To give my 18 year old a deadline to move out?

[Myturnatlast]

I've been a single mum to her for 10 years and we're incredibly close but DP and I want to move in together so things are going to have to change.
His place is big enough for her to have her own room if she wants to come with me but she's already said she wants to live on her own / with friends.
She's on quite a low wage though and I'm worried about how long it might take for her to find somewhere and don't want to put my happiness and financial well-being on hold indefinitely while she gets sorted.
I'm thinking of giving her a 6 month deadline to find somewhere or come and live with us (she gets on just fine with DP). Would I be unreasonable to do this?

I’ve been a single mum to 2 kids for a very long time. I have an 18 year old and would not give an 18 year old a deadline to move out ! At the end of the day your child still needs you and this is quite a young age to make such high demands.

I wouldn't want to move in with an adult male stranger at a home that didn't feel like I had any right to be there either.

5 months? Slow right down.

Exactly!

how can anyone disagree with that!?

anyone?

@LuckySantangelo35 people are disagreeing because she’s only been with her boyfriend for 5 months so it’s not fair to give her 18 year the choice between moving in with a practical stranger or moving out on their own with hardly any money.

Er, isn’t it obvious?!

If not () then what @Onwards22 said.

I don't really understand the issue. Tell her you are planning to move in x months, and if she hasn't found a place she'll have to come with.

I’m amazed at the people who seem to be as nasty as the OP. Poor kids, your mum wants a shag, time to piss off.

Agree

You sound awful

I would never get my 18 year old to move out, just so I could go and live with someone. You could go and stay there if you want to sometimes or he could move in to yours, if you have a family you should come as a package. She's 18 not 28. X

If his place is big enough why Not all move in there now

why wait 6mths

you Arnt kicking her out. There is always a room for her there I assume

she may struggle to find somewhere Eve. With friends

if a low wage and prob on nmw as well

Why is a woman not moving her and her teenage daughter in with a man she’s been with for 5 months?

seriously?

You're putting your man before your daughter.
She's on a low wage and you expect her to be able to move out? Even people years older than her in better paying jobs struggle to make it on their own in these times. Should be obvious really.
Not saying she will never move out but I know no 18 year olds unless they moved away for uni who live alone and are able financially to do so.

Little one 👍🏻😂😂

dod you misunderstand, she's 18 Years old, not months.

she's choosing not to move with her mum, she wants to be independent, HER chouce.

@Myturnatlast

Would it not be possible for him to move in with you instead?

Little one 👍🏻😂😂

dod you misunderstand, she's 18 Years old, not months.

she's choosing not to move with her mum, she wants to be independent, HER chouce.

@Myturnatlast

Would it not be possible for him to move in with you instead?

You've been with this guy for five months. You're being extremely hasty moving in with him so quickly regardless of your daughter.

Agree.

Prioritising a 5-month shag piece over your daughter, and pitching it as in aid of your own ‘happiness’ and ‘financial well-being’ is … quite something.

The obliviousness of the irony, and the lack of self-awareness is next level.

Yeah I agree 5 months is too soon regardless of whether you are a mother or not.

but I just don’t buy the whole - you’re a mother therefore your kids always come first even when they’re no longer kids and you and your needs/wants should accept being bottom of the pile for ever more as that’s what you sign up for when you become a mother

@LoveSpringDaffs

”Think carefully... please. For the sake of your little one.”

get a grip!

OP’s daughter is 18 years old, a young adult!

setting aside the whole 5 months issue, op isn’t kicking her daughter out- daughter is choosing herself to go

she's choosing not to move with her mum, she wants to be independent, HER chouce.

no she doesn’t. If that’s what she wanted she’d have done it already, or have made plans.

she hasn’t chosen that.

she’s simply “chosen” not wanting to live with a man her mother has been with for 5 months

but I just don’t buy the whole - you’re a mother therefore your kids always come first even when they’re no longer kids and you and your needs/wants should accept being bottom of the pile for ever more as that’s what you sign up for when you become a mother

There are ways and means of ensuring one’s own wellbeing and happiness, without throwing their kid’s under the bus.

Most people manage it perfectly well.

I didn’t suggest you said that. Look outside the box, an 18 year old doesn’t want to move in with a man she doesn’t know. The OP said in her OP don't want to put my happiness and financial well-being on hold indefinitely while she gets sorted.. Poor girl, and awful parenting imo.

"don't want to put my happiness and financial well-being on hold indefinitely"

I think this is really sad. Your children come before you (or at least they should). She's still so young.

I think many have read the title and not what you mean
You have said there is room at your dp and that she is welcome. So what you need to do is tell her you are moving in on xyz date and then its up to her if she moves with you or chooses to find a place with friemds etc

She might be told she's welcome but a sensible 18 year old young woman is unlikely to want to live with a man her mother happens to have been dating for 20 weeks. Because he's basically a stranger.