To think my dentist is very stuck up

[cuppateaandabiccie]

Was at the dentist today for my routine check up. I have never had a problem with her before in all the years I have been a patient at her surgery, but today it just felt like she was in a foul mood but I think she came across as quite stuck up and arrogant.

let’s say I’m called Sandra and say she’s called Barbara Brown (just a random name) officially she is called Dr Brown.


i was waiting at reception to be called for my appointment, she came to reception and called my name so I got up and walked over and I said “hi Barbara, how are you” then her response was quite sharp.

she had a face like thunder and she said something like “Sorry Sandra, my name is Dr Brown. In future, you call me Dr Brown”

I was really shocked and taken aback - there was no conversation from her during my appointment, usually she is quite chatty and friendly. All she did was tut and sigh.

AIBU to think this was quite unprofessional and arrogant? Why can’t I call her by her first name? She’s not God!

[MrsFezziwig]

And considering there are about two threads a day on here about people who can’t find a dentist for love nor money (and don’t have the funds to “just go private”) I’m laughing at people’s advice to immediately find another dentist.

Assuming she carried out your treatment correctly, and you have never had any problems with her in the past, I would give her the benefit of the doubt on this one occasion. If she’s the same when you see her next time, that to me would be the time to take it further.

[StrawberryPot]

If you can go private, you can take your pick. I pay privately so no way I’m putting up with a moody bastard.

Not necessarily true. An awful lot of private dentists aren't taking on new patients. My (private) dentist often tells me how dire things are with so many dentists leaving the profession, how difficult it is to recruit dental nurses and how they can't take on new patients because their existing ones now have to wait months for a routine appointment. She seems very stressed about the whole situation. And as pp said, private dentistry is horrifically expensive. I've spent thousands over the past couple of years on fairly routine treatment.

[BackAgain777]

""but only MD's are true doctors""

Absolutely untrue. Traditionally only people with a research doctorate were permitted to "doctors".
MDs (I presume you're from the States) are not true doctors, in the sense that their title is an honorary one and has become commonplace through usage. They are physicians, not doctors, if you want to be technical. Unless they have a PhD they do not hold a doctorate in the real sense.
But actually , no-one really cares these days. It's a bit of friendly banter between people who have the titles. Our cardiologist friend is a Dr, so is DH who is a PhD. They are both legally allowed to use the title.
People with PhDs have done their 4 year degree course and then another 4 - 6 years working on their PhD, it's a far longer process than the 4 year medical degree, so if you want to argue that only "MDs" are real doctors, I would counter that 10 years of specific and intense study gaining your PhD "tops" a medical degree (but I am biased I understand!).

[TheKeatingFive]

Whoops wrong thread

[Reallyreallyborednow]

If you had a medical emergency and you only had the option to choose between a dentist, veterinarian, doctor of philosophy, or a medical doctor which one would you choose to save your life?

if my dog had a medical emergency I would want a vet. If I had a dental medical emergency I’d want a dentist. If I had a novel disease I needed a cure for I’d want a PhD.

and actually, if I had a medical emergency, i wouldn’t necessarily take a medical doctor. I would rather have a trauma nurse, paramedic, a trauma trained police officer, or even a competent first aider over a dermatologist, palliative care practitioner or most GP’s who haven’t had any experience of emergency care in decades.

medical dr’s aren’t all life saving gods rushing around delivering CPR. You watch too much tv.

[cookiemonster2468]

It's OK for her to ask you to call her what she wants to be called. She might find first names too familiar, for whatever reason - that's her perogative. You could do the same and ask to be called by title and surname if you wanted.

The way she did it was rude, though.

[cookiemonster2468]

@cuppateaandabiccie

I never have called her by her name at all, I just said hi “Barbara” without thinking. I didn’t think it would be a problem.

i do think if she wants me to call her by her title then she needs to call me by my title

Well, not really. Some healthcare practices have a general policy that they call patients by first names because most people these days do tend to prefer it. If you expressed a preference for surname then she would use that I'm sure.

She expressed a preference which is fine and she is allowed to do that.

But the way she did it wasn't very professional, and it sounds like her mood was concerning to you. That could impact on her practice so understandable a concern. I think the name is the wrong thing to focus on - it's more about her general demeanour.

[_nellie_]

Hello,
I used to work in a dental practice that was allowed to be very formal with patients, all the dentists were known by their first names. New owner bought the practice and we as staff weren't even allowed to call the dentists by their first name. We were told we had to correct patients who called dentists by their first names too, it was really difficult.

I'd say if she's not had an issue before it's more on the owners/ management of the practice than her

[Angrymum22]

@mihimagna

She wishes that she was a real doctor as in Medical Doctor. She couldn't hack it, so resorted to being a dentist. All sorts of pepple can be referred to as a "doctor" but only MD's are true doctors. If you had a medical emergency and you only had the option to choose between a dentist, veterinarian, doctor of philosophy, or a medical doctor which one would you choose to save your life?

As a dentist I deeply resent that comment. Dentistry is a vocation and to be be fare would you spend your working life elbow deep in plaque, calculus, last weeks Sunday lunch and the lovely smell of periodontal disease without a vocation. The entry requirements are high and failed medics are not considered in applications I’m afraid.
I chose dentistry over medicine because I wanted a job that involved using my hands ( I’m actually a talented artist but didn’t see a future in that) dealing with people and the challenge of diagnosis. But as I’ve said before we all have our off days. I suffered multiple miscarriages, you can imagine how difficult it was treating and seeing pregnant women and new mothers in the months following a miscarriage. But you fix your smile and go into your professional zone. You only break down after the patient has left the room.
I now only work as an associate so I’m just a dentist at work, however for 26 yrs I owned and ran the practice. Throughout the working day, not only do you have to see patients but also fast manage any problems going on with the business. Some days I would be chief plumber/electrician, complaint resolver, staff manager and fixer of younger dentists problems ( removing teeth they had made a mess of trying to extract) all while calmly treating my own full list of patients.
A bad day is a bad day wherever you work. I know that you shouldn’t drop the act but sometimes it’s just impossible to maintain it.

[pigsDOfly]

@strrawberriesandcream

Babdoc
I’m older generation (in my 60s), and, for most of my contemporaries, Christian names are for friends and family only - one waits for permission to use them for anyone else.
So in your example, you would always address her as (title surname), unless or until she says “Oh please call me (Christian name)”.
I must admit, I grit my teeth if a young nurse addresses me by first name instead of Dr Babdoc! It is disrespectful and cheeky.

----

We're not in the 1950s anymore, times have changed and people are far less formal than they used to be.
You need to make absolutely clear how you expect to be addressed in work otherwise it is generally the norm for people to use first names by default.

It's definitely not disrespectful or cheeky. Referring to someone as 'young nurse' is quite condescending.

Given that we are living in a very multi cultural society and you're a stickler for getting things correct and wanting people to be respectful, might I suggest that talking about people's Christian names is a tad outdated.

A large percentage of our population are not Christian and don't have 'Christian' names.

[ForTheLoveOfSleep]

@mihimagna

She wishes that she was a real doctor as in Medical Doctor. She couldn't hack it, so resorted to being a dentist. All sorts of pepple can be referred to as a "doctor" but only MD's are true doctors. If you had a medical emergency and you only had the option to choose between a dentist, veterinarian, doctor of philosophy, or a medical doctor which one would you choose to save your life?

Don't be a twat. Surely it depends on the medical emergency? Being a "medical" Doctor doesn't make you all knowing or a superior being. There are different doctors for every part of the body. Cardiologist (heart), ENTs (ear, nose & throat), neurologists (brain), dentists (oral health), orthopedics (bones). All are medical proffessionals that you would see dependent on your conditions. No way would I go to a GP for a dental abcess or any kind of tooth pain.

[wtfisgoingonhere21]

@cuppateaandabiccie

You are absolutely right here in that she was clearly in a foul mood beforehand and was very unprofessional

My boss has done the same many times either by speaking rudely to us staff or being very abrupt with clients and they don't come back

I can just see how the dental nurse looked because we are like it here.

It's embarrassing and rude and in professional

Never any reason to be rude really so the posters saying you were rude you bloody wernt.

What's happened to people that they think it's ok for someone providing a service to speak to customers or patients like shit and get away with it.

I just couldn't get worked up if someone called me the wrong name etc. it's pretty petty in the grand scheme of things.

Op I would ring and complain about her rudeness and unprofessional manner and let them know you won't be going back

[10HailMarys]

If she really wants to be called Dr Brown instead of Barbara, that's up to her, but snapping at you like that was out of order; she could easily have explained politely or even made a joke of it so you didn't feel awkward.

[MajorCarolDanvers]

@mihimagna

She wishes that she was a real doctor as in Medical Doctor. She couldn't hack it, so resorted to being a dentist. All sorts of pepple can be referred to as a "doctor" but only MD's are true doctors. If you had a medical emergency and you only had the option to choose between a dentist, veterinarian, doctor of philosophy, or a medical doctor which one would you choose to save your life?

Ah bless here we have the winner for the most ignorant post on the thread.
Anyone with doctoral qualification is a 'real doctor'.

Those with a medical doctorate can practice medicine
Those with a dentistry doctorate can practice dentistry
Those with other types of doctorates are qualified to the highest level of university degree in their respective fields.

They are all real.

[Walkaround]

So you have known your dentist a long time, never had a problem with her, but now all of a sudden find her stuck up. Tbh, that makes you sound almost as histrionic as she did. If you think you know someone well enough to use their first name and have never had a problem with them ever before despite having known them a long time, then I think you know them well enough to give them the benefit of the doubt on this occasion and assume their unusual behaviour has an understandable cause, rather than to jump to the conclusion that they are stuck up. Who knows if she is menopausal, going through a serious crisis in her personal life, having an exceptionally bad day, having trouble with patients becoming too familiar and stalking her, or genuinely just offended by your random decision to call her Sandra (are you sure that’s her name?😂), but you cannot have it both ways: if you expect someone to act professionally, it’s better to treat them as a professional rather than a personal friend.

[Walkaround]

Ha - I see you are actually calling her Barbara in your post. See how easy it is to let the wrong name slip out 🤣

[Fullsomefrenchie]

I thought dentists were allowed to call themselves dr, but it’s a courtesy title and they should never actually imply they are actually a doctor, as they are not. Well not unless they hold a different qualification.

so I think getting the arse over a courtesy title is odd as fuck. Because “courtesy” means pretend, let’s be honest.

[Jillyfernilly]

As a female medical doctor I rarely get given my professional title by patients. I have a degree of sympathy with the dentist and agree with the poster up thread about using first names being a power game (I use it myself sometimes when senior male surgeons are being dicks e.g deliberately referring to the professor of surgery as Alan not prof! I do the opposite with the female prof I anaesthetise for. Always give her her title as it irritates me to watch the team fawning over her more junior colleagues by using their titles and then calling her Elaine.

I have lost count of the number of times patients/family members refer to me as a nurse.

It isn't just about my own status it's that I worry patients don't listen properly or give what I say enough importance as they are waiting for a mythical person with a penis to come and explain the same stuff. I care for some complex patients and not infrequently have to consent for risks of paralysis/ blindness/ death etc. I would hate for them not to listen properly because they don't think I'm the doctor.

[Reallyreallyborednow]

thought dentists were allowed to call themselves dr, but it’s a courtesy title and they should never actually imply they are actually a doctor, as they are not. Well not unless they hold a different qualification.

so I think getting the arse over a courtesy title is odd as fuck. Because “courtesy” means pretend, let’s be honest

it’s courtesy title for medics, too, unless they hold a PhD.

so only PhD or DPhil graduates should call themselves Dr? Everyone else, medics, dentists, vets, who “only” hold an undergrad degree are just playing pretend?

[serenghetti2011]

I’m a nurse and worked for 15 years in the same ward. Fy2 etc and spreg would tell you to use their first names which is fine, if that’s what they prefer but the consultants were all dr whatever some of the other nurses who had worked with them since they were registrars would be on first name terms, however there are some who prefer their title and surname and that’s fine. They need to establish professional boundaries.

I hate dentists (not personally) so i go to a lovely one who is called Mary and it’s all very relaxed and she’s really caring as she knows I’m petrified - years of traumatic orthodontic work then oral surgery has had a v negative effect. But Mary has got me to the point I don’t need sedation so she’s really wonderful. The hygienist is brutal though I avoid like the plague. You caught dr brown on a bad day op, who knows why but I know even if there is a shit show going on at home I put my game face on at work and get on with it, it’s not the poor parents, babies and kids fault that I’ve got stuff going on at home. So for 12 hours I put it to one side. If I can’t then I don’t go to work. It’s hard but never have I snapped at someone.

[BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation]

I think people who have a healthy self esteem don't get hung up on titles or job status.

[satelliteheart]

Honestly I don't even know my dentist's surname. When I first saw him he introduced himself by first name and all the reception staff refer to him by first name only

I agree with pp, I'd have responded "in that case it's not Sandra, it's Mrs/miss/ms Smith"

[LilacWines]

I think you should have called her Doctor. As others have said, female HCPs often get their titles dropped, ignored or reduced to a first name. You also see it in politics where male politicians will refer to women by their first name not Ms or Mrs whoever, but never do it to me. I don't think she should have snapped at you but also she's human. I am amazed at the energy that most HCPs put into their interactions, i would find it utterly exhausting.

[gymNamaste]

@SilverGlassHare

I wouldn’t call anyone I was seeing in a professional capacity by their first name, unless previously invited to do so. But in your situation I’d have said, ‘Actually, it’s Mrs/Ms/Dr/Rev Cuppa.”

Really what jobs apart from teaching do people not use first names these days ? I have no idea what most colleagues surnames are unless I email them. I certainly don't introduce myself as Mrs Namaste