To think my dentist is very stuck up

[cuppateaandabiccie]

Was at the dentist today for my routine check up. I have never had a problem with her before in all the years I have been a patient at her surgery, but today it just felt like she was in a foul mood but I think she came across as quite stuck up and arrogant.

let’s say I’m called Sandra and say she’s called Barbara Brown (just a random name) officially she is called Dr Brown.

i was waiting at reception to be called for my appointment, she came to reception and called my name so I got up and walked over and I said “hi Barbara, how are you” then her response was quite sharp.

she had a face like thunder and she said something like “Sorry Sandra, my name is Dr Brown. In future, you call me Dr Brown”

I was really shocked and taken aback - there was no conversation from her during my appointment, usually she is quite chatty and friendly. All she did was tut and sigh.

AIBU to think this was quite unprofessional and arrogant? Why can’t I call her by her first name? She’s not God!

Personally I always think it is an obnoxious power play to insist on being called Dr X but call the patient By their first name. I, the medic, am showing that I am more important than you the mere patient.

Either it is Dr Brown and Miss Smith or Barbara (perhaps Dr Barbara) and Sandra.

But then my corporate background is that even at huge international listed companies even the CEO and chairman will be known internally and to clients by their first names.

Another dentist here, something had obviously happened before you arrived. We are all human, her behaviour was off but I have had awful news, a row with another team member etc, and you have to carry on working. I spent one poor person's treatment intermittently sobbing having just had devastating news.

If your interactions have previously been fine and you want to I would attend next time but if you don't and there is another dentist in the practice you can ask to be moved.

I'm mostly called by my first name but I have been seeing most of my patients for years. I introduce myself as first name+surname and let them decide. I'm always aware I'm invading people's personal space and often working on them for a long time so them having to say Dr+surname feels very formal when I've spent 45 minutes leaning over them. I vary in how I address people and usually take my cue from them. My older patients are always title+surname unless they say otherwise.

^I’m older generation (in my 60s), and, for most of my contemporaries, Christian names are for friends and family only - one waits for permission to use them for anyone else.
So in your example, you would always address her as (title surname), unless or until she says “Oh please call me (Christian name)”.
I must admit, I grit my teeth if a young nurse addresses me by first name instead of Dr Babdoc! It is disrespectful and cheeky^

To me this comment highlights the unfortunate "us and them" attitude in healthcare that can indirectly lead to poor outcomes. Effective teamwork relies on mutual respect and breaking down barriers between all members of the team, because you are all working together for the best patient outcomes. Unfortunately, I've worked with the odd consultant who insists on being Miss So-and-So to everyone, and it usually goes along with an attitude that is unapproachable. The worst thing you can be as a doctor is unapproachable to the nurses/midwives/junior doctors etc because that's when people will hesitate to escalate problems and leave things longer than they should. This was even highlighted as one of the issues in the Ockenden report! I should note that I am talking about people who work together regularly, if interacting with a doctor I don't know well then I'd always start with Dr, but people who keep the Dr thing up for months and years, well it's a bit odd and people end up thinking you're a bit of a dick.

Eh, no, not all dentists have a "medical degree". Whatever gave you that idea? They have a dentistry degree, it's nothing like a medical degree.

The VAST majority are not true doctors i.e they do not have a PhD. The "Dr" title is a courtesy only. A lot don't use it.
Vets recently became allowed to call themselves "Dr" in the same way, but again in my experience as a vet nurse, the only ones who do this are the American vets I've worked with.
The same with medical Doctors. It is a courtesy title, the vast majority will not have a PhD or research doctorate.

However, I know who I would rather have with me in a restaurant if I was choking to death. Clue - not my husband who is a Dr due to his PhD in toxicology..... but I'd want an actual medic. That's why we never book flights, hotels, restaurants etc under Dr and Mrs.
Plus, as my husband say....it's wanky and a bit cringey to refer to yourself as Dr in your everyday life. I tend to agree.

You were presumptuous, and she was brusque, and most likely neither of you meant it.

If you continue to see her professionally then either call her Dr or don't refer to her personally at all. If she refers to you by your given name, simply point out that you prefer to be addressed as .......

Or look for another Dentist.

Wanting to be addressed by the professional title she spent 5 years earning isn't thinking she's "god".

THIS ^^

It's definitely not disrespectful or cheeky. Referring to someone as 'young nurse' is quite condescending.

Nope, it's very likely an accurate descriptor.

This is an interesting one.

