To say no to people who want to hold my baby

[pearlsandpetals]

Okay so hear me out first !

My baby is 4 months old and we are going through a very clingy phase where she is very attached to me and doesn't like to be held by anyone other than me or my partner and some very close family who she sees regularly. She is also a very calm baby who hates lots of stimulation and has been that way since birth.

Now we have a family event coming up and a few family members who we don't see as often will be there. One of them is my partner's dad and I know he will be wanting to hold the baby and walk around with her and generally make a big fuss of her. I know this comes from a place of good intentions but I know this will distress my baby. Last time this happened he said he would take her outside and walk around with her and this only made things worse. I don't want to put my baby in another situation like this to make her upset and distressed.

Question is am I being unreasonable as I know that these are family who just want to see my baby, and if not how do I handle it in a polite way not to offend anyone

YABVVVVVVVVU to not let your child's grandparent hold her.

I think you are being unreasonable. How is she meant to get to know and bond with family?

@CuriousCatfish I was going to ask the same question. I could bet they are!

Grandparent entitlement greatly irritates me, especially because the child will start screaming and get into a tizz and then promptly be handed back to you to calm down and then comments inevitably made about parenting.

My MIL will try and take my son off me and he just starts bawling. The child clearly isn’t comfortable, leave them be, why distress them.
they are children not show ponies, they don’t need to be taken around and ‘shown off’ for the grand parent to be centre of attention

He will hand her back pronto if she starts screaming.

I’ve got a 4 month old DD who is in a clingy stage so I get what you mean. However, I’ve no issue with people holding her but if she gets upset I just take her back off them

YABU because you expect everyone to back you up and agree with your decision.

You sound totally PFB which comes from a good place but you're wrong to prevent something from happening before it even happens.

Also I don’t get people saying you’re wrong for this xyz… your child, your choice. It’s that simple. If you’re not comfortable then you’re not comfortable.

Well you're definitely one of those mothers aren't you...

To be honest I was expecting these kinds of responses.

Pretty weird to bother posting then.

FWIW, my daughter was pretty clingy at that age. I gave her to people, they gave her back because she was crying. It wasn't a big deal. Sometimes people persevered a bit longer, and sometimes she'd relax and sometimes she wouldn't. That also wasn't a big deal.

Life is as hard as you make it.

This thread has bemused me. Are we really at the point that babies must never cry?

Wondering if:

1. OP doesn't like gramps?
2. Baby genuinely doesn't like being held by family members (I had one of these - we later discovered she is autistic)
3. OP has created a situation where baby has never been exposed to others and now cries. Baby would benefit from contact with people.

It’s entirely possible that children don’t like a specific individual too.

both of mine dislike my MIL

Why post then? You clearly just wanted validation and agreement.

Your baby doesn’t sound calm, she sounds highly strung probably because she’s feeding off your neuroses. Just chill out and let other people have a cuddle fgs.

‘Didn’t want your agreement ANYWAY!’

You’re being very unreasonable you’re not going to allow her grandad to hold her. Babies of 4 months are a bit young to be going through clingy stages. Ask him to stay nearby if you’re concerned but she will soon calm down if distracted. Don’t be that DIL.

@pearlsandpetals do you let your parents hold her ???

if so then show some respect for your partners parents and let them share the joy of their grandchild too

I’m sure if she was “scared” and crying he will love her enough to give her straight back to you

It’s entirely possible that children don’t like a specific individual too. both of mine dislike my MIL

You mean their grandma?

@FabulousKilljoysexactly !! you can see how this happens …

what goes around comes around, their sons wives will do the same to them … “my child doesn’t like MIL” LOL 😂

I had a similar situation with one of my DD Uncles he use to say ridiculous things like it's good for their lungs to scream. I'm more annoyed at myself thinking back that I wasn't more assertive. Although we didn't see him often so it wasn't really a big issue.
Overall I don't think I would stop people holding her but if you think the Grandfather will not hand her back if she does get upset then I yes I think your right not to let him.
I feel like this has become one of them harsh gas lighting posts. Yes it's ok to say the OP is being unreasonable but all these sarcastic comments about the baby being a PFB. Then having a go at the OP because she snapped back.
I also disagree about how being held by lots of people is how DC gets used to it. Most go through this stage and come out of it naturally. My DD hated men (with the exception of DH and GF) so she was very rarely held by men for the first 12 months. She just grew out of it I didn't force her to be held by them .

Yes, their parental blood grandmother. They are fine with my mother and my step MIL, but they don’t like paternal GM…

I wouldn’t force myself on a child though.

MN is wild, cries child abuse at any form of sleep training but it’s totally cool to play pass the parcel with a child that’s distressed and screaming because ‘oh grandparents’.

grandparent entitlement blows my mind.

Righto, why did you bother posting then?

Totally agree with this

My sentiment exactly

OP you have really brought them out today! Very adolescent responses to say the least.

Babies can be super clingy one month and go to the Postman the next. It’s absolutely no reflection on your parenting. I find it passes more quickly if you don’t force the issue.
it’s all very well saying people hand crying babies back but a lot definitely don’t. Walking off down the road is petty & selfish.
Try to let him hold her for a minute or so and take her back if you feel she’s too distressed. You know what’s best for her. She’s your baby. They’ve had theirs.