To think my dentist is very stuck up

[cuppateaandabiccie]

Was at the dentist today for my routine check up. I have never had a problem with her before in all the years I have been a patient at her surgery, but today it just felt like she was in a foul mood but I think she came across as quite stuck up and arrogant.

let’s say I’m called Sandra and say she’s called Barbara Brown (just a random name) officially she is called Dr Brown.

i was waiting at reception to be called for my appointment, she came to reception and called my name so I got up and walked over and I said “hi Barbara, how are you” then her response was quite sharp.

she had a face like thunder and she said something like “Sorry Sandra, my name is Dr Brown. In future, you call me Dr Brown”

I was really shocked and taken aback - there was no conversation from her during my appointment, usually she is quite chatty and friendly. All she did was tut and sigh.

AIBU to think this was quite unprofessional and arrogant? Why can’t I call her by her first name? She’s not God!

so like consultants then?

What would your complaint be?

That she asked you to call her Dr Brown using polite wording but with a grumpy expression; got something out of a drawer while the nurse was standing in front of it (not totally clear on that bit); wasn't chatty during your appointment and slammed the door?

I would always address my doctor or dentist by their title.

I’ve worked in healthcare for years and this is just how it’s done. Unless I’ve been working with the doctor for a long time, or they have told me to use their first name, it’s always Dr….

However it does sound like she was unusually curt and this was perhaps a bit rude. More so her tone rather than what she said

(Name changed, though used this name on other threads moaning about dentistry 😂)

Wow, awful experience for you. Fwiw the vast majority of dentists I’ve worked with in my 16 years in dentistry go by their first names. I don’t think it’s rude in the slightest to use first names, Dr just seems stuffy and old fashioned to me and while I’m ‘only’ a hygienist I like patients to see me as a human. Having said that, if she wants to use her title then that’s her prerogative, completely unnecessary and rude to snap at you the way she did though.

It IS hard maintaining a smiley facade at all times and we all have off days, but no excuse imo. Possibly worth raising with the practice manager but in a softy softy “is everything ok with Dr upherself? Only she didn’t seem her usual self…” kind of way. That way if she’s a. just being a moody cow then it’s raised or b. if she’s struggling in her personal life then hopefully she’ll be offered some support

@godmum56 But we're not talking about you or your dentist & hygienist, this is about OP and her dentists that she's been with for over a decade and how she prefers to be called. OP still hasn't answered if she has ever called her 'Barbara' before now and what other patients call her.

@Babdoc I’m a few years younger than you and couldn’t agree more. What is wrong with Mr, Mrs, Dr. etc? It is a particular bugbear of mine when I am talking to a stranger on the phone about an enquiry and am addressed by (l imagine) a spotty youth calling me by my Christian name. I immediately tell them that I prefer to be called Mrs. Violinist.

Same here.
I was always brought up that it’s Mr/Mrs/Lady Whatever until they say ‘please call me John/Jane’. This was extended to anyone you meet who is senior in age or position.
I wouldn’t ever call my doctor or dentist by their given name.

You literally have to do a medical degree to be a dentist. So all dentists are doctors. Unless they're dental surgeons then they are Mr/Mrs as are surgeons who are doctors.

she did seem rude op but honestly complainign wont get you anywhere

they rarely take notice of the managers they already think theyre above them so it wont mean much

except that other posters were generalising about what they do or what people in general do or should do.

My dentist immediately introduced himself as Darren and that's what everyone referred to him as so that's what I called him.

@OP what have you always called her? I'm assuming today isn't the first time you've ever addressed her since you've been with her for years. There's no point posters coming on to say how their dentists likes to be addressed as this one clearly prefers a more formal distance.

My dentist is called Stuart. No big deal! Find a new dentist!

Eliakimi

There's no point posters coming on to say how their dentists likes to be addressed as this one clearly prefers a more formal distance.

Exactly. Other dentists might want to be called Crap Bag or Princess Consuela BananaHammock. Although I'm not sure I'd let them near me with a drill if they did.

It doesn't change the fact that Dr Brown wants to be called Dr Brown and if it's that big a deal to a patient, the patient should find a different dentist.

Of course, the dentist should always call the patient by their preferred form of address too.

@godmum56 They were, but you were replying directly to a question I asked OP and copied in my post to her in your answer. Therefore, I pointed out that what your dentist prefers is irrelevant. My guess is had OP's dentist been male, she would not have taken the liberty uninvited to call them by firstname. It's called 'over familiarity', and clearly this dentist doesn't like it. She sounds very professional.

Then surely she was also 'fresh' with OP by using her first name - which OP confirms she has always done.

Then surely she was also 'fresh' with OP by using her first name - which OP confirms she has always done.

Exactly. Goes both ways.

I would never address my dentist or doctor by their first name unless they insisted. I think it could be misconstrued as disrespectful.

When I was at school, staff first names were never really known so parents referred to the teachers as Mrs... Mr.... but in the last 10 years I've been a teacher, parents constantly respond to my emails as "Hi Sleeping" when I've signed off as "Mrs Frog" and I've also addressed them by Mr X or Mrs X in the email. We are not friends or family so I address them respectfully and I am always shocked how casually they reply! Even after their replies, I continue to address them formally but they don't get the hint... 5 emails in, still signing off as Mrs Frog but no change in their greeting to me🤦 I wouldn't mention it to a parent though (I just sigh and move on) as I don't know how you tactfully address it over email 🤣

Maybe your dentist is fed up (like I am) of people being overly casual or familiar and has decided to take a stand on it? I think she should have addressed you as Mrs/Miss Biccie though if she is going to call you out using her title in such an abrupt way.

Many patients are at the dentist begrudgingly either because they are in a lot of pain, are worried about the cost or just generally nervous about dental treatment. Let's face it, it's a place nobody looks forward to going and will appreciate being made to feel comfortable and at ease.

If my dentist created an atmosphere like that and spoke to me so rudely I'd be telling them to sort their attitude out.

If they feel so strongly about being addressed in a certain way they should begin the appointment by saying "Hello you can call me Dr 'Smith' how are you today" etc.........

I can't get my head around people clutching their pearls over use of a first name.

Over familiarity
Rude
Casual
Shocked

It's their actual name fgs!

Talking like a patient has asked them to bend them over the dentist chair and give them a good seeing too

I presume you do those 'young nurses' the courtesy of addressing them correctly ie Staff Nurse Jones, Sister Williams etc. After all, it would be disrespectful and cheeky if you didn't.

"You literally have to do a medical degree to be a dentist. So all dentists are doctors. Unless they're dental surgeons then they are Mr/Mrs as are surgeons who are doctors"

Not true. In GB, dentists do a dental degree and have either a BDS or BChD (if you're a Leeds Uni graduate). All British qualified dentists are dental surgeons, it's interchangeable terminology.
Oral Maxillo Facial surgeons are dually qualified in dentistry & medicine ditto Oral Medicine consultants, and that's about it with medical degrees in dentistry.

Babdoc
I’m older generation (in my 60s), and, for most of my contemporaries, Christian names are for friends and family only - one waits for permission to use them for anyone else.
So in your example, you would always address her as (title surname), unless or until she says “Oh please call me (Christian name)”.
I must admit, I grit my teeth if a young nurse addresses me by first name instead of Dr Babdoc! It is disrespectful and cheeky.

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We're not in the 1950s anymore, times have changed and people are far less formal than they used to be.
You need to make absolutely clear how you expect to be addressed in work otherwise it is generally the norm for people to use first names by default.

It's definitely not disrespectful or cheeky. Referring to someone as 'young nurse' is quite condescending.

There's nothing wrong with her desire to be addressed by her title BUT she didn't do the same to the patient, she called the patient by her first name! That's why it seems arrogant.

Drs deserve no more, and no less, respect than any other service provider doing their job. They aren't our superiors.