I dislike "Hi first name, I'm Dr Surname (or Mrs Surname, etc. in other settings) as it feels as though there's a power imbalance. Someone mentioned being respectful towards people with medical qualifications but actually I think it's more important to be respectful when addressing each other on a human level (I dislike the notion that some people should be seen as superior just because they hold a degree/certain job/etc...). If someone introduces themselves formally as "Dr Surname/Mrs Surname" then I expect to be addressed equally by my surname without question, otherwise it feels too familiar.
I raised an eyebrow the other day in a medical setting when the nurses were calling the doctors "Dr Surname" but the doctors were using first names to address the nurses, when everyone was working together professionally to achieve a common goal and as a team (each role is just as valuable as it can't function without the other). It particularly makes me bristle seeing consultants being treated with deference as though they're gods.

On the other hand... I had a telephone appointment with a GP the other day who introduced himself as "first name from the GP Practice" and although it was refreshing, I found it rather disconcerting and wondered whether it was actually the doctor at first... so I suppose they can't win 🤣

If they feel so strongly about being addressed in a certain way they should begin the appointment by saying "Hello you can call me Dr 'Smith' how are you today" etc.........

Err, she kinda did...

Or she would have if the OP hadn't started by addressing her as Barbara.

The dentist immediately set things straight. She didn't have to be polite in response to someone's presumptuousness.

Titles should be reciprocal. If she had really addressed you by your first name, I would say that you were fine to respond with her first name.

However, if what she really did was call out your first name without your surname to help maintain anonymity in the waiting area and it wasn’t really an introduction, then jumping to a first name basis was presumptuous.

Dentists are expensive.. Find one you like

Don't people know how difficult it is to find a dentist these days?!

Although the receptionists at the practice I use refer to all the dentists by their first names, I would feel slightly uncomfortable using my dentist's first name in conversation. But then I can't really see the need to use any name when talking directly to them.

Don't people know how difficult it is to find a dentist these days?!

If you can go private, you can take your pick. I pay privately so no way I’m putting up with a moody bastard.

It's pretty simple, if she called you by your first name then you are free to call her by her first name. I would absolutely complain about the rudeness to the practice manager, she is not using patient-centered care, which is critical to healthcare.

I’ve always called my dentist by her first name, because that’s how she introduced herself to me. She calls me by my familiar name too. However if I am talking about to her her staff, I call her Dr X.
I wouldn’t call a professional by their first name unless invited…about half of the consultants I work with daily I call by their first name, the other half are always Dr or Mr. I’d wait to be invited to address them in any other way,

I'm with you Dr Babdoc. I've managed to adapt to the practice of being called 'newname' by everyone from delivery people to doctors. Still makes me uncomfortable. Now I have to revert to non-mateyness?

I am old school and always address people with their title and surname unless invited to do otherwise. I also encourage my young nurses to do likewise. I am the same with teachers at DS’s school.
As a dentist I don’t care how people address me. As I said in previous post I don’t use the title Dr professionally but do use my maiden name. It means I can be plain old Mrs Angrymum everywhere else in my life. Most of my doctor and dentist friends are the same.
The younger generation of professionals do seem to be more entitled about their title. Maybe they haven’t realised yet that being addressed by the title Dr can be a double edged sword. They will realise that it can be a bloody nightmare at the school gate when others know what you do.
I used to arrive at least half an hour after pick up time to avoid the impromptu consultations as did the majority of medically qualified parents. It took me a while to realise that we had our own pick up time. And if they were are normal pick up they often stayed in their car rather than join the crowd. Initially no one knew what I did but once it becomes common knowledge it’s a bloody nightmare.

I most definitely wouldn’t have minded if she had called me Mrs (surname) and asked politely.

she was rude, tense and moody. That put me off along with her double standards - not ok to rudely demand I call her Dr Brown when in fact in the same sentence she calls me by my first name!

And yeah, as I said in a PP, she has always called me by my first name.

I'd have replied "To you I'm Mrs/Ms/Miss X, not Sandra!"

She wishes that she was a real doctor as in Medical Doctor. She couldn't hack it, so resorted to being a dentist. All sorts of pepple can be referred to as a "doctor" but only MD's are true doctors. If you had a medical emergency and you only had the option to choose between a dentist, veterinarian, doctor of philosophy, or a medical doctor which one would you choose to save your life?

The dentist immediately set things straight. She didn't have to be polite in response to someone's presumptuousness.

She should at least refrain from being presumptuous herself.

I presume you’re American. MD is an American term. UK doctors (and dentists) have a bachelor’s degree unless they do further study. UK physicians are still called Dr, and surgeons (once they become Fellows of the Royal College of Surgeons) are called Mr/Mrs/Miss.

All sorts of pepple can be referred to as a "doctor" but only MD's are true doctors

That's not true, phds are the 'true' doctors if you want to go down that route.

Not that anyone actually cares

Frankly I’d call a dentist anything they wanted, if I could find an NHS one who would take me 😫