response Award. Yet suddenly, a new contender has emerged.

Exactly. The idea that we should all be sitting in a delighted state of anticipation at the prospect of an unexpected caller is laughable.

you don’t know whether the cold caller is knocking because they have just seen someone trying to break into your car

This is a massive stretch of the imagination. A cold caller just happens to be there as this happens, and therefore abandons their plan to flog you double glazing in order to do you a favour? (Rather than shouting ‘Oi, hands off!’ at the thief?)

No one said people should be waiting in a delighted state of anticipation. Ridiculous hyperbole.

Doors very often become faulty, what are you implying!?!🙄

Bit of a stretch to declare the neighbours racist because they don’t answer the door.

I don’t answer the door, clearly this thread shows lots of people don’t answer the door. I don’t answer it to white people though so is that okay?

Cant understand the vitriol towards people who don’t want to answer their door, I couldn’t care less if others answer theirs or not.

No more hyperbolic than describing not answering the door as ‘heartbreaking’ and ‘despicable’…

As usual the CONTEXT of the OP has been completely forgotten about.

Of course it’s not racist to not answer yr door.

But the neighbours in question were standing in their front rooms, watching the OP, making eye contact with her, whose faces she could clearly see & recognise, meaning they would have known that she was the new person that’s moved into the rented place across the road.

She tried in vain while people were watching & making eye contact with her.

Nobody needs to answer their door even if it was on fire if they don’t want to.

But I’d def want better neighbours than those who think it’s ok to make eye contact & blatantly watch what’s going on & yet ignore the door to someone who cld for all they know be in distress.

Go & have ur shower . Go & put the kids to bed or whatever it is you need to do.

The context is all important. If you are one of those people who stare at people from your own home when they are trying to make contact witb you, but then ignore them, then you’re just plain weird & rude period!!

Go out the room! Stop making eye contact. Close the curtains. It’s yr home but come on.

I answer my door out of curiosity. I want to know why someone has knocked. We seldom get cold callers selling stuff or Jehovah's witnesses. It is usually a delivery, a friend or a neighbour collecting a parcel I have taken in for them.

I'm not paranoid, not do I think I am far too important to open my door. TBH until I joined mumsnet I have never come across anyone who never opens their door to anyone.