To think my dentist is very stuck up

[cuppateaandabiccie]

Was at the dentist today for my routine check up. I have never had a problem with her before in all the years I have been a patient at her surgery, but today it just felt like she was in a foul mood but I think she came across as quite stuck up and arrogant.

let’s say I’m called Sandra and say she’s called Barbara Brown (just a random name) officially she is called Dr Brown.

i was waiting at reception to be called for my appointment, she came to reception and called my name so I got up and walked over and I said “hi Barbara, how are you” then her response was quite sharp.

she had a face like thunder and she said something like “Sorry Sandra, my name is Dr Brown. In future, you call me Dr Brown”

I was really shocked and taken aback - there was no conversation from her during my appointment, usually she is quite chatty and friendly. All she did was tut and sigh.

AIBU to think this was quite unprofessional and arrogant? Why can’t I call her by her first name? She’s not God!

What a twat. 😂

Although I don’t think I’ve ever called my dentist by any name and I’ve been a patient of hers for 15 years. I just say hi. She’s lovely though and I’m very grateful for that as I’ve had a couple of very abrupt dentists before that. Put her in your phone as Dr. Twat.

She was just horrible today. That’s the worst I’ve ever seen her. So tense and moody.

im already dreading my next appointment! Seriously considering putting in a complaint to the practice manager!

But is she a good dentist?

Remember HCPs are human too and have bad days, it doesn't mean it is okay, but so long as she didn't following her snappy retort with a dental extraction without local anaethesia then just accept that maybe she has some nasty shit going on in her life and be compassionate and grateful that she came to work rather than calling in sick/ compassionate leave, and thus cancelling your appointment.

Her poor dental nurse looked anxious. Her face said it all.

You don't know someone's circumstances. Anything could have happened to put her in a bad mood, we all have our off days.
As for Dr, that's her title, she has worked hard for it & achieved it.
If you're not normally chitty chatty or on first term names, then I would refer to her as Dr anyway.

Why is it rude to call you by your name? such a bizarre and antiquated viewpoint

I was thinking exactly this. I’m a doctor and used to introduce myself by my first name until I got fed up of being referred to as a nurse, when my male colleagues were always correctly identified as doctors.

And, no, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with nurses, but I’m not one and it’s important the patient understands the role of the clinician they’ve seen. It’s the everyday sexism that got to me. I now no longer introduce myself by my first name.

to the PP who asked, she isn’t young. She’s in her mid 50s

It seems that the trend now is for younger GPs to call themselves Dr Christian name. I like that. They are still a doctor but the first name only softens things, makes things a bit friendlier / warmer

I think it’s a reaction to sexism they face, I’ve worked with doctors for years and noticed female doctors are often assumed to be nurses and male members of staff are often assumed to be doctors. I’ve heard female doctors be called “love”and “bab” by patients and other staff, this never happens to male doctors. Unless I know a doctor well I will always refer to them as Dr X as a sign of respect. So I can’t really blame her for insisting people refer to her by her title at work, she’s worked hard for it and probably has y frequently assume she’s not a doctor because of her sex.

Well you've never had a problem with her before in all the years you've been seeing her - your words. Do you know her personally? Otherwise it does seem very odd to call her by her first name.

She was rude and weird, I work at a University and we call everyone including the Vice-Chancellor by their first names. I’d be asking her to call you Mrs/Ms … and going elsewhere. A PhD / doctoral qual is not that impressive especially if your social skills are shit.

YABU.

She is a dentist, she was at work, and you are her patient.

Maybe she's had one too many run ins with patients who assume because she's a woman they can be more familiar than she's comfortable with.

You should respect the fact that she worked hard to get that Dr in front of her name, and use her title when you are seeing her professionally.

Unless you're bosom pals you should also use it if you bump into her in the supermarket, etc.

Agree with @Babdoc.

It's disrespectful and cheeky to assume first names are ok in a professional setting.

A PhD / doctoral qual is not that impressive especially if your social skills are shit

in my experience most postdocs only use Dr in writing. Day to day it’s first names.

Most dentists aren’t post doctoral though. The Dr is a courtesy title for a postgrad.

In the uk most dentists qualify with a BDS ( bachelor of dental surgery) some with BChd.
Many countries award DDS ( Doctor of dental surgery) so many dentists who work in this country and qualified abroad are legitimately doctors ( unlike most medical doctors who use an honorary title).
I qualified pre 1995 and have never been keen on the Dr title. Most of my patients have known me for years and call me by my Christian name.
We are human though and sometimes are carrying more than just the stress of the job. If you had seen me yesterday evening just after the bank had phoned to let me know someone was using my credit card fraudulently I may not have been my usual chirpy self. Also last year when I had to go back into work after being given a diagnosis of breast cancer I may not have been the happy sole I normally am.
We all have shit days and occasionally you get a glimpse of the real human being behind the professional mask. It doesn’t happen often but there will be a good reason for it.
Oh and it was my bloody teenage son who had inadvertently used my credit card on iTunes. He thought he had beaten the system when his card was declined. He didn’t realise it defaulted to my card and thought he’d managed to buy some in App stuff without being charged. My nurse claim d she could see steam coming from my ears🤣

My dentist practice (in the US) uses Dr Firstname for all of the dentists in the office, male and female, and even when they're addressing each other at work. It's a family business and they all have the same surname, which accounts for the use of the first names, but they still obv prefer to keep that distance between patient and dentist, and accord each other the professional respect that is owed to each one.

If I ever bump into any of them when out and about (we live in the same general neck of the woods) I say Hi Dr Firstname. We're not friends socially so I would never assume a first name only would be ok.

Soul not sole ( I was a bit of a wet fish though after my diagnosis)

@Babdoc I couldn’t imagine anyone daring to call you “Bab” instead of “Dr Bab”.

but yeah, dentists can call themselves Dr X. I know a couple of dentists who are also phds.

Forgot to add - the dental nurse went out of the room momentarily and she didnt close the door behind her - Dr Brown went over and slammed it shut - i actually felt the windows vibrate!

@OP you were rude to call her by her first name. Have you ever called her by her first name before in all the yrs you've been at the practice and does everyone else call her Barbara i.e other patients? there's your answer. You were trying to get fresh with her.

I do think it's strange that you called your dentist by her first name. She is a professional and you're her patient. However, she was rude and didn't need to speak to you like that!

@Prestissimo I'm a GP in the exact situation and recognise the dynamic you talk about. I do have one gorgeous wee old man who calls me 'hen' then says sorry then calls me 'hen' again and I love him. For everyone else, apart from kids, I'm Doctor and I do correct people who use my first name. I do however address patients by their title and surname unless they are children or very young adults.

cuppateaandabiccie

Forgot to add - the dental nurse went out of the room momentarily and she didnt close the door behind her - Dr Brown went over and slammed it shut - i actually felt the windows vibrate!

Anything else you forgot to add?
And does it make a difference as to what you call her?

I wish you had answered

"Ok in that case don't call me Sandra - my names is Mrs Cuppateaandabiccie"

I would change dentists